Self-Pity or Self-Care?

There is a fog in my head, 

I cannot hear or see

What my ears and eyes covey to me. 

There is a din that I hear

In the nothingness clouding my brain

Silence can be loud. Have you heard its refrain? 

There is an emptiness I so sorely feel

I see colours and yet everything feels grey

Is it the world or me that seems to be fading away? 

There is a mountain pressing my chest

It is difficult to breathe.

Exhale. Inhale. Difficult, but repeat. 

There is so much to do, my checklist awaits

Yet all I can do is write this rhyme

Complain, ironically, that I have no time. 

Yet, I regret not, these moments of self-pity

These are all that allow me to just BE. 

And find sanity in insanity, in chaos peace.

- Written on 13 Sep 2021. 

- Self-Explanatory. Am supposed to chase deadlines that I have no longer any energy for and no reason why I am so lethargic. 

Happy Ganesh Chathurthi - 2021

Ganesh Chathurthi is here again,

A year of strife, a year of strain.

The remover of obstacles reminding us

We have not yet learnt to focus

On issues important.

We will likely regret.

Climate change and hostile takeovers,

Children neglected, the poor lacking even leftovers.

While Bezos' and Ambanis' losses and rises recorded

And mindless WhatsApp messages forwarded.

Ekdanta did not proceed without understanding

Every word of the Mahabharat that he was scribing.

Vignaharta will not just wash away our troubles,

Sarvasiddhantha will wait for us to learn from our foibles.

So this year, Vinayaka, enable us to understand and act:

Prioritise lives and quality over dry economic fact.

Kripalu, help us feel for our fellow-beings,

Muktidaya, help us a lead a life of purpose, of meaning.

~ Anusha Ramanathan

Happy Ganesh Chathurthi, everyone.

- Written on 10 September 2021 and posted on Facebook.

- Self-Explanatory.

After a Hiatus - On Facebook -

I posted a request. I posted after a long time. Am touched by the number of people who helped me find translators and actively reached out. I am also touched by the many who asked why I had not been posting. I have been asked this earlier as well.

My Response in Verse (Bad verse strikes again 🙂)

I have been asked time and again

Why I have broken my posts chain.

Random ones on events occurring,

Of what some said or just pics and ramblings.

Why no post on the Covid-19 crisis?

And not on the Mizoram-Assam border conflict,

Not on Afghanistan nor the climate

Nor the Olympic wins. Why so quiet?

I have written, but I do not dare

My angsty pourings to so publicly share.

I have no patience for the comment or two awry

For someone to report me, for Facebook to block me.

And no I do not want to post

As it rains of having tea and toast.

Or a personal moment sad or happy

Does posting these bring the world closer to me?

The many deaths and illnesses among colleagues, friends and family.

The many births and recoveries that spread cheer in this time of difficulty.

The moments of escapism into worlds of fantasy

On TV and YouTube, in books and posts, in imagination roaming free.

Yes recording these and more might be useful, but what role then of memory?

The emotions felt, let them be.

In activism engage quietly

One-on-one converse sporadically.

On WhatsApp groups, On Telegram too

The promptness reduced.

The mails shorter and pointed

I can see some are worried, some disappointed.

This is a phase

Or may be a permanent change,

But as of now, this is me.

Sigh! Sharing takes up too much energy.

~ Anusha Ramanathan

And those who know me too well, will sigh and say, our peace is ruined, she has recovered some energy and will surely now yak away. 🤣

To them, I say, no, not yet. But I am recovering. Sympathies. 😜

- Written (mostly) on 29 August 2021. Posted on Facebook with some edits on 1 September 2021 in response to my request.

- Self-Explanatory.

An ex-student wrote the following as a response that touched me a lot. Thank you Souvik :)

Social commentary is tiring I agree

But requires patience like growing a tree

Remember the moment you had begun

Is the purpose now done?

Ur posts are like a beacon spreading light.

Most will be enlightened but some will put up a fight.

Do it for "your why"

Do it for those who are low or high

Do it for yourself

Your thoughts reach many and they help. 

Happy Teachers' Day - 2021

Happy Teachers' Day!

The following is part a tribute and part a diatribe, so feel free to skip.

My teachers have so influenced me

Encouraged me to be the best of me.

I do not always succeed, but I try,

For that was all they asked: that I strive.

To allow for change,

To failure acknowledge,

To wholeheartedly appreciate

Others' best and emulate.

At home, my first, my mother,

In school and college so many others,

But also in books, in films, on travels,

They come in all shapes and sizes, these marvels.

Not merely a sage on stage, the teacher.

A friend, a guide, a mentor, a healer.

With actions, with caring, always inspiring,

Imbuing learning, never stopping.

Some of my teachers are retired now,

But their legacy continues and how.

A class I took yesterday on grammar,

I remembered my UKG teacher.

Mrs D'Souza with her long nails

Coaxing me to speak correctly admist my wails.

So many more such memories of learning,

I am blessed. I know, but what of those currently suffering.

Schools shut down for a year and more.

Technology distant, more than before.

If today's young are to shape our tomorrows,

How will they be enabled. We are doling out only sorrows.

Rules changing. Fears overriding.

To be or not to be in schools parents deciding.

As if learning is an option, the primary neglected.

The vaccines developed: The older protected.

Yes, health is important, but have we tried,

To help teachers through their strife?

Reduced wages, job losses, technology woes.

Coping with so many obstacles, our heroes.

Hiring paused when we never needed them more.

To plug the gaps, relying on private players and NGOs.

Pass percentages and exams the focus still

Assessment not learning continues to be the drill.

Oh! the future, so bright and beautiful.

Without learning, is this possible?

Teachers are trying, but are we?

Could we focus on education for humanity?

~ Anusha Ramanathan

Happy Teachers' Day.

Actions speak louder than words.

- Written on 5 September 2021 and posted on Facebook. Shared initial part on WhatsApp, etc with Tecahers.

- Self-explanatory.