'Baited'

A gala time to be had,  

Friends meet after a really long while.

The jokes, the old college kid repartee,

The smiles, the comfort, the nostalgic glee.

Then the conversation turns, as they always do,

To the future that each looks forward to.

The single ones targeted for not stepping up,

For not sipping from the ‘opportunities’ cup.

Why is marriage the ‘be all’ of society?

Why can’t singles be ever deemed happy?

Why is such a fuss made of marital responsibility?

Why is a ‘significant other’ so very necessary?

Why is true sharing to be only between lovers?

Why is plain friendship not enough revered?

Why does ‘your family’ begin with your spouse?

Why is any other view point met with a grouse?

It hurts at times to be always told to confirm,

That one is foolish to hold onto beliefs so firm,

That one is not truly successful or prosperous or joyful,

If one is not married, or looking to be part of a couple.

I may not always explain my rationale,

But aren’t I entitled to be what I, anyway, dare?

Isn’t it enough that I consider myself sated?

Why must I for my ‘lack’ be baited?

-       -Written on Tuesday, November 8, 2011. Self Explanatory.

Prads' Midnight Call

Wow! Tales of this wanderer
Cease to amaze me never.
Why do I some story always hear
From any S'pore traveller?
Prads, yours is the umpteenth,
However, unique.

Rush hour traffic panic, by a cop flayed,
Then flight delayed and excess baggage!
Gone- money and so the Lindt Dark Chocolate
''What will Easwar think, I'm empty handed?!''
He didn't know, dude. He wudn't anyway care
Too much, he is not so addicted to the Lindt fare.

But, now that this msg reaches him, I plead he ensure,
That he makes u buy ltr both dark choc and liqueur.
For me Easwar, pretty please.
For me being awakened, for me, Prads fleece.
He feels so guilty, u can easily make him weep,
Capture it on film, a treasure I can keep.

Fool, Stupid, Idiot - of course, I
Who started this entire thing/mess? - I

Best wishes guys,
God save you.

-Written on 19 February 2011 at 12:45 am
- Self Explanatory right? Easwar do the honours.

Splash!

Splash! we enter this world.
Splash! we are cleansed at birth.
Splash! we revel in games.
Splash! we wake to a new day.
Splash! we feel refreshed.
Splash! we focus afresh.
Splash! we wash away our tears.
Splash! we overcome our fears.
Splash! we our courage renew.Splash! we look forward to.

Splash! we now shudder.
Splash! we are infused with horror.
Splash! you ended our hope.
Splash! you cut life's rope.
Splash! we will forever be haunted
Splash! is this what you wanted?

- Written on 21 January 2010.
Yesterday, we got the news that my cousin had died purpotedly by jumping into a water body.



A friend inspired me to create This site that u may come to hate B'coz ramblings will all it will ever have For I am the queen of crap. But don't worry - if it gets too much I can delete this blog at the press of a button ;)

What do you do

What do you do
When hard earned money goes down the drain?
What do you do
When the sweat you put in seems to be in vain?
What do you do
When someone you trust flicks your wallet?
What do you do
When your faith in humanity is your downfall's pellet?
What do you do
When then for your 'carelessness' you are shouted at?
What do you do
To make your parents understand, you are not that bad?! 
What do you do
When you lose money you'd saved up for something special?
What do you do
When because of you your friend doesn't get his thank you medal?
What do you do
When the crime eats away at your confidence?
What do you do
When you dream of notes that you now wish you would already spent?
What do you do
When you know you are going to forego many many things to make up?
What do you do
When you know that even such drudgery is a lost cause?
What do you do
When your angst has no space to be shown?
What you do
Is that you write a rhyme and make your friends for their choice mourn. :)

-Written on 30 October 2010
- Self- Explanatory. Some one in college flicked my wallet from my cavernous bag. And people state that things can get lost in there. I was shocked that things get lost from there :)

Do you not want me?

Do you not realize,

That I’m forever by your side?

Do you not hear me,

Do I speak that softly?

Why don’t you listen,

To my words that with love glisten?

I will be there as  your shadow

When to bed you go.

I will be the one who will stay

When you wake up at night afraid.

I will be the one to give you company

When in sorrow you most need empathy.

Do you not feel me,

Yearning for you to perceive me?

Do you not understand,

The messages that I send?

Do you not want me,

The one true friend indeed?

I will be there when you want me not,

Waiting for you to crave my charm.

I will never utter a single complaint or deter

You from ignoring me. Using me. Willfully.

I will be there for you forever,

In death and life, I am your server.

Notice me. Welcome me. Cherish me.

Adore me. Desire me. Smile for me.

Possess me. Be possessed by me.

Think of me. Do not fill me.

Do you recognize me?

I am SILENCE. …………………………………………………………I am happy.

© -Written on 27 July 2010.

- Why I wrote this? - I am a teacher. Do I need say more?

Oh Theory!

Oh Theory! The bane of human existence,
One knows not what is something's essence,
States this ignorance
In many a complex sentence,
Though academicians modern state their intolerance
They persist in indulging in this preponderance.
We wonder why of inanity there is so much prevalence,
Yet, for eons we cannot see theory's evanescence.
:P

- Written on 3 June at 12:30 am
- In response to a friend's status message claiming that she hates reading theory at 12 in the night, Depises it at 12 in the afternoon and ignores it the rest of the time. Well all that theorising Miss Brill Scholar leads to so many of your own noteworthy accomplishments :) Keep at it :)

Passing Fad

On the right side of my window is a skyscraper
An ad that beckons me to the Himalayan treasure.
Just below is an offer
For weight loss - a medical wonder.
Another window provides
Links to restaurants with epicurean delights.

All I want is to respond to my mail,
But in closing these boxes, in that I fail.
Watch a drab soap opera on TV
There is the squeeze back to tempt the greedy.
News channels have a subscription ad
I regret this is here to stay, this "passing fad".

"What do I do then?" - I enjoy
The soul destroying creativity that's deployed.

- Written on 14 May 2010
- Self Explanatory. Am tired of pop-ups, squeeze backs, tickers for ads and so on, but c'est la vie so am trying to appreciate the ingenuity.

Innocuous Pleasure

A child’s pleasure -
An innocuous treasure.
A treat, a bribe –
A parent’s respite.

The most gifted
The most loved
The mud coloured delight
Makes most people’s day bright.

How then do I cope
Remembering the dear soul
Wrought to an end choking
On a chocolate of all things?

- Written on 11 May 2010
- Amrit, I still can’t quite believe you are not amongst us anymore.

To Amrit

A lanky boy on the second last bench,
With ever a smiling face
Earnest, sincere, yet mischievous
I'll never forget his assignment with the "f....." phrase.

A bus ride with him as your companion
Could mean a second degree inquisition.
Polite yet confident, he would know the reasons
Why I was not married yet, what were my ambitions.

With other students ‘shush’ing him, an apology
He SMSed later, for overstepping boundaries, if any.
Coming in on a rainy day with a badly hurt foot
To see a Culture Studies class movie, though he was excused!

Early morning phone calls to state
Excuses for a project delayed.
Never let me down though when it mattered
Optimistic, easy-going, rarely dejected.

So many snapshots of him that I recollect:
A toy on the ceiling, a career guidance request,
Working harder when I would his assignment reject,
Mostly teasing Deepti to misery abject.

As semesters passed, he only got thinner
I teased him even about fading away altogether.
Today, a sad day for all, that we will no more see this bright spark
Yet, can I truly state that, when he resides in our heart?

-I will miss you Amrit Bansal – For me you will ever be associated with 7 – your Roll No. when you joined FY.
- Written on 10 May 2010.

Farmville reports replace FB status updates

"What's your problem with uploading status updates? 
Why is FV all that I see on your page? "
Well to answer the query, I must plead, 

Status requires thought , while FV is TP.  
I'm in a phase where I don't wanna think. 
Can't maybe truer, but why be grim.

FV's mindnumbing enough requiring merely a click,
Waiting endlessly for page reloads is an activty fix.
I know this won't last endlessly, I have started to write,
And I may soon desist from activity on FV and the like.
Till then, but, my friends, be prepared to see
FV updates galore, with Causes breaking the monotony. :) 


-Written on 22 April 2010
- The reasons are self-explanatory. I have been accused of being addicted to fv bypassing fb. :) I dunno abt dat, bt d chat lang dfts me.

Happy 4th Wedding Anniversary

A day when we rejoiced with friends
That two of ours had their bonds strengthened.
A day when a voice rang out with conviction
As she said 'I Do' with typical theatrical enunciation. :)
A day when the quieter voice still
Stated his commitment to love's promises fulfill.

Four years have passed since then
Their bond has served as others' inspiration.
More of our group have married
One of them of has had a kid.
This couple, however, stays on as the group's foci
Here's to wishing them a bon voyage on this year 5.

- Written on 21 April 2010. 
- A day in advance for the very obvious reason. Shrads-Mat here's 2 U from all of us Untouchables. :)
-

A Late Night Call

Up late night on g-chat,
At the world hitting back,
Wondering aloud about options new,
A friend says call now, I'm here for you.

Late night, hectic schedules, documents to be worked on, early morning gym,
All forgotten in the hope that he might brighten my world dim.
Listens, listens and listens some more
As I express with sound effects many an inner furore.

I say good night finally, my problems still unresolved
But a peace that lightens my mind I have found
I hope he could sleep and his work tomorrow go about
For I now know that with such friends my problems are not so fraught.

- Written on 20 April 2010
- After a telcon with Easwar, the white knight riding to the rescue over airwaves. :) He knows what I am talking about :)

'Run! Don't look back!"
"Wait! Always watch your back!"
"Attack! Don't just stand and stare."
"Defend! Never provoke another's dare."

The tennis ball aced around
Is not hit so well into the ground.
How do I explain my ditherance
When I am never met with forbearance?

I run and watch my back
Invariably lose my place on the track.
I attack and then defend
About being sure of myself I pretend.

Why do we confuse
Our children with our views?
When we ourselves have no answer
As to how to be a successful player.

Yet, I listen with bated breath
For the next formula to beat failure to death
I even follow at times
Then I pay for my crimes.

Do I learn? Of course not!
Why would I when advisors abound?
Sureshot methods I am often taught
Seems like I am the exception to the rules fraught.

An appeal here to you all
Tell me again once and not for all
How do I succeed
In making my dreams flower from seed?

-Written on 10 April 2010 - typed directly onto the blog :)
-Yes, another advice that I sent down the drain, thanks to my ineptitude. I live in hope that I may someday learn, but so far hope in vain.

My morning

The rush early in the morning,
The need to be alone,
The desire to sleep for a few hours more,
The tiredness that oozes from every single pore.

Catching a bus as late as can be
Leaning forward, willing it on, as it inches slowly.
Forgetting your book, but for a kind samaritan,
Miscounting change for your fare, that is happily returned.

Running through halls, violating decorum,
Rumbles in your stomach making you yearn for food yum,
Hair askew, more than it usually is,
Breathless, panting, one finally reaches.

'No lectures today. Sorry, you are not on call.
We should have informed you, but we unfortunately stalled.'
Curses hover, waiting to be screamed out.
You nod, you smile, say you understand when you patently do NOT.

Then you think,
'Thanks to this respite, could I catch a few winks?'
The answer is 'NO'. You have a price to pay
You were so stressed out, that though exhausted you are wide awake.

-Written on 6 April 2010.
- Self-explanatory don't you think? :P

Can the USA ever stand competition?
Is this fear behind their new found Pak-compassion?
Supported India against China's gainsay,
But it is a superpower on its own today,
Where Chinese communism could never win it allies many,
India's secularism has won friends already.
Nuclear deals struck are now a pain,
Pakistan's accession is suddenly a gain,
A country that's sponsored terrorism,
It deserves more than Iran's defiance.

- Written on 20 May 2009
- Refer to Hillary Clinton's statement granting aid to Pakistan, taking back the statements she had made a month ago deploring the administrative system in the said country!!!!!!!!!!! Two facedness Zindabad!!!!!!!!

India with Gandhi

Welcome stability,
End fragmented polity,
Give a party support to shine,
Do your civic duty and do not whine,
The people of India have to a large extent,
Seem to have worked out their intent
And voted for the least militant.
Hooray! No more 24 hours of news,
Cagey politicians being asked their views,
Introspection called for naturally,
The mass seems to have hood winked even the punidits' wizardry.
Cheers Young India! the party that's come to power
Is most representative of the Indian hour.
Ramchandra Guha may well now write
India with Gandhi and The BJP's f(r)ight.

Hip Hip Hooray!!!! :)

-Written on 16th May 2009

Response to Easwar's Comment on the previous post - Love...

A piece of advice kindly given
Without realising its repercussion.
If I start commenting on Indian politics
The world would be deeper in the pits.
I have a mixed strain of idealism and pragmatism
It is a cocktail that smacks of just impressionism.
Details get conveniently bypassed many a time
That I am laziness personified only aids the crime.
Dear cousin, I am certainly not an authority,
However, when I strongly feel, I do try writing poetry :)
AND when I do not even regularly BLOG about everyday events
How, pray, do you justify your suggestion, for many a punishment?

- Written on 9 May 2009

Love as an aid to self-destruction

I just saw The Believer. It got me thinking a bit more. Last night as I sat typing questions and formulating explanatory answers late into this morning I also kept shuffling the various news channels that had repeat telecasts of 9PM news at 2:30 AM. After a point I felt that they did not really care about what they had to communicate.

The purpose was to fill the air time. There were no debates. Everyone knew what the other party would say and since we have so many experienced politicians who never to seem to let go we have been hearing the same speech almost verbatim for the past many years. The Congress perhaps helped us poor citizens a bit by allowing Jyotiraditya and Sachin Pilot to speak. That they entrusted youngsters to damage control what another "youngster" Rahul Gandhi had wrought was ironical. Of course, they could always backtrack from any political goof-ups by stating novices do not know what the experienced and the 'truly' powerful leaders in the Congress are about etc. etc. Master move, I think.

I also think that the media is a bit more in love with Rahul Gandhi as they have been gagged a bit themselves by the Election Office and can question the politicians on the various hints that "the young Rahul" has shared with them. Is he being "naive" or "shrewd"? The focus is firmly on the Congress as a result. Whatever the various parties may be thinking of Congress is never far from their minds.

The BJP seems to have it down to a pat. As Sachin Pilot pointed out, they will tell what is wrong with the Congress, what the Congress wants, what the Congress should do, what the other parties allied with the Congress or formerly allied with them want or should do, how hypocritical the Congress is, how opputunistic it is and so on and so forth without once focusing on "what is right with the BJP" and what are their strategies etc. With Rudy only confirming everything that Sachin had stated in his answers to Barkha Dutt, one feels that be the Congress in power or not, they are the ones establishing the government. They will be the ones to help form the government by adhering to their principled stand (Manmohanji is our PM) or by merrily eschewing this for higher "moral" grounds of keeping the BJP out of power which could well be about the only thing they learnt from the Left in their long association.

I wonder what will happen. But as my brother says, whatever be the outcome is it going to truly affect the mass in any positive manner? For that I suggest we re-read Freakonomics to know how a single event can shape the trends of the coming generations.

As for the reason I began by saying that I saw The Believer, there is a reason for that. I had had similar thoughts last night (I will share below) that the anti-hero expressed even better in this complexly wonderful film. He says something to the effect that the only way to destroy the Jews is to "love them. Sincerely." They only answer they cannot take is a 'yes'. If Hitler had not happened they would have invented him!!!!!! I thought these lines were wonderful.

India has long been looked down upon, we struggled then to build our nation, but any time we seem to go through times of peace and prosperity, we sure seem to go all out to destroy ourselves. We do not need foreign leaders to ruin us, we have proven that we do not even need Indian leaders to ruin us, the urban middle class that has risen through the cracks of prosperity will ensure that these cracks remain and in fact become larger. They will not go and vote and the politicians who feared these members coming out in full strength happily excuse them with reasons like long weekends and hot weather. I fully endorse the lines in The Believer if applied to the Indian context. Love us to help us destroy ourselves :)

Well my piece composed at 3:30 AM reads:

I wonder what the state of Congress will be
As it desperately fights the effects of incumbency?
Mamata vs. Brinda, Mulayam or Maya
Who will help form the government - DMK or Jaya?

Will swords be sheathed temporarily
Only to be weilded at times of power sharing calamity?
Will enemies be allies and vice versa
Will we see the results of a new political diaspora?

Will Rahul Gandhi's speech come to haunt him
Or will it be remarked upon later for its political wisdom?
For now, the Congress is in the limelight
Other parties are media-hounded to rethink their strategies in this fight.

Will we ever have parties truly secular
Or will we forever adhere to notions that are currently popular?
Independents are the flavour of the season
What matters if their win or loss does not truly serve the nation?

We need a party that will be strong
To take the right decisions in face of all wrongs.
Such courage works best when supported
But alas! our young citizens have not adequately voted.

Come Terrorism, Come recession,
Come corruption, Come pollution
Come crime, Come evil,
Our protests are short lived and very feeble.

We will accept any government - The shakier, the better
Just give us reason to crib louder and longer.
Maoist, Democratic, Republican or even Talibani
Do not bother us about politics, we are only 'aam aadmi'.

We will suffer poverty and lack of liberty
We shine becuase of these you see.
Afterall, it's Slumdog and the NASA Swades
That truly represents our Indian race.

Personal triumphs guided by luck is better
Than working hard as a community to prosper.
Worthy of your salutations, WE ARE INDIANS,
We have no enemies, who can better our self-destructive millions?

-Written on 8 May 2009.

Incommunicado period hopefully past

Hey guys,

I have got mails, smses, and or calls asking me what I have been upto and if I am even alive. While I did not realise I had been that lackadiasical in my communication that you would wonder about my state of existence I do apologise for not being in touch and hope that you all know that if you had needed me I was just a phone call away. So what have I been upto huh.. well

First there was this buliding that I stay in
The BMC ruled that 30 years old and more and it might cave in
So began structural repairs partial
The top floor flat we live in was deemed experimental
Since we live on salt commission land
If the building falls the place will be out of our hands
So the repairs were begun with many false starts
As South Indians we had to be stingy with the costs
A whole wall fell in our bedroom
Mosquitoes galore that night on our blood we groomed
A part of the drawing room wall was the next to be demolished
By that time we had almost got used to our blood needing to be repienished
Hammers and tongs above our flat was not enough
As the terrace got redone we had to have not seepage but flood.
As our newly painted walls cropped up new designs
My brother and I almost decided to disown our family ties
Unfortunately my mother had instilled values
We stayed on and even helped the workers in the mileu
So it goes on even now
We water our walls as our plants are gone
We dust the dust on the dust covering the dust of our stuff
Our CPU languishes in our technician's shop filled with dust and what not
Our AC and stuff we do not even want to touch
We fear they will crumble with all they have endured.
Somehow the brave TV and washing machine soldier on
We take our blessings, whereever they are found.

Of ocurse it is not enough that I wake up to Dust and sleep in Dust
Since I teach at various colleges, projects and stuff carry home I must
Then correct them and then dust them and then store them and then dust them
Meetings and travel will come my way
I will brave the pollution and population fray
Work on not just the weekdays but weekends too
Public Holidays just meant there was time to catch up do
Lectures that begin at 7 am and some that end at 10 pm
A parcel of life that I have wilfully chosen
How do I complain when I was the one to gainsay
The saner voices that I now wish I had allowed to prevail?
I earned a bit more and spent a lot more on travel
I came across many whom I taught who are far more sensible.
Projects of editing and constructing reports I could not say 'NO' to
My doctor's advice though I constantly did NOT adhere to
Sheer common sense does not accompany the genius see
I have grand delusions about my abilities.

Then I decided that enough was enough
So many years that I have spent sheltered and cossetted
I had made a decision: I would go out more and meet my friends
Late nights if need be I would not forsake
In fights with my folks I would partake
Freedom, however, was my birthright
I am, by God, going to finally it enjoy.
So kind of my friends that they arranged
Weddings and functions and parties for me to hold my sway
Daring I went and fun I had so what if a few hours sleep was also set aside
Memories I made and spent more time and energy on travel on again
Rickshawalas and taxi guys are a smart lot I learned as politics and waht not we discussed on our way
Kala Ghoda was fun too.
Of my poor cousin I made full use
His good nature I admire
As he spent more time trying to ignore my tired sighs.
Cakes and samosas and jalebis and pizzas
I have partied hard this winter past

While still not accomplishing much I have done more than ever before
I am proud of myself, please this time my selfishness ignore
The year upcoming I will try to be more organised
And for mails and calls too I will time prioritise.
You were there in my thoughts a few moments here and there
But time flew past before I could my thoughts with you share.
I am trying to do better as you can see
To be more outgoing and a better friend be
A slow learner I admit, however, I will succeed surely.

I hope that you guys will also contibute and teach me
How you mange to accomplish so much so unassumingly.

Apologies and Love
Anusha


- Written on 15 April 2009

Kala Ghoda 2009

So many days past since this feeling
Debilitated me till I was almost past thinking
The pain was just too much to bear
Perhaps all the more so as I had ceased to care
That perhaps I could fall prey
And so should control any foray
Into the world yonder
Even if I had few wishes fonder.
Yet, years of experience came handy
When I thought I would fall I made out like all was dandy
I don’t know that I fooled anyone
But at least no one was compelled to question
Yet, despite the faintness, the pain
I would want this day all over again
Snatches of the day flash past
I smile and want to hold the moments fast.

I had a laugh in my heart through the day
Even if I had not my happiness always brayed.
There are records my cousin took
That I had my usual staidness at times forsook
These only lend credence
That this day had a hollowed sense.
I remember snatches of colour and taste
I know in memories I will happily relive the day
Flora fountain spouted water
What but happiness then could the day harbour?
Samovar baingan bartha that was spicier than assured
Jehangir Art Gallery where paintings were appreciated
For hours we laughed at some of the awardees
Wondered aloud why they could not mean what they seemed
Gasped at some of the price ranges
Even as we enjoyed the air conditioner
The collages were truly wonderful,
A woman looking over her shoulder
Hands held behind her back, filled my cousin with wonder
Some landscapes and the Mumbai based representations
Made us sigh and placed every clue in the frames
The pavement gallery housed art that was base and splendour
Easwar of course had to experiment with snaps and a mirror
Moshe’s chocolate ecstasies were to die for
We whiled away time in the Fabindia coffee bar.
Then back to the Kala Ghoda and more pictures
A Ganesha made of cycle scrap,
A man blaring his industrial angst,
Multi colored buckets, taps and windows
All photographed in clever ways
Bubbles, Chai’na in trunks,
Metal creatures dispelling any funk
Glimpsing performances, Friends greeting,
Catching up, though not always talking
Sharing, communicating; different from the surface discourse
Do I want a repeat? You betcha. Of course! :)

- Caught up with Easwar on10 Feb 2009 on a day long wished and planned for at the 11th Kala Ghoda Festival. All I wanna say is thanks Bro. It was a marvellous day that I enjoyed thoroughly.
Still wonder what the balloon stuck half way with red glaze paper was supposed to represent and wish we could have tried the chocolate mudpie as well :)) Thanks for the treat.

Adieu 2008 Welcome 2009

It was a year when we shined in the Olympics
It was a year that nuclear power was ushered in overcoming political dynamics.
It was a year when unexpected results were yielded
To showcase how strongly the Indian spirit is welded.
A year when courage was show through actions
A year when people of all walks felt every event's repercussions.
A year when unity was newly forged
A year that sowed the seeds of change for years henceforth.
A year in which we learnt much
Never was or will there be a year such.
Welcome 2009 we hope that you bring
A season of hope and joy may you ever spring.

May 2009 herald Love and Peace
May it usher in Prosperity
May health be a constant friend
May all adventures have a happy end.

Happy New Year folks :)

Will there be a day...

Will there be a day
When there will be no race
When no one will recognize
If you are black or otherwise?
Will ever there be a time
When there won’t be racist crime?
Will we ever face
That God made us with grace?
Will we boundaries ever erase
And each other embrace
When we resent not each other
As we tolerate our blood brother
When there be peace, if not love
When caste and creed is a discarded glove
When we recognize the I in another
And realise that we are a reflection of the other?
Will there be such a dawn
For which we all so very much long?
Will we ever, ever
Live as one together?

- Written on 12 November 2008
- I dunno why, maybe the Obama inspired articles are finally having their effect.

Satan’s Followers

Lonely in the midst of a class
Did not know how I could carry on.
Grappling with time’s choking grasp
I also tried to not the world let on.

I am not even sad for myself, in fact, I am content
With my very meager achievements.
I do feel some sympathy for my brother,
But beyond a point I only admire him as he is stronger.

Yet, at odd times visions haunt me
I cannot take him being so unhappy.
Does God test only the strong?
Do only the weak have the right to fool around?

Those who are sinned against
Will either themselves sin or life disdain.
IS this what you want Lord mine?
Satan’s followers whom you create and then destroy?

This reads like a computer game
One in which we are puppets depending on you to be sane.

- Written on 24 August 2008.
- My brother will hate me for this, but as I said he is strong. I feel this piece on this blog belongs.
-

Compare me to another…

Compare me to another when I am being lazy
Don’t tell me that my short hair makes me ugly, is against femininity.

Compare me to another when I am being an idiot
Don’t tell me off for vociferously opposing a riot.

Compare me to another when I am mean to someone
Don’t tell me off when fight suppression.

Compare me to another when I overstep boundaries
Don’t tell me off for refusing responsibility for another’s sins.

Compare me to another for being less smart
Don’t tell me off for merely not studying at dawn.

Compare me to another for being less efficient
Don’t tell me off for choosing my own right way of accomplishment.

Compare me to another for being loud and argumentative
Don’t tell me off for not being submissive.

Compare me to another for not being punctual
Don’t tell me off for questioning the reason for performing a ritual.

Compare me to another for lacking comportment
Don’t tell me off for choosing simplicity over adornment.

Compare me to another if I do not have the sportsman's spirit
Don’t tell me off when I play or dance and give it my very best (albeit poor) shot.

Compare me to another if I overspend on a regular base
Don’t tell me off for the odd impulsive purchase.

Compare me to another when I don’t live up to my claim
Don’t tell me off for fulfilling a promise despite the strain.

Compare me to another if I exaggerate my illnesses
Don’t tell me off for even those complaints that I understate.

Compare me to another when I am being insensitive
Don’t tell me off for my alternate perspective.

Compare me to another for my faults
Don’t tell me off for your perceived flaws.

Compare me to another if you must – Consistently
Don’t tell me off and praise me for the same deed, just as you please.

- Written on 21 October 2008.
- A conversation with a cousin triggered me to complete this long past written draft. I just typed in a poem I had in me since my preteen years. A thought I had articulated when in college, but not recorded as I have now.
- I think I thought better then and write worse now :)

After a Long time

Well may you ask why I absented myself for such a long time. That is the truble with me, I am never regular at anything unless rules and regulations accompany it and even then I find my way around these things.

Sharing my thoughts is something I always do, however, writing them down does not seem to be as much fun as reveling in them in my private domain - my thoughts. :)

What have I been upto? Not much. Will I get back to the story of Untouchables? Likely. Now? No. Soon? We will see.

I have an offering here though. A poem. After so many prosaic pieces in prose one boring offering in rhyme.

Here goes:

If I can't be free
In my very own country;
I will free my mind
And soar in the skies high,
And with my intellect will unbind
The shackles that freeze my land in retro time.

My land burns, my people suffer
But with (c)ru(e)lers I cannot my opinions differ.
At every point I've to justify my rationality
I've to prove my patriotism while arguing for a different, improved nationality.

The media - channels and papers - never let up.
In their quest to get one up
I am a source
For them to improve their TRP force.

I can speak up as long as I do not hurt the 'rationalists'
Or I will be branded 'unpatriotic, worse than those terrorists'.
But I can soar in my mind and heart and I will
I will strive to tolerance in these (c)rulers instill.

I do not expect them to change, for I know I will not myself.
I only wish they would give me the space to be my own opinionated self.
I know i am lucky, luckier than most.
At least of my ability to think thus (freely) I can boast.

In this 61st year of Independence I celebrate
The deep-rooted conviction to liberate - to tolerate.

- Written on 28 August 2008.
(I think the Shabana Azmi controvery finally got to me). :)

Memories - Memoirs

There are times when 5 min of a power cut seems like ages and then there are times when a power cut just allows me to revisit old haunts, revision interesting events and rethink my philosophies. I love whiling away hours with just my thoughts for company. I can just loll around the bed or even stare at a wall or TV or comp screen or even a book and take off on tangents in my mind. I fly to distant places and people. Not foreign, not always, but distant. Removed from this time and space by a few years. They may be remembrances or they may be dreamscapes of the future. It is a lot of fun most of the time.



However, because I love my mindscapes and live in them so often, I rarely know for sure if my memories are fact or fiction. I read somewhere that memories often change shape and are fashioned by what we choose to remember. Some of are better at repressing or reshaping memories than others. Hypnosis and many branches of psychiatry work successful on this premise.



Now why am I rambling about memories instead of engaging with them? Well, a friend asked me to jot down memories of our college days. I do not know if I can record them. So this is my way of engaging with the task.

My Art Gallery

Can you see on the wall the tree?
How it dances, how it weaves?

Black has so many shades you know,
It makes you appreciate the colours more.

Darkness needs light to showcase its beauty.
While light needs darkness to shine brightly.

So when the power is cut for an hour or two,
Kickback and enjoy the live art show.

-Written on March 25, 2008
- Yes, yet another power cut, but only for a couple of hours. I enjoyed the trees dancing on the wall. As cars passed by at times there were more colours and shapes changed even. The music of insects humming outside, the swish of cars speeding by, the absolute silence, the peace... it was better than meditation according to me. :)

A Conversation Revisited

I recently attended a talk (interactive session) on ‘Animation and its Role in Society’. Up stands a social analyst and Senior Editor and comments that animations are spoiling the ethos of society and need to first educate mothers, since they park their children in front of cartoons and go about their work. It annoyed me to see so many nods in the audience and amused me to see the flummoxed animator from USA wondering how animations were responsible for poor availability of child care. The following is a record of a conversation I had with this so very concerned individual:

I questioned the veracity of the comment that ‘mothers’ parked their kids in front of TV. I stated that I was sure he meant ‘parents’.

No the mother is the prime care taker and she absconds from this great responsibility by either hiring others (in USA even teenagers!) to do work she should be doing. She does not seem to realize that kids learn values and ethics from their parents.

I remarked that since they (kids) learn values and such from their ‘parents’, perhaps the father too should be involved in the child care and thereby is equally responsible for ‘the deterioration of society’ as is claimed by such an esteemed analyst?

But you do not understand, or more likely refuse to understand, the mother is the primary care taker, all said and done.

Sure, till the child is about 2 at most, if you consider breast feeding etc. Then, anyone can take of the child. Or are men not competent?

Of course, men are competent, but they have to work as well. When do they take care of the child?

What about women? Do they not work? When would they fulfill their obligations?

They have household help for such things. And the market is inundated with appliances for their convenience. Yet, you all crib.

Since appliances do not, as yet, run on their own and subordinates (servants) do need monitoring, women do work as home managers these days and not maids, but nevertheless, they have work! Just as Finance MBAs are not glorified accountants according esteemed people, or that editors do not work less than reporters who actually file stories; so too women do not just have ‘conveniences’ and no responsibilities. ( I was desperately trying to be cool and collected at this point).

See you are veering away from the topic. It began with social responsibility of animations.

No sir, I am very much within the topic. Since gender sensitivity is part and parcel of society and it s needs, attitudes like yours need to be questioned.

See, the fact of the matter is children are not taken care of properly and watch cartoons that do not teach them values adequately. While women may have other responsibilities as well, we need to realize that children are our priority.

When do cartoons get televised in India? I mean on regular channels. And which are the popular timings for cartoons?

Evenings and weekends generally. Which is why I do not understand why children are parked in front of the TV? Now you cannot claim that women are working!

Of course, I can claim that! They are busy with household chores.

Household chores!!!!!! What chores? Everything is done for them.

Ok. Even if I grant this point. And I do agree with you that children should not have been parked in front of the TV and they should have someone entertaining them in other ways.
See. I am right.

Yes. Of course. Why whatever are the men, also at home at this time, doing? When children learn values etc from their parents, why are the fathers not teaching them? They have chores and no priorities???

Well, women have always been the traditional caretakers.

Hmm. Joint families have also been traditional systems. We no longer follow them.

Exactly. Women have broken this system that allowed them to share chores and take care of their children better. And now the poor children are suffering.

Hmm. When the woman is wed she goes to her husband’s place?

Yes. (impatiently)

Mostly, in India at least, if the guy is staying in the same town as his parents, he stays with his parents. Boys always feel this strong responsibility to take care of their parents.
Am I wrong?

No no. Indian children always are dutiful.

In that case, the joint family system is only broken when the guy moves away. His job leads him to new places and the wife goes along with him as is tradition. So the joint family has broken down into a nuclear family only because of guys and not women.

Men need better jobs for their families. (Desperately. Did I mention that this guy’s parents are elder brother and in Latur and he with his nuclear family is in Mumbai due to his job? Well consider it said.)

Of course. But the women have not broken down the system. And the ones responsible for taking away the child rearing support system themselves do nothing to supplement the shortage as peak time for cartoons are exactly when these considerate, family loving group is at home. Ergo, parents, i.e. fathers and mothers, are responsible for any ‘deterioration of society’ and cartoons are not a cause of such. (I look at him for his point).

(I am met with silence. Angry silence. And a refusal to concede verbally, even for now.)

(I rest my case. )

– I am also not satisfied with this dialogue for obvious reasons. I am only butting my head against a people who refuse to grow up and realize that men and women are equal; that men can nurture as well as women and that women can be as personally ambitious as men. Neither choice is wrong, unless it hurts the person concerned. Even family and friends have to recognize this right to choose happiness that does not aim to hurt other people. Personal goals are not wrong, whether they involve being a homemaker or a gardener or a scientist or a business person.
– One cannot be happy in relationships if one is not satisfied with the person one is and the goals one has achieved. Why can’t people understand this instead of forcing down compromises that individuals are not ready for. If someone is going to thank you for your choice 2 years down the line, why force the person to abide by your decision today? In 2 years the concerned individual is going to happily choose your path anyway right? This is the age of second chances. Allow people to take them.
– My parents argue that if a child is committing a mistake, parents of curse must rectify it. True. But to what extent do you correct a child? A child fights with his/her best friend. You advice. You can encourage them to make up. But if they don’t, you leave them be. Other friends will come along. And the child will learn form this mistake to never take anyone else for granted. You force them to interact and you would most probably ruin the friendship. If a child is envious of another person’s achievements, you do not preach envy is a sin; you teach the child to achieve in one or the other field and to take pride in its achievements. The envy will automatically disappear.
– Similarly, with adults. Why force them when you can guide them to voluntarily choosing the path that is ‘correct’ for them? Why force sacrifices? Why not allow them to reorganize priorities at their own speed? Why not respect individuality?
– I am not talking about values or such philosophical things. I am concerned with the right to choose careers or life partners or even what to eat today.

– Written on March 22, 2008.

Modern Times are Coming Around…

“Boys may kindly ‘help’ around, girls do the housework
Of course society has progressed.”
“Guys are such little boys
Their macho needs can be easily humored.
Girls are so mature
Why bother splitting hairs?”
“You, girl, are too controlling
What will you do after the wedding?”
“How dare you, girl, ask a guy who dominates
What he will do if his wife retaliates?”
“Girl, don’t laugh so loud, it’s unbecoming.
Boys hurl abuses to only let off steam”
“Work hard, but don’t be proud.
Humility is a virtue and its own reward.”
“A boy has his pride and it has to be protected,
If he is angry, it is because he is deeply offended.”
“If a girl is out late,
She is a loose character of the worst sort!”
“If it is a boy though, who reaches home late
He is sowing wild oats, don’t snort!”
“Can you believe she ran away,
‘To chase her dreams’? – Such an ingrate.”
“Did you hear he fought with his parents and parted ways?
So independent, wanted to establish himself in his own way.”
“Guys crave adventure
They roam the world over.”
“Girls are steady,
They hold together the family.”
“If not anchored, guys will drift away,
That is why homes and names of girls are changed.”
“Girls adapt to change, by and large.
Take guys away from their hearths and they’ll be lost.”
Hey! These are not my statements.
Guys are equal to gals is the modern opinion.
The above quotes are the traditional view.
I am a modern. How about you?

– Written on March 21, 2008
– The poem is pathetic and fails abysmally in rhyme, structure and anything that defines poetry. However, my thoughts flowed this way and so here it is.
– I have been either reading books and articles, or viewing films, or hearing comments from people that it is so nice that boys these days help around the house. The very same books/films/people also manage to imply that the girl who is not satisfied looking after her hearth and home is a character to be pitied. She will later repent her ambitious choices. I wonder why the same is not said of guys. Why not ask them to seek contentment in compromising professionally to take care of hearth and home? They can and should make such compromises for their parents, for their religion even, and even if they do compromise for their children and/or life partner, it is made clear that they are making a sacrifice to satisfy their conscience and they are thereby great heroes. However, the woman who makes such a compromise is merely one who knows where her priorities lie and it is not as much a sacrifice as it is a rearrangement of plans to gain sublime happiness!!!!!!! Bull shit. I am still in an angry mode.

In response to Comment on MA Education in Hindi

While I agree that English is becoming the medium of communication globally, one must understand that we have in our education system a large section of the society who study in their vernacular. They in fact form the majority of our population. Do we deny them the need to think more theoretically by denying htem access to tertiary texts in their language?

Why is India so obssessed with educating its people in English anyway? So many countries worldwide have highly quaified thinkers and doers who know only their native language and are not conversant with English. However, the world gives them their due space. We translate texts into English French writings or German research or Japanese technologies and herald them as seminal works. These philosophers or researchers could not have possibly written such world wide acknowledged treatises in English. They also could not formulated their thoughts with such clarity and precision if they had been denied tertiary education in their own language.

Yet, in India, where we supposedly respect natie knowledge, we require the encoding of that knowledge to be in English. I think this paritiality exisits for one reason alone - to save costs. You see in our sector we do not want to spend too mch on education. Texts in English are difficult to source in tertiary education and when takes into account the costs of translating the requisite works into other languages and then publish them and distribute them..., why the cost is too prohibtive to imagine. We would rather have fewer articulate thinkers and doers than pay such exhorbitant prices to develop our future. However, since we cannot couch it in such terms, we state that this done so that no one is kept out of the circle of globalisation!!! That these thinkers and doers for whose ultimate benefit education in the vernacular is denied would anyway be kept out of the circle since they are not articulate enough in the new 'world language' is conveniently ignored.

We seem to not realise that language has a huge impact on the mind. There are a few feelings, thoughts that we primarily encode in our first language even if we have been exposed to other languages and have graduated to thinking almost exclusively in a language that is not part of our linguisitc community. The brain thinks pictorially, however, abstractions require to be worded. It is for this reason that children are not assumed to be able to think in the abstract. They who have limited access to language would naturally be not able to articulate their abstract thoughts. It is for this reason that deaf and dumb people were often termed dumb. Their access to any language was delayed and their stages of acquisition are more prolinged than those of a physically enabled child. However, today we recognise that we were the ones blind to the brilliance of some of these physically enabled people and are therefore keen on developing programmes that enable these people to access tertiary education in their own language. Yet, we refuse to extend the argument that language encodes thought and therefore limited access to language will also limit the thinking prowess of so many of our vernacular students.

We must also understand that proficiency in communicative English is not enough to be able to engage in texts that demand higher levels of discourse strategies. This requires fluency in the concerned language and fluency in thinking. The two are so interconnected that the lack in one is assumed to be the lack in the other. Genrally, we ignore the lack of language skills of a student and assume that it is their cognition that is average or below average. We understand, today, the difficulties of a dyslexic person. We understand that the person is merely deficient in picking up langauge skills, but is most likely to have above average intelligence. We are trying to include them in our study programmes. However, the average person who may not be skilled wnough to pick up two or more languages is denied his intelligence, because he is not able to engage with tertiary texts in a lnaguage not his own.

Given today's economic environments, the need to teach others to communicate in English is absolute. However, who decreed that individual research and philosophising must be articulated in English as well? If we look at models of countries that exhibit innovative thinking, we will find that most allow their people to study almost exclusively in their own language. I have met German Profs who speak more 'tukda' (broken) English and even the University peon manages to speak more competently in English. However, these Profs are highly acclaimed thinkers. Communication is achieved and their thoughts are shared with many because they were allowed to articulate in their language and now are improving their skills in the new 'world language' to communicate and not to philosophise or innovate.

Thinking is an extremely individual activity and to ensure that people be highly skilled in English to do manage in higher academia seems to me grossly unfair. At present, it is denying our country the treasures of knowledge encoded in one or the other vernacular. It demoralises an entire task force that is actively seeking recognition for its worth and is denied its rightful place of being considered an equal merely on the grounds of its incompetency in a particular langauge. In the future, I fear we will have lost many many languages. Today, there are many of us who do not know to read and write in mother tongue and have gradually lost our competency in languages like Hindi, which we did know to read and write in, simply because we think exclusively in the language of power - English. I doubt we will emphasise the importance our linguistic ethnicity to the ext generation, if we follow this trend. Even if we do stress that our vernacular be learnt, children most likely will not retain the language as their thoughts would be expressed primarlity in English. When a language is not worthy enough to articulate complex thoughts in and be recognised, then why teach it to children? Let them learn only the language that the world trades in. Let them learn only the English language.

Since languages encode cultures, with the death of languages, our cultures will be lost in the annals of history pages as well. The very structure of a language indicates the world views of its people. a very simple example would be the recognition of an object as masculine or feminine. It clearly encodes the paprameters of what constitutes masculine and what is feminine. While some might say there is all the more reason to switch to one of the most neutrally gendered languages of the world, English; we also would lose the ability to identify other living and non-living entities as equal to human life. The rules for the placement of an adjective before or after a noun is another example of structured world views. Does a particular linguistic community give more credence to a person, place etc., or is the description more valued? How important is abstraction to an average user of the language? Does a particular language allow for a more epigrammatic style of expression than another? Some languages follow more elaborate grammar rules than others indicating a highly evolved structure of governance within that community. Some tribal languages, for example, have fewer grammatical rules and their governance structure is also fairly primitive and simple. The examples I hve given are extremely basic and there are actually many more nuances to studying the realtionships between langauge, mind and society. However, I am sure you get my point about the importance of a language to any ethnic community.

In a world that is busy rediscovering its past to recover its future, we seem to be in a mighty hurry to erase our past that we have held on to for so long. Do we really want the death of our languages?

MA Courses in Regional languages?

Well I am not sure what I wish to write. I have so many ideas buzzing in my head.

Meeting wonderful people at Seminars and Academic Meetings and Workshops is exhilarating and yet intimidating for I always come away with a sense of awe that I was lucky enough to be able to interact with such esteemed dignataries who are revered the world over for their knowledge in their fields and also a feeling of beig totally unworthy of the luck and a questioning of ability to sustain any kind of dialogue with these learned geniuses and activists for a longer period.

I came across so many young people who are so active in NGO operations that I feel ashamed of my puny efforts. Here are people with the conviction to act on their beliefs, no matter how much it costs them personally. I admire them. I wish I could be more dedicated than I am.

In our meeting, we discussed the value of organising the MA Education Programme in Hindi medium as well. There were stong proponents and opponents. A major concern was that with the increasing impact of globalisation English is fast gaining precedence over other languages and so for the students professional prospects, it would be better to guide them to only English programmes and help them learn better English. A valid point that got raised was that are we running a course to coach PG students in Education or English? What do you think guys, should PG programmes be conducted exclusivley in English and not in regional languages?

Furthermore, translation of English academic texts into Hindi seemed to be a major obstacle. Apparently, the dearth of competent translators is a mjor concern. However, I firmly believe that one has to start somehwere. In fields like education and other social science related subjects like disaster management, course should be conducted in regional languages. There are so many out there who do ground work who are not ocncerned about transacting in English or any other language since most of their work never progresses beyond the state level, if it at all passes the district level. Indeed, to be effective, NGOs and other organisations have to ave personnel who can communicate in the local language. So which is in the position of power when it concerns language - English or the regional dialect?

Additionally, with the availibility of academic texts in their languages, activists will be able to encode their rich experience and vast knowledge of grassroot reality in a language that will make people sit up and take notice. Translation will not remain a one way medium that involves only translating material from English into regional languages, the reverse flow will occur as well. This can only be an enriching process for all concerned.

A pertinent question raised was - are to allow our languages to die and force people engaging with a local dialect to articulate themseles in English, simply because it is easier to keep track of one language or because it is difficult to find competent translators and such? When so many countries refuse to engage with English academia and continue their tertiary displinary learnings in their native language, why do we persist with the colonial hangover?

Don;t get me wrong. If regional dialects come into play in the academic field, I will lose out the most, since my primary language has evolved to be English. Yet, I cannot but endorse the promotion of tertiary education in regional languages as true spreading of education. Education and not literacy, which is only what we will achieve if we try to force information only in English in our efforts to empower people in the name of education.

Do write me in your comments.

Method 1

Well my poems I have decidedto keep them off this blog for the time being as most are too personal and then I end up defending myself or clarifying my feelings. Most people do not seem to understand that it was a moment in time that I have recorded and not my whol ephilosophy of life!!!!!!!!

So you are stuck with my rambling prose pieces if you are checking this blog. So what is it that I ramble about today? Well old topics in a new bottle work mighty well for me. So here goes.

I was thinking of getting my students to perform skits in class. Impromptu ones, where I give each a role to adhere to and they improvise as they are performing. Except that the information I would give to each roleplayer might be contradictory. For example, I tell student A that she was interested in purchasing a state-of-art laptop for her tech crazy kid brother and the she should be asking the salesperson loads of uestions in order to make up her mind between two models, I tell student B that this customer is wasting the time of your juniors by haranguing them for details of some product or the other and then not purchasing it and that this has been goin on for more than a week and that Student B needs to be firm with the customer. Given these roles the students have to adhere to them and develop their dialogues while they are interacting with the other roleplayer.

While the roleplay was fun and they had to polish their language skills as well in the course of this activity (the objective of the activity is language enhancement), I realised that this activity can get out-of-hand for students aged 17-19 and especially in a mixed group. It worked really well with my TISS students who are more mature, but these kids seem to be more involved in how rude the other person was or how weak instead of focussing on the role given to them. Too many clashes led me to cancel this activity in this particular class.

I did have fun while it lasted, but the after class tension was actually firing the class rivalry system. I was there to promote communication efficiency and not develop exisiting tensions. The post class conselling for mitigating rival faction problems was too exhausting. I do not know if this makes me a poor teacher who is not interested in trying to work out solutions for the class. It is just that there are so many other activities that were easier to introduce to the clas to enhance their language skills that I did away with this one. Yet, a doubt lingers. Did I give up too easily? Should I have continued the activity and hoped that students would learn to interact better even in conflicting situations?

I don't know if I gave up too easily this time. I do know that my class runs more smoothly and I have less post class complaints about how students are teasing a particular roleplayer. I also know that next year I am going to introduce this very same activity to another batch and hope I would have learnt from my mistakes and improve students' communication skills and teach them the art of negotiating not through case studies but though their own situations.

If you guys have any ideas, please do let me know.

I love this life

Well many would be surprised. I usually live the good life and crib about the bad life :)

So what have I been upto huh? Well a lot of things actually.

I learnt a lot about apertures and zoom lens and linear editing and non linear editing and ENG and script writing and what not. I also learnt to teach using the LCD as a primary resource. I learnt you can shout at your students and cough a lot and the coughing is more effective in getting them to jump to do your bidding.

I learnt that watching movies - 6 a day at times can be very tough, especially, if you are also battling a bout of bronchitis.

I learnt that watching your friends on TV is not 1/1000th as good as hugging them in person. I got many of my friends to accept that facebook and orkut be damned, meeting your friends on the road is way more exciting and makes you feel way more connected. I learnt that when you do meet your friends you are not the least interested in harping on that point, you just wanna hug them and talk to them. I learnt that friends arriving to pick you up to get to Khala Ghoda festival and then dropping you home make you feel that this life is the best life there is. I learnt that seeing 29 year olds enjoy making a pot of clay is more exhilirating than all the movies and books in the world.

I learnt that teachers retiring - (this academic year made me realise there were quite a few Independence year babies in the academic world I inhabit) - anyway, I learnt that teachers retiring means that a a new chapter has begun, not that the book's conclusion has been reached. I learnt that these so-called retirees had more zest left in them than most of us applauding them.

I learnt that I could actually singlehandedly feed a cabbie his daily wages as I travelled from home to college 1, then rushed to college 2, proceeded to college 3 and then 4 and then with a brief stopover in the library trudged back home in a cab or auto, too tired to fight the hordes on the more public tranport systems like buses and trains. That I also lugged chunks of assignments that students handed me and managed to correct them in the taxi is but a corollary. I also learnt that trians are fast and cheap and the IRTC food is not half bad when I am famished.

I learnt that Mumbai could get as cold as Delhi. Colder even. I learnt that I could still make it to the 7a.m. lecture and what is more students made it as well!!!!!!!!! I learnt that doctors are human and they can leave your bronchitis untreated if you do not raise a hue and cry and it almost develops into pneumonia (again).

I learnt that students are often much more clever than you give them credit for and you need to push them to stretch their limits which means you need to stretch yours and for me that was a lot of sweat. I learnt that many of friends were involved in organisations that I had never heard of, but all sound so exciting that my head is still reeling from trying to decide which one I can dedicate my time to. I learnt that it is damn easy to get on the executive committee of certain groups. I should know, having been inducted in one.

I have learnt that I am not bad at liasoning have ing found people for 15 or more jobs. I have also learnt that my mobile company can squeeze more than 300 bucks per month from me. Said liasoning has led me to pay nearly double that. Furthermore, I have learnt that people take me for granted now and expect me to have miracles under wraps just awaiting their call. Calling them back, aplologising is another thing I have learnt. I additionally learnt that people are very sweet and are very quick to forgive me.

I have also learnt that I have this uncanny ability to put on kilos whenever I take antibiotics and that means I have added on oodles to my preexisiting oodles. I have learnt that it makes no difference to those who see me everyday and those that see me never. As for the rest, I have learnt to say - 'Dem don't matter' ;) I have relearnt that cooking is still a pain and that stitching more so and shopping the worst by far. I have learnt that books are getting expensive and so is travel but film festivals are galore and are free of cost. I have also learnt that cousins are good for things more than irritating you by pushing you to better yourselves. They actually publish blogs, which are free of cost, and provide great reading (and looking) material forcing you to look at the everyday life with a fresh perspective and making you take off on tangents thereby ensuring your constant entertainment. (For reference read Easwar's blog).

I have learnt that when people come visit you they actually do come to visit you and not your not so clean home. I have learnt that redoing your bathroom (getting it redone actually) is a royal pain. I have learnt that kabbadiwallas may not accept your loft things - that is how outdated my family can be.

I have learnt that using the scanner can be a pleasure, even when you have scanned a book of 200 pages and just when processing the 200th page your solution centre pops a message that there is some error and your file cannot be saved.

I have learnt that sooner than later your friends from different circles seem to meet each other without you around to facilitate the meeting making you wonder what your purpose in this world is. I have learnt that humility is a virtue that I sorely lack, but false (actually even true) confidence is a vice that I don't possess in abundance either.

I have learnt that learning is going to be lifelong process, especially if I keep having to relearn things I have already learnt.

I have learnt that there is actually some blessed soul on this earth who read through this rambling.

Blogging after a long long time

Hey Folks!
My cousin, a while back was chastising me (AGAIN!!!!!! ) for not being regular enuff at posting my thoughts.

I offered him many many excuses ofcourse. It just that it is a tad difficult to sound convincing when you know he works much much harder than you and for longer hours, yet manages to post regularly not on one but two blogs!!!!! Furthermore, he manages to chat with you, respond to your emails, is in touch with friends, sightsees, helps out galores... well, perhaps, I should have just pleaded 'intimidated'. Except that I am not that either. Takes too much energy to be remain intimidated for long.

So why do not blog regularly? Especially when I ideate so often. I even write on scraps of paper- a lot of crap. How much time could it possibly take to type a few of them down? I seem to have no qualms remarking on various things and people. Why not just post them? Some of my mails, that go on and on much to my friends' disgust could have been posted, especially, since the said friends never would make the mistake of revisiting my page.

So why have I been so lackadaisal? Well I have to be honest, Easwar. Plain and simple laziness. I just can't think of any other reason that sounds reasonable enuff. Of course my net was not working and I was saving download bytes but other than that - sheer laziness. You will just have to live with that and be happy that I comment on your blog at times. Other than you most of my other online treasures are not as prompt. Give me a lot of company, they do. Will try and post a few more thoughts.

Yours lazily,
:)

Overshot Budget lament

Once again I goofed up,
What I was to save I blew up.
On what you may well ask,
Well travelling was the main evil cause.
Autos and taxis and buses even
Ate away even my pocket linen.
This month's budget is shot
Rains why do you cause such havoc?
Traffic snarls and feverish cold
Add a spendthrift and voila! A budget hole.

All I can hope for is loads of paper correction
For library fees are out, so what do I do for entertainment?
To think that I felt 3000 was a big enough amount
And then exceeded it before the month was out!
Next month will see my kanjoosigiri's new heights
But hopefully, the very next month I can buy what I sight.

Oh! for sticking to the budget
Don't SMS or talk on the cell so much.
Stay away from Baristas and Mac's
And meet friends at each other's homes.
Do not go book hunting with your pockets full
And do NOT reward students howmuchever they struggle.
And NEVER, never go to your college on teacher's day
Those self made cards and the small treats, they all eat into your pay.
Oh! and don't ever fall ill
The worse of the lot is the doctor's bill.

Yet, I cannot regret my spendthrift ways
I know I will pen similar sagas till doomsday.
The paraphrased lines of an advert that I like best
The moment's pleasure - "priceless."

-Written on 28th September 2007

- Well, exaggerated a bit. i can manage the money but I am still annoyed with myself for overshooting my budget. And I had actually increased it for this month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Well you live and I don't learn :))))))))))))))))

Fear Mood

The late nights are getting to me,
As I lie awake waiting for sleep.
I am filled with so many fears,
I worry till my eyes let out my tears.

I know not for what reason I ache,
Why suddenly I am lying awake.
So many times have I failed,
Should I not be now used to the pace?

Yet, I am haunted by vague visions,
That sinister like taunt my ambitions.
I feel I am choking.
I wish I could stop thinking.

But my thoughts don’t seem to take a break.
Even though they are nonsense, I am swayed.
Moods are such a pain, are they not?
They seem to win always, no matter how hard you fought.

I await the time when I can recuperate,
I wonder how and when I will rejuvenate.
Tears seep out, fears cry out,
I yearn for peace or the ability to fade out


- Written on August 26, 2007
- Sitting in front of the comp at 12:30 a.m.
- Pretty self-explanatory. I don’t why I am so filled with fear all of a sudden. But I often go through these phases. I also feel angry most times if I have energy to spare. Right now I do not.
- Hope the mood shifts soon.

Remembering Patti

I remember

The times you took me to dance class at 9:30
The times you made me by heart till 30 times 30
The times you beat me at skipping and badminton and TT
The times you pushed me to relish whatever I was to eat
The times you served me my favorite savories with tea
The times you made keeraimashiayal or some other less liked curry
The times you told stories of people I may, unfortunately, never know
The times you pinched me, for reasons I always felt were hollow
The times you ordered me to follow customs and traditions
The times you graciously bowed before my superior arguments
The times you humbled me with your thirst for knowledge
The times you awed me with your unstinting courage
The times you horrified me with your penchant for hard work and your dedication
The times you terrorized me with your demands for perfection
The times you exercised even if you retired late at night
The times you never shut me up if it was only your brains I fried
The times you would listen to, and abide by, what I had to say
The times you would do the contrary and then expect me to obey!
The times you allowed me my freedom of expression
The times when you hurt me with your criticism
The times of working and the fun and games
The times of scolding and (mostly faint) praise.

I remember
All the times of mutual exasperation
All the times of mutual affection

I remember and I write this rhyme
As I realize that you are lost to me in real time.
But you live on Patti
In my memory.

I know my memories of you are different
From those of your other grandchildren.
I am proud that I knew you separately, uniquely.
I hope I live up to the good qualities you inspired in me.

I wish you peace and happiness in your new journey.
I want you to know that your memory will be cherished by so many.


- Written on 23 August 2007
- My grandmother expired yesterday.
- It came to me in the middle of the night as thoughts, memories flashed past my closed eyes.
- I do not regret that she died. I know she would have wished it herself. I am glad her eyes could be donated. I am sure she would have haunted us if not. She had a strong social conscience that were at times not in step with the times we inhabited.
- There were so many times I have fought with her, hated her even. But so many other times when I have admired her. Her dedication to causes, even if I considered them lost, was admirable. Her unquenchable thirst for knowledge and her rather intimidating enthusiasm for hard work are qualities that I have always admired even if the latter is something I do not even wish to emulate. :)

- For Patti

I wish you, Patti, a new journey
That, too, allows you your cherished dignity
I wish you people who might obey
And follow what you ardently feel is the right way.
But hold your glee, for there might be
Some who remind you of me.

On Pallavi

I spoke, today, with a little girl of eight,
So verbose, so affectionate.
Why the Harry Potter book and not the movie,
Why dance lessons while enjoyable are tiring.
Why music classes are so much fun,
With games of Hide-and-Seek and Magician.
Knows no strangers, this child who reasons.
I am yet to meet a child more winsome.
Rightly so, she has a long list of friends
Their varied interests make her more exuberant.
Reading she loves and her vast collection gives her pride
Her mother’s accusation of glancing through pages, she loudly decries.
Without hesitation she bursts into a song requested,
Ingenuously, she guides you along the path she’s charted.
By a mere child, I am humbled again,
Strangely grand are God’s ways.


- Written on August 15, 2007

- A conversation with Pallavi, a cousin’s child, led me to articulate what I have oft thought when meeting kids. God/Life/ some superior power/ energy force makes us realize that we have lost more than we have gained in terms of innocence and faith, hope and mercy, as we traverse through life in the guise of the more evolved version of humans – an adult.
- I wondered how I would speak with her, what could I talk about. She left my concerns in the dust. The girl held my hand and gently led me along. The sighted leading the blind. And a better guide I couldn’t have asked for.
- I am constantly surprised by children’s rationale. And know what? They often make more sense than the adults around them. She is a darling child, this one. But hey, that is what kids are most times, right? I hope adulthood never befalls them – or if it does then only in the best of spirits.
- Thank you all kids in my life, (since Karthik, before that I was a kid myself). Thank you for constantly educating me.

Incessant Rain

The rains are lashing everything in their way
We haven’t seen the sun for days.
Water is refreshing, I cannot deny
But moderation is surely required?
How can the earth absorb such a drenching,
As the heavens pour constantly?
Usually a pleasant sight, the trees swaying,
Today, brings with it dread of their falling.
The water levels rising should not concern
Those cocooned safely in their home.
But even here, the rains get flak,
Clothes do not dry, walls turn green and black.
Every surface is coated with such grime
That even wet wipes cannot make them shine.
Cleaning takes ever so long and seems so pointless
Everything is so dull, so lifeless.
Will it ever stop this incessant rain?
All it brings now is fear of suffering, of pain.

- Written on 5 August 2007
- It has been raining constantly for more than a week. I cannot go to Kalina library for fear of getting stuck in the lower lying area. And I have the usual rain wrought maladies. Need I say more?

Academics Ex

Recently I got into a debate with an uncle of mine about the value of academics for this generation. He felt that the upcoming crop of talent show winners are very young and need to be encouraged to complete their studies before they enter any professional field. I have a different view from his.

I opine that the world of academics is not one that is necessarily the right one for all. That getting a degree need not guarantee one a better frame of mind and better tools of trade with which we can succeed in this world. Endorsing formal education is an outdated concept and the status we accord individuals with a long list of degrees only on the basis of the degrees is not the attitude I would like to be encouraged.

I am pursuing my M.Phil. I wonder if this should automatically accord me status. Do you really think that just because I am actively pursuing higher and higher studies I am noteworthy? We associate qualities of intelligence, hard work and determination with people successful in the world of academia. I know for a fact that this is not true in many cases. Often it is a case of not knowing anything better to do, a knack for rote learning and/or favourable circumstances that accompany such individuals. When I compare my own efforts to those who use their common sense to solve our problems, who use native intelligence to start flourishing businesses or those unqualified individuals who with kindness and empathy help others, my questionable accomplishments pale into insignificance.

Education is supposed to broaden one's horizons but all too often highly qualified individuals are too limited in their thinking. It is quite often a case of a big fish in a small pond versus a small fish in an ocean. I am not too sure that the big fish option is one that I would recommend, especially in this day and age of globalisation.

I work with a few others in helping those students who are termed weak because they are unable to cope with the medium of instruction - English. In the process I also come across students who are weak academically. These students are bright. They have solutions for problems that are practical. Their concepts are clearer and more grounded in realities and take into consideration the financial aspects. At TISS, these are the students who are often identified as the ones with true potential. But they might not make it into the academic limelight just because they often drop out due to the pressures of the narrow minded academia. But their strength of mind and their dedication is such that rise they will and help others in the process.

A number of my friends are in media (includes acting). I know that a number of business opportunities present themselves in this field and that quite a number of them venture into lesser heard avenues. Setting up or being involved in production houses, recording studios, security services, rental agencies, boutiques, restaurants, event management companies, PR agencies, etc are a few of the lanes that we hear of so often. We need to teach the upcoming winners of various talent shows to recognise such opportunities and to use them to their advantage.

In India, we have a dearth of continuing education classes that will cater to individuals who would like to broaden their horizons and venture into unconventional streams. Our business administration course are sadly lacking at the lower levels. How many of us would really want to do an MBA in finance? But how many of us do wish to know more about the world of finance so that we are better equipped safeguard our interests? How many courses do you know of that can cater to this need? If we are lucky enough to know someone who will share their knowledge fine, otherwise we are left to find our way through the wilderness of the Internet and that is even more confusing than not knowing anything. I know that the academic world feels that such courses are not very necessary as they are not 'professional' courses. Eclectic learning is something they cannot fathom. Gaining basic knowledge in various practical courses is something our society does not respect. We would rather have professional specialists to look up to.

There is a popular saying that experience is the best teacher. Obviously, IT companies go by this maxim. The number of non engineering, indeed non science students they induct is increasing day by day. In fact, arts and commerce students are seen to be outshining the traditionally looked up to individuals from the science field in this industry. A glaring example of a degree not being so important in this world is the number of hackers being invited to be on the pay roll of so many programme developing companies. Many of these hackers who defeat the programmes of academically qualified professionals are mere students. What use academia then?

I don't think it is right that we are still promoting conventional academics as the right path to adopt. If students who are not academically inclined are forced to continue in this line we are losing valuable talent. Let us not be so bowled over by academic qualifications that we forget that some of the most notable achievements have been accomplished by people that the academia spurned initially. I name Einstein and Bill Gates as oft quoted examples but there are so many more success stories.

We value academics so much. But does academics really contribute so much to the world? We rush to a specialist for snake bite when a 6 year old tribal can easily prescribe an antidotal remedy with more chances of success. We have a blot like Gujarat politics on our conscience in spite of the fact that we have an eminently qualified Prime Minister and a very highly qualified President! We cry foul against the Indian label being tagged on to the London Bomb blast suspects and conveniently forget the acts of terrorism being perpetuated in our country. The aiding and abetting of terror by the Government of Gujarat is one example. It has become so easy to hold to ransom the public. What use academia when an award winning student is dismissed because his painting is such that narrow minded bigots cannot envision? For making token protests?

Don't get me wrong. As a student and as a teacher I value education a lot. It is only that we get too easily awestruck by people who hold high degrees. We attribute to them qualities and powers that they might never possess. We look down on those with lesser qualifications, though they might be more talented. We show off the names of the colleges we attended like we were given admittance to the pearly gates of heaven. I admit that heaven would be easier to get into than some of our colleges, but let us not overdo the importance. Shining in academics need not translate into shining in the day-to-day grind we call life or vice versa. Academics is not always the right option for all.

When intelligent youngsters of this generation rebel against a system of rote learning of outdated concepts and impractical fields how can I not applaud them? When they go about blazing trails for the next generation to follow how can I not encourage them? Sure there are failures. But hey! After seeing so many suicide cases when academic results are announced we sure can't deride the attempts of trail blazers. I understand that a high standard of living and fame is what motivates a lot of the talent show contestants but isn't that exactly why we harp about getting a good education? Are our motives in encouraging children to shine in academia concerned with their mental growth alone? We guide them to 'professional' disciplines and then dare criticise the children who are so honest about their dreams! As for emotional maturity, sure there are participants who reak down because they can't hack it, but then the 10th and 12th Std. results also lead to so many depressed individuals that we cannot state that academia is the better option or even a safer one.

I wish our society can move beyond the conventional. I wish our education system could better cater to individuals with wider interests than the previous generation. But as long as these wishes are not fulfilled I can only applaud those with the courage to dream and go after their dreams without worrying about society's expectations. Society, they well know, will applaud success be it accompanied by a degree or not. After all we have our Laloo Prasad Yadav.

-Written on 7 July 2007

- Would love to hear from you guys. This one too just wrote itself out. will have to read it later to gain perspective.

- As for the title it is play on work ex as in experience vs. ex - as in out