To Devika 💫

She lost her father when she was merely nine, 

She stated it matter-of-factly, never whined. 

She picked up the threads and smiled again

Her mother and her siblings gave her love and courage.

In college then she lost her mother too,

Desolate she was, but her siblings made sure she was not too shook.

Then marriage

A new, hopeful, golden age. 

China beckoned, 

Snow fights lovingly commenced.

A baby daughter, an answer to prayers

Arrived to spread sunshine and cheer.

Love was abundant, 

Cribbings were about the inconsequential. 

Then struck cancer to destroy a family

But again she fought back so very bravely. 

She had her loved ones around her always

To cherish her, to cajole her, to be her reserve brigade.

She won battles, seemed to have won the war,

But cancer was not done by far,

It struck again and again, 

All she did seemed in vain. 

Triple whammy and she finally lost

The battle and the war, seemingly a lost cause. 

But what she has done over the years, 

Smiling away through the fears and tears. 

Inspirational - her family and she as a unit, 

With their love and their grit. 

Her family is strong, they have long borne, 

The threat of her being gone was long known.

But even the strong sometimes feel to nothing faded.

So thoughts and prayers are always needed, 

Loss is loss no matter what, 

'You will be missed, Devika'.

PS. Well that is not her name per se now, but that is the name I knew her by the best. 

- Written on 16 Nov 2023 when I got the news that she had moved on to a better place. 

- Revised and posted on Facebook on 18 Nov 2023 because I felt I needed to, even if I do not tag her or mutual friends, I needed to let the world know we have a great soul gone away from us. 

The following image and an excerpt from her mail in 2007 is how I would best like to remember Devika (Sheetal Mulchandani). 

this is at hangzou zoo.....oops i was shit scared........heeeeeee but enjoyed the moment too.

chill devika

Related info (says a lot about her family's grit) 

 

 

Sleep: Recovery Mode

Sleep it overwhelms you even as you plan
How to do the myriad things that in the planner you scan.
The eyes close, the mind shuts down,
A pill for pain that you have ignored for long.
The noise around you, the overbright light, the food you need eat,
All ignored, forgotten, in this quest your body and mind journey.
Phone bells buzz, notifications run amok, but nothing registers
You might for all purposes be to the world dead.
Unplugged, you steadily recharge,
Though the pain stays, you can now with renewed vigor your own path chart.
Sleep, the ultimate pill for recovery.
Sleep, the best comfort in this journey.
May we never part ways for long
No matter how old I grow, may our bond stay strong.

- Written on 21 October 2023.

- I crashed after a series of long days with a rib injury and a particular long day today due to invigilation. 

Dress Codes and Functions

Dress codes for temples I care not about
Do Gods decide on blessings on what I wear or not?
Saree is good, not the salwar
Sure, and home is good, not blaring shlokas.
Yes the rhythms are good, the intentions too,
But focusing on the outside is the opposite of what is preached as right and good.
Rituals are wonderful for those who want to follow them or merely observe,
But for those forced they are just more rules that their inner desires cruelly govern.
Yet, again there are kindly ladies,willing to stand in for you
Dressed in elegant sarees, the perform rituals you were meant to.
This is divine, this is pure, a feeling to cherish, a reason to religion endure
The concern, the care, the camaraderie the social gathering brings does one lure.
The words spoken in English since they think I know no Tamil,
The concern that I feel involved and the bearing of so much good will.
It was with mixed feelings that I walked home yesterday
It is with mixed emotions that I reflect on temples and religion, even today.

- Witten on 18 October 2023.

- Appa had given for Chandi Homam in the temple during this Navratri season with the idea of women being workshipped (I was to do the worshipping).

Happy Ganesh Chathurthi 2023

Clear skies, a blue so bright,
In clouds, I see images that delight.
Childhood brought back on a lazy afternoon,
The wind sings through birds and trees dispelling all gloom.

O Vignaharta, today you come reside in homes and pandals,
O Saravsiddhanta, you remind us to follow goodness' cause.
O Varaganapati, may you help us guard,
O Sarvatman, this earth precious to all.

O Siddhipriya, may all be healthy and happy,
O Vidyaridhi, may all have wisdom and peace.

Perhaps all we need is just to look up,
Relive our childhoods, our innocence.
Perhaps all we need do is pause and reflect deep,
Perhaps that is enough for this world to intact keep and us to all good reap.

Happy Ganesh Chathurthi 2023!

- Written on 19 Sep 2023.

- Self-Explanatory 

But I also have another rhyme, written today, feels quite unrefined, but here goes: 

Vinayaka Chathurthi is here again with all its glory,
Folks rediscovering their love for pandals and blazonry,
The sounds absent for 2 years of lockdown
Now back fully despite my groans an frowns.
Yet, this industry has suffered so,
It is good to see people revive the old.
The old ways of decorations,
The idols to represent incarnations.
Yet you know me I can't help but question,
What in this madness will happen to the environment?

Vignaharta, remove all obstacles from saving earth
Sarvapriya, may all have wisdom, peace and mirth.

May You 'Live' Your Dream

This Teacher’s Day was tough as I thought of you,
All the many lessons I never learnt as you meant me to.
All the many times you shouted I would regret,
I wish I could those moments again to live through get.
Yet I know I would not learn,
I am yours, I am stubborn :)

Today, another milestone, your birthdate past,
Know that you have made your mark.
I still have many, many who reminisce
How you would your words never mince 😏😜
How you were always there to support
When times were tough you would stand strong like a fort.
How you had a kind word for many 😳
Amma, how come I don't recall for myself any? 🧐 😂
But your reprimands all we both remember very well,
K today mimicked how you would have at me yelled 🤣
But you have left a legacy however small the circle may seem,
Just wishing you Amma, may you now at least 'live' your dream.

Be at peace. Be at ease.
Be safe, healthy, wherever you be.
Be happy, have whatever you need.
Be loved by all you meet.

-Written on 16 Sep 2023.

- Self-explanatory.

Kochi - Carefree Bliss in April 2023

Days of carefree bliss,
Filled with sunshine's kiss.
Making merry, eating plenty,
Converting folks to having tea on the balcony :)
An oasis of calmness with plants, chairs and a swing
Conversations filled with joy and warmth as the skies turned purple and pink.

A day out with another cousin
Exploring the Biennale, at artsy joints eating
Listening and learning through an interesting online meeting,
Into late late night reminiscing.
Ending with the warmth of a morning breakfast dosa
With mahani and thair and more laughs.

Then came the houseboat, words fall short,
The photo sessions, the music, the conversations, the scenery
Birds afloat or on lines, the lazy drifting on the waters of Allappey.
The afternoon snooze on waters clear, smooth and deep
The quiet joy will remain forever with me.

Then to the beach, oh, what fun,
Naysayers converted to being willingly drenched :)
Icecreams and chips and all the gorging
Ending with cleaning up and another outing!

Then the Biennale through the eyes of a child,
The questions, the observations made the fest come more alive.
Art is to be revisited to discover perspectives galore
Discovering new places and old haunts brought delight to the fore.

Relaxing, doing nothing, not cooking nor cleaning,
On evening or morning walks more talking than strolling,
On the Kochi Metro riding, a Musuem exploring,
A temple, a palace - everything so mind-blowing.

Antakshari and 20 questions and karaoke and conversations many
But most importantly the cocoon of camaraderie,
The soothing feeling of being loved and treasured
For just being you, not being judged or measured.

It has been an amazing week in Kochi,
But the memories and the joy linger lending warmth of times happy.

Thank YOU for being such wonderful hosts
But more for being not just family, but dosts :)

- Written on 24 April 2023.

- Spent an amazing week in Kochi 3-10 April. It is blis to have family as friends. :) 

- 

Rest? Defeated Again

The galaxy's weight on one's shoulders
The chest weighed down by unknown boulders.
Memory plays hide and seek
All one wants to do is retreat.
Into the blankets, into oneself, one's shell,
No talking, no thinking, just breathing and surviving what seems like hell.
The head aches and throbs all thought and feeling away
Pain seems insignificant to describe this senseless array.
Every act of being and doing feels a feat
Yet one knows that one is only heading towards defeat.
'Rest', they say, as if one doesn't want to
But the head reels even lying down
Thoughts creep one out eerily, make in more in helplessness drown.
Even the nails ache, it is a fight everyday
To try to be normal, to on course stay.
'R.E.S.T.', they say again, I wish too,
But then I jerk awake.

- Written on 31 August 2023.

- Was in Pune for a workshop. Just not well. 

Happy Teacher's Day - 2023

A series of rhymes on Teacher' Day: 

Teachers are seekers who find talent
To hone them well to aid this earth challenged
No one is bereft, in each eye they see a shine,
But sometimes they too go awry and cease being fine.
They too need help and counselling and rest and resetting
This Teacher’s Day, let us reach out to heroes all for some caring and sharing.
Unwind, relax, let the day go by,
Relax first, then you can reach for the sky.

_____________________________________
Teachers are

Thoughtful
Energetic
Adaptive
Curious
Humane
Empowering
Resilient

They have to be to help the future generation create a better, greener world that includes everyone equitably.

This Teacher's Day we salute these stalwarts.

Happy Teacher's Day!

_____________________________________

The years are tough, the hours are long
The requirements are such, they weaken the strong
But somewhere, somehow, the grit remains
Every time, somehow, passion still gains
Through duties of election and census surveys,
Through resource crunches and unequal pay scales,
Through outcome testing squeezing teaching
By adapting, evolving, ever striving
To the core stay true
To one's very best give and do
Teachers inspire a generation and more
They are boat taking us to progress' shores.

- Written on 5 Sep 2023. 

- Self Explanatory. 

So tempting and its corollary

So near to tempt,

Not dark, but light intense,

Welcoming, almost healing

As one yearns, it is beckoning. 

One breath less and it will be there

Holding, comforting, leaving you no care.

No more hurting, no more burning,

Close, so close it feels, but it is soon morning. 

And one breathed enough it seems,

Still suffering, death still a relief just in dreams.

Aah! One must go on, smile, breathe,

Hurt or not, plod on, one day, some day, one will be freed.

 

 

Corollary Note

Getting well is sometimes a grim, arduous struggle.

To let go, to be unhappy or passive-regressive is not a gamble.

It lets one dive inside oneself, to get past feeble schemes. 

Breathing is both more and less challenging that it seems.

Not everything is as one in one's mind deems. 

And not everything should ever be as one dreams.

Struggles are not bad altogether,

They let you pause, reflect, your strengths realise and gather,

Your goals refine, your needs redefine,

They make you anew yourself find.

- Written (and drawn) on 20 July 2023.

- Been on a recover health journey for all of July. Damn frustrating.

- What exactly:

Well it began with rains and sinus.
Led to low BP which accompanies intense pain and meds.
Then I got a viral. That added to my misery
Then my lungs, they discovered, did not escape injury. 
So I struggle at times to breathe,
Some times are ok, some do me freak,
But am recovering worry not,
It is a familiar road I travel on.
I will take care and become better, 
It will take months, though, to properly recover.

Lose yet Stand Tall

Karm karo, phal ki iccha mat karo.
Can one really over loss not ever cry, over success not crow?
Jo hua achha hua...jo hoga accha hi hoga
I have heard this times a thousand from my appa.

But while I know, I know full well, this too shall pass
We shall work harder and get other grants,
It is tough to not think what could have been better,
Could I have worked harder, smarter, faster?

Where did I falter?
Why not this grant did we garner?
I did try hard, but was it my best?
So many people worked so hard, did I too much rest?

Even as I think this, the team stands by together
Stating the process and the learnings make us a winner.

The ones on the dais are excellent
Their pitches wonderful and very much welcome.
But we had a story to tell too,
Our need is strong too.

What next I wonder,
Even as I stand stronger, and believe it or not, taller.
Not one accusation of 'not enough'
It is humbling, touching, it chokes me up.

So thank you one and all for this specific year long journey
To have had your support, your talents, your friendship make me very lucky.

Newer paths to our goals beckon
Our time to shine brighter will arrive soon, I reckon.

- Written on 24 February 2023.

- We came third in the HCL Grant for Education and secured 25L instead of coming 1st and securing 5Cr. :(

365

365 days of you being gone,
But you still in our memories everyday live on,
So many a time as I pummel K, I turn
Expecting you egging me on to make him squirm.
Amma's room it still is,
Oh! You would have so loved to resist.
But worry not, we are not melancholy
We remember you with laughter, with glee
No more do we your shouting or beating need to flee.
Old jokes, your quips for even new incidents crop naturally
Your birthmate told me today you are watching over us
Don't Amma, you go live your new 'life' to the fullest.
We are good. We have many moments treasured
We are good, for you made sure we were for you to back us.

365 days of freedom
Hope you are enjoying your journey to the brim.

- Written on 20 April 2023.

- Self-explanatory. 

Happy Women's Day!

Happy Women's Day!

My other annual diatribe/wish/ditty follows :) 

In 2023, we still fight for equality. 

Gender and sex are still conflated constantly. 

Being a woman is celebrated, 

With praises women are validated. 

But the qualities ascribed still smack of patriarchy:

Giving, loving, multi-tasking, filial piety,... 

The list goes on with nowhere a respite

For women to take rest and not achieve a greater height.

So this my wish for this Women's Day

Be contrary as you will: be worldly, be fey. 

Rest, take care, let your soul revel and quench its thirst. 

Family, friends, colleagues - they matter, but let not your own wants burst.

Focusing on oneself is not being selfish,

Relax, kickback and the world will still revolve, promise.

We are not perfect and we need NOT be

Humans are born with frailties.

So to the Tomboy - find a tree, a mountain to climb. 

The Boss - to rip into someone may you reasons find. 

The docile - serve, if that pleases you. 

The rebel - fight, your cause becomes you. 

The soldier - become stronger and better. 

The artist - may creativity and recognition accompany forever.

The homeless - may you find comfort and safety. 

The single - may independence and solitude help you your goals achieve. 

The mother - may you find some quiet and peace. 

The Discovering-self woman - know that we are all with you in this journey. 

Whoever you are, whoever you become, 

Find peace with self for that's the essence of being human. 

Being true to yourself, not putting on a facade, 

Will make everyday a blessing for us all. 

Happy Women's Day, today and everyday!

A Happy Day to Everyone, for no one gender or sex should really walk alone.

- Written on 8 March 2023.

- Self-explanatory.