The late nights are getting to me,
As I lie awake waiting for sleep.
I am filled with so many fears,
I worry till my eyes let out my tears.
I know not for what reason I ache,
Why suddenly I am lying awake.
So many times have I failed,
Should I not be now used to the pace?
Yet, I am haunted by vague visions,
That sinister like taunt my ambitions.
I feel I am choking.
I wish I could stop thinking.
But my thoughts don’t seem to take a break.
Even though they are nonsense, I am swayed.
Moods are such a pain, are they not?
They seem to win always, no matter how hard you fought.
I await the time when I can recuperate,
I wonder how and when I will rejuvenate.
Tears seep out, fears cry out,
I yearn for peace or the ability to fade out
- Written on August 26, 2007
- Sitting in front of the comp at 12:30 a.m.
- Pretty self-explanatory. I don’t why I am so filled with fear all of a sudden. But I often go through these phases. I also feel angry most times if I have energy to spare. Right now I do not.
- Hope the mood shifts soon.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Remembering Patti
I remember
The times you took me to dance class at 9:30
The times you made me by heart till 30 times 30
The times you beat me at skipping and badminton and TT
The times you pushed me to relish whatever I was to eat
The times you served me my favorite savories with tea
The times you made keeraimashiayal or some other less liked curry
The times you told stories of people I may, unfortunately, never know
The times you pinched me, for reasons I always felt were hollow
The times you ordered me to follow customs and traditions
The times you graciously bowed before my superior arguments
The times you humbled me with your thirst for knowledge
The times you awed me with your unstinting courage
The times you horrified me with your penchant for hard work and your dedication
The times you terrorized me with your demands for perfection
The times you exercised even if you retired late at night
The times you never shut me up if it was only your brains I fried
The times you would listen to, and abide by, what I had to say
The times you would do the contrary and then expect me to obey!
The times you allowed me my freedom of expression
The times when you hurt me with your criticism
The times of working and the fun and games
The times of scolding and (mostly faint) praise.
I remember
All the times of mutual exasperation
All the times of mutual affection
I remember and I write this rhyme
As I realize that you are lost to me in real time.
But you live on Patti
In my memory.
I know my memories of you are different
From those of your other grandchildren.
I am proud that I knew you separately, uniquely.
I hope I live up to the good qualities you inspired in me.
I wish you peace and happiness in your new journey.
I want you to know that your memory will be cherished by so many.
- Written on 23 August 2007
- My grandmother expired yesterday.
- It came to me in the middle of the night as thoughts, memories flashed past my closed eyes.
- I do not regret that she died. I know she would have wished it herself. I am glad her eyes could be donated. I am sure she would have haunted us if not. She had a strong social conscience that were at times not in step with the times we inhabited.
- There were so many times I have fought with her, hated her even. But so many other times when I have admired her. Her dedication to causes, even if I considered them lost, was admirable. Her unquenchable thirst for knowledge and her rather intimidating enthusiasm for hard work are qualities that I have always admired even if the latter is something I do not even wish to emulate. :)
- For Patti
I wish you, Patti, a new journey
That, too, allows you your cherished dignity
I wish you people who might obey
And follow what you ardently feel is the right way.
But hold your glee, for there might be
Some who remind you of me.
The times you took me to dance class at 9:30
The times you made me by heart till 30 times 30
The times you beat me at skipping and badminton and TT
The times you pushed me to relish whatever I was to eat
The times you served me my favorite savories with tea
The times you made keeraimashiayal or some other less liked curry
The times you told stories of people I may, unfortunately, never know
The times you pinched me, for reasons I always felt were hollow
The times you ordered me to follow customs and traditions
The times you graciously bowed before my superior arguments
The times you humbled me with your thirst for knowledge
The times you awed me with your unstinting courage
The times you horrified me with your penchant for hard work and your dedication
The times you terrorized me with your demands for perfection
The times you exercised even if you retired late at night
The times you never shut me up if it was only your brains I fried
The times you would listen to, and abide by, what I had to say
The times you would do the contrary and then expect me to obey!
The times you allowed me my freedom of expression
The times when you hurt me with your criticism
The times of working and the fun and games
The times of scolding and (mostly faint) praise.
I remember
All the times of mutual exasperation
All the times of mutual affection
I remember and I write this rhyme
As I realize that you are lost to me in real time.
But you live on Patti
In my memory.
I know my memories of you are different
From those of your other grandchildren.
I am proud that I knew you separately, uniquely.
I hope I live up to the good qualities you inspired in me.
I wish you peace and happiness in your new journey.
I want you to know that your memory will be cherished by so many.
- Written on 23 August 2007
- My grandmother expired yesterday.
- It came to me in the middle of the night as thoughts, memories flashed past my closed eyes.
- I do not regret that she died. I know she would have wished it herself. I am glad her eyes could be donated. I am sure she would have haunted us if not. She had a strong social conscience that were at times not in step with the times we inhabited.
- There were so many times I have fought with her, hated her even. But so many other times when I have admired her. Her dedication to causes, even if I considered them lost, was admirable. Her unquenchable thirst for knowledge and her rather intimidating enthusiasm for hard work are qualities that I have always admired even if the latter is something I do not even wish to emulate. :)
- For Patti
I wish you, Patti, a new journey
That, too, allows you your cherished dignity
I wish you people who might obey
And follow what you ardently feel is the right way.
But hold your glee, for there might be
Some who remind you of me.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
On Pallavi
I spoke, today, with a little girl of eight,
So verbose, so affectionate.
Why the Harry Potter book and not the movie,
Why dance lessons while enjoyable are tiring.
Why music classes are so much fun,
With games of Hide-and-Seek and Magician.
Knows no strangers, this child who reasons.
I am yet to meet a child more winsome.
Rightly so, she has a long list of friends
Their varied interests make her more exuberant.
Reading she loves and her vast collection gives her pride
Her mother’s accusation of glancing through pages, she loudly decries.
Without hesitation she bursts into a song requested,
Ingenuously, she guides you along the path she’s charted.
By a mere child, I am humbled again,
Strangely grand are God’s ways.
- Written on August 15, 2007
- A conversation with Pallavi, a cousin’s child, led me to articulate what I have oft thought when meeting kids. God/Life/ some superior power/ energy force makes us realize that we have lost more than we have gained in terms of innocence and faith, hope and mercy, as we traverse through life in the guise of the more evolved version of humans – an adult.
- I wondered how I would speak with her, what could I talk about. She left my concerns in the dust. The girl held my hand and gently led me along. The sighted leading the blind. And a better guide I couldn’t have asked for.
- I am constantly surprised by children’s rationale. And know what? They often make more sense than the adults around them. She is a darling child, this one. But hey, that is what kids are most times, right? I hope adulthood never befalls them – or if it does then only in the best of spirits.
- Thank you all kids in my life, (since Karthik, before that I was a kid myself). Thank you for constantly educating me.
So verbose, so affectionate.
Why the Harry Potter book and not the movie,
Why dance lessons while enjoyable are tiring.
Why music classes are so much fun,
With games of Hide-and-Seek and Magician.
Knows no strangers, this child who reasons.
I am yet to meet a child more winsome.
Rightly so, she has a long list of friends
Their varied interests make her more exuberant.
Reading she loves and her vast collection gives her pride
Her mother’s accusation of glancing through pages, she loudly decries.
Without hesitation she bursts into a song requested,
Ingenuously, she guides you along the path she’s charted.
By a mere child, I am humbled again,
Strangely grand are God’s ways.
- Written on August 15, 2007
- A conversation with Pallavi, a cousin’s child, led me to articulate what I have oft thought when meeting kids. God/Life/ some superior power/ energy force makes us realize that we have lost more than we have gained in terms of innocence and faith, hope and mercy, as we traverse through life in the guise of the more evolved version of humans – an adult.
- I wondered how I would speak with her, what could I talk about. She left my concerns in the dust. The girl held my hand and gently led me along. The sighted leading the blind. And a better guide I couldn’t have asked for.
- I am constantly surprised by children’s rationale. And know what? They often make more sense than the adults around them. She is a darling child, this one. But hey, that is what kids are most times, right? I hope adulthood never befalls them – or if it does then only in the best of spirits.
- Thank you all kids in my life, (since Karthik, before that I was a kid myself). Thank you for constantly educating me.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Incessant Rain
The rains are lashing everything in their way
We haven’t seen the sun for days.
Water is refreshing, I cannot deny
But moderation is surely required?
How can the earth absorb such a drenching,
As the heavens pour constantly?
Usually a pleasant sight, the trees swaying,
Today, brings with it dread of their falling.
The water levels rising should not concern
Those cocooned safely in their home.
But even here, the rains get flak,
Clothes do not dry, walls turn green and black.
Every surface is coated with such grime
That even wet wipes cannot make them shine.
Cleaning takes ever so long and seems so pointless
Everything is so dull, so lifeless.
Will it ever stop this incessant rain?
All it brings now is fear of suffering, of pain.
- Written on 5 August 2007
- It has been raining constantly for more than a week. I cannot go to Kalina library for fear of getting stuck in the lower lying area. And I have the usual rain wrought maladies. Need I say more?
We haven’t seen the sun for days.
Water is refreshing, I cannot deny
But moderation is surely required?
How can the earth absorb such a drenching,
As the heavens pour constantly?
Usually a pleasant sight, the trees swaying,
Today, brings with it dread of their falling.
The water levels rising should not concern
Those cocooned safely in their home.
But even here, the rains get flak,
Clothes do not dry, walls turn green and black.
Every surface is coated with such grime
That even wet wipes cannot make them shine.
Cleaning takes ever so long and seems so pointless
Everything is so dull, so lifeless.
Will it ever stop this incessant rain?
All it brings now is fear of suffering, of pain.
- Written on 5 August 2007
- It has been raining constantly for more than a week. I cannot go to Kalina library for fear of getting stuck in the lower lying area. And I have the usual rain wrought maladies. Need I say more?
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