Conversations in a Cab Ride :)

अच्छे तो बहुत लोग लगते हैं, इसका यह मतलब थोड़ी निकला कि जाके सबसे शादी कर लो।

(One may like many people, but it does not mean one gets married to them all). 

On my way home, stuck in quite a bit of traffic, after a haranguing time in a mini accident (no fault of my Uber driver), I heard this piece of wisdom dropped in the midst of my Uber driver, Azad, recounting his life story including a marriage he was emotionally blackmailed into by his parents when he was just 17 and his wife 16. The fact that this 8th school drop out is proud of his brothers having been able to continue with their studies, one to become an ethical hacker with a Computer Applications degree and another a pharmacist, proud that his wife is 12th pass, and was able to articulate the need for improved Govt schools in his home town area and link the education to quality of life, to self respect, to self evolution and to the job market showed how much he valued education even as he saw no way to get back into the game in the near future. The fact that he could respect his wife and admit that he would not have been the person she had chosen were she to have her opinion asked just as he would not have chosen her though she is a very nice person touched me.

As I told him at the end of the ride, his story is not a happy ending story and he laughed and agreed that it also was not a sad ending story and stated perhaps it is the average middle of the road story, I thought to myself about the many ways we talk of education that do not really take into account these realities of life.

He spoke of reservation in India, of govt schooling systems, of how the fall of the Babri Masjid intimately affected his family and how they had to move away from his hometown to protect themselves with the anti-Muslim sentiment prevalent in their area then, of how health care is not as effective still and so on.

Important topics all. A personalised yet nuanced understanding of the contexts he was speaking about, an ability to counter my arguments with his own examples without putting me down - all struck me, but the lines he said at the fag end of the ride somehow are the ones that resonated with me. Those and his intention to never force his little girl to ever go through a marriage that she had not wholeheartedly desired.

"सही marriage, madamji, वही होता है जहाँ आपस में समझ हो - husband अपनी Mrs ko समझे और wife अपने husband को। तभी सही बुरे वक्त में शादी टिकती है, वरना दो लोग जिंदगी में साथ चलते हैं, साथ रहते हैं पर वो शादी शादी नहीं होती"

(A true marriage is one in which there is mutual understanding - a husband understands his wife and she her husband. That is when the marriage stands the test of hard times, otherwise two people are just walking, living together, but it is not a marriage.) 

I really liked how he described schooling and what he thought of schools and language mediums and the reasons for poor literacy rate among Muslims in India. I did not agree with all his points, but that does not make his views invalid. Actually they become more interesting. Will need to research a bit more though on some of the points he raised. Maybe another post. 

 #cabrides #lifelessonsinconversations :)

- Written on 31 May 2019.

- Posted on  Facebook. 

- Self Explanatory.