Resist, Exist

Throbbing, debilitating, relentless, 

Rendering one almost senseless. 

Over time one learns to move, 

To smile, to work, to slip into a groove. 

One tires, but pushes, what else to do, 

To retire from life or to trudge - these the only choices two. 

One seeks solace in fruitless hope, 

Somewhere, somehow one will find the dope, 

To cure the ailment, to cease the pain, 

Perhaps then one can truly live again. 

Then one day the pain eases, 

One should be pleased one supposes, 

But no! A habit, even a bad one, comforts, 

The lack of it actually disconcerts. 

What, how, should one do anything now? 

For so long the ache made one bow, 

Walking with a lesser burden even more deadens,

Why is it that is when one is near the destination? 

It tempts to let go of all there is, 

It tempts to cease to resist, to exist.

- Written on 27 February 2017.

- Because I am stupid and in a bad mood, perhaps. Though I often wonder why pain is missed so when it seems to wane, is it because after so long one knows not how else to be, or is it that the tiredness finally takes over when all that resistance that gave one energy is no longer as needed? 

I dunno. I do know that I sometimes am the weakest when recovering, not suffering. Why? Coz. So? 

The Kochi 2017 Trip

Plotting, prodding, for 02 whole years, 

Planning, failing, replanning visits, 

The Kochi-Muzaris Biennale Art Fest beckons for sure, 

But also the chance to connect with another family treasure, 

Finally,  finally, the rebooked tickets are stamped, 

Finally, finally, in my holiday destination I land. 

- Written on 18 February 2017.

[25/02 7:51 am] Anusha Ramanathan: 

The planning for over 2 years sporadically shared, 

The ever eager partner in you had me even more snared. 

The flight delayed as I wait eagerly, 

To finally begin vacationing in Kochi.

I finally land to be greeted so warmly, 

Your family circle including me so easily. 

The Sunday with all the travel snippets, 

The Jew Synagogue, shopping, browsing, the beach, the Chinese nets... 

The picture sessions, the lunch with a view, 

The Church, David Hall, Students' Corner, the drive too.

Then Monday, us girls' day out largely, 

The Second Wife meal, the amazing company.

The ferry ride on Kerala waters at last, 

The walk through the park,

The awe of Basilica still resounds, 

Each moment with joy abounds.

Then lazy Tuesday with a visit to the doc, 

That V... paid for!!!! 

Kerala Folklore Musuem experience I culled, 

The Sacred Heart tour and an ex-student's company minor inconveniences lulled.

Wednesday was again a day for lazing about, 

As Amma says, I used your home as a resort!

Thursday, most Biennale haunts completed, 

A lazy evening, catching up, was exactly what I needed. 

Then Friday, the last day, that you all made awesome, 

From morning tea to the pizza party, each moment was with fun fulsome.

The kids have been such exuberant fun,

Their foibles negligible, they are human! 

Even with the long visit some things we skipped, 

Reading your chapters, for instance, I missed. 🤔🙈

I also cannot possibly capture, 

The amazing moments of sharing, of many a conversation bender. 

The care, the patience you each showed me, 🤗

Makes me want to repeat this trip already! 

I hope I can soon return this hospitality, 

Though I know I can't measure up to Your Excellency!

Thank you ALL. Each of you made my trip special.

[25/02 7:56 am] Anusha Ramanathan: 

I missed writing about so many cherished memories,

But each adds to my riches' repository, 

It all boils down to finally, 

The stupedofantasticallymagical company.

- Written on 25 February 2017.

- It was a holiday. I have this wonderful cousin who has this super family and it was an awesome holiday all in all even with all the doc visits I had to undertake being me.  :) 

Responses on WhatsApp - to Poems of a student

Response 01 on WhatsApp 

[15/11/2016 10:09 pm] Anusha Ramanathan: 

A thought is air 

Enclosed in mustiness it would despair, 

Left free to roam, it would wonderfully fare. 

It might become polluted, but its essence retain, 

It might be wrong,  but it could retrain, 

Protection, limitation, it would disdain.  

A thought released is boundless

Once shared it becomes creatorless, 

It then finds its true purpose.

Response 02 on WhatsApp 

[15/11/2016 10:25 pm] Anusha Ramanathan: 

The power of thought is that it so sparkles, 

That it lights a million more miracles, 

It breaks through plastic,  escapes barriers

It expresses itself and renews all of us.

Response 03 on WhatsApp:

[12/02/2017 07:39 pm] Anusha Ramanathan:

To be missed this much, 

By one such

Is when unicorns rule the throw of dice, 

Is when darkness is dispelled by sunrise, 

Is not Heaven nor Hell, 

Is where Love does dwell,

Happiness is swell, 

Peace all else does quell.

- Written on dates afore mentioned. 

- I have this supertalented student who inspires me a lot. And intimidates me like hell as well :P 

My Comfort,, My Bed

Comfort:

A holiday from all effort. 

The bed, my solace:

A place to just laze. 

Reading, writing, doing nothing:

Thinking, dreaming, on whimsy ideas floating.

Deep breathing, out of the window gazing, 

Finding even the BMC election rhetoric amusing.

Hours and hours of not talking, 

Not engaging, just being, just existing. 

There is so much to do,  so true, 

But even that guilt vanishes as if by some charm of voodoo. 

Acquainting with self all over again, 

Dreams,  desires,  goals, reinventing the whole damn train.

- Written on 13 February 2017.

- Self-explanatory. I have realised holidays do this to me. :) 

If I could just....

If I could just under the covers hide, 

If I could just let all my ambitions, dreams, slide, 

If I could just let the days move in and out, 

If I could just let others's expectations rout, 

If I could just stop feeling, 

If I could nothing be craving, 

If I could just lie retreating, 

If I could just in my own world be living,

If I could slowly cease thinking, cease existing.

- Written on 11 Feb 2017

- Self-explanatory.