Happy Birthday, Amma! 2024

2022, we lost you

2024, we miss you

Years pass, the loss stings less

But suddenly one remembers and it is not painless

As I tried remembering who gifted me

A dress, a chain, an art piece

I turned to ask you, as I usually would

But you were not there and it hurt good

The memory of the gifting I had forgotten I realized,

Coz I had not enough times with you the incident revised

Our late night talks, the reminisce of gratitude

Our random tête-à-têtes that contextualised actions and attitudes.

All the learnings and wisdom and processing that I miss now

The way your words just made me see light somehow. 

The tiredness of the loneliness of the soul

Even though friends will gladly me cajole or console, 

It is not same. It is not you, Amma. 

It is not the reprimand mixed with love and laughs.

Happy Birthday! Have fun wherever you be

And don't worry, I don't need your slap. I will stop being gloomy 😜

- Written on 16 September 2024. 
- Self-explanatory. But it does feel that I am wishing her more post her death than I made an event of it all the years she was alive. We were never the birthday celebrating family :D. She would actually hate all this sentimentality and have given me a good talking to at the very least. Bah! Humbug! Much ado about nothing! :)

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi, 2024!

 Ganesha, we welcome you again, 

In our hearts and homes you reign. 

Can you but stay longer, 

Such that you change our practices forever? 

We need you, but more in our brains, 

So we can understand what are true gains. 

To waste not, want not more than we need, 

To succumb not to selfishness and greed.

To protect the vulnerable and the weak, 

To treat equally all that breathe. 

To ensure that truth prevails,

That the environment, we will not fail.

Ganesha, you prove 

That a large body need but a mouse to move. 

Then why do we hoard so? 

Why can't we see beyond the glitter glow?

You are here today, and on 17 Sep we will you immerse, 

And ask that you return soon to bless us from these waters.

But could you just ensure before you go

That we will act, we will tread the right path that we know?

Could you ensure that we know what is right?

And ensure for that we have the courage and skills to fight?

Ganesha, Mangal Murti, who needs no such form, 

Ganesha, Sarvatman, Siddhipriya, help us reform.

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi, 2024!

- Written on 7 Sep 2024.

- Vinayaka Chathurthi was on Sat, 7 Sep and Anant Chathurthi is on 17 Sep this year.

Link to FB post (also on IG)

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/eQcvdatCxDR3A4Xk/?mibextid=oFDknk

Happy Teacher's Day, 2024

Teacher's Day dawns again

'Educate. Liberate.' - the refrain.

Now when the educated are shackled

When voices raised are to silence heckled

When daring is replaced by fears

When imagination only lands one in tears

When to question is decried as a crime

When to even think differently goes against the prevailing clime. 

Now when the world needs saving from human greed

When wants are confused with need

When wars ravage for no known cause

When calamities are ignored with humanity on pause.

Now, is when we need education more than ever

An inspirer, a motivator, a dreamer, a doer, 

An activist, a thinker, a fearless leader:

A TEACHER. 

Happy Teacher's Day! 

Catalyse education and liberation each and every day :)

 

- Written and drawn on 5 Sep 2024.

- Self-explanatory.

Link to post on Facebook (also on IG) -

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/ZNd1eNPm2g3TLJKN/?mibextid=oFDknk 

At what point?

At what point do we say enough is enough?
At what point need we finally act tough?
Does compromise lead to more compromise?
Do relationships and contexts improve because one sacrificed?
A matter of a few thousands or a couple of days
Or a matter of dignity, of respect, of better, rightful ways?
A matter of rights alone or also justice
A matter of individuals or a whole practice?
Should we compromise when we need not?
When we choose the lesser evil, it still is evil, is it not?
When standing up might mean lessons learned for the future?
If nothing else, that we stood true to our souls could reassure?
Should we really swallow our basic pride?
Can we really build futures when principles are cast aside?

-Written on 01 August 2024.

- See Media Coverage of Higher Education around this time.

ISEL Team Kudos! ELS 2024

An online conference does not feel so rewarding
To the organisers who oft only hear us complaining
They cannot see the smiles on our faces as we engage with ideas exemplary/
The "waah" moment or the spontaneous claps we give unwittingly.
We type, but not as often and not as quickly
And the texts do not always relay our appreciation and sincerity
But thank you for enabling these amazing events year on year
To the ISEL Team kudos and cheers!

In addition to the great choice of sessions and the extremely helpful team at all times, I think the excellent tech support and the overall team spirit that was seen as your team also supported each other as much as us and the WONDERFUL TIME MANAGEMENT and the COMMUNICATION across so many channels with timely reminders was so wonderful and really a learning experience in itself.
____

- Written on 27 July 2024

- Self-Explanatory. Last day of ISEL English Literature Summit 2024.

RESET Mode - Out of Service :(

Swallowing is a pain, seemingly impossible

Even breathing feels difficult, the passage of air untenable

Yet, somehow through the aches and fever

One continues mindlessly to persevere

But for what purpose, why, 

It takes resetting out of automode, to dedication belie

To ponder what will happen if one truly rests

Is one afraid that switching off will mean never recovering the work zest?

Isn't that a good thing though?

Reset, refocus, reevaluate, refine, remake yourself?

- Written on 26 July 2024. 
- Tonsilitis :( 

Thoughts on Change and Our Own (In)Action

We say the institute has lost its glory

We say it is in a plight so sorry

Yet we speak and do nothing much

We share ideas and look to others

To do the right thing

We have just too much on our plate going

There is worry and fear of persecution and more

Of opportunities in future lost, if for now we create a furore

And so we choose, to speak, but not do

To lament galore, but not dare choose

To unite, to fight, to last out this grim twilight

We are human, we can be selfish or simply cower in fright

We are educators, a beacon of hope,

But there are times when we too need support

If we want change, we might need way more courage

With our own and others lives, futures and hopes to play. 

If we have chosen to sit out, we need make our peace.

And if we have given it our best, we can rest easy. 

Can we stand now together, we have yet to see

Will we or this institute make it, dunno, whatever it be, it won't be easy.

- Written on 14 July 2024
- Look up news around this :| 

The Cocoon of Hypocrisy

I have thoughts

That go against the grain sometimes

I have feelings

That may seem crazy sometimes

I used to scream them out loud

When did I stop? When did I last myself out?

I cared not when people disagreed

But now I tread more carefully

My actions and words affect more than me

And isn't my muzzling myself a mockery

Of all my learning and preaching

When I speak so carefully

That my authentic self is lost in misery

Of silence, of hypocrisy

But cocoons we weave around ourselves

For in this world we know not who, when, why will target ours and us.

- Written on 11 July 2024
- Random Thoughts

Incomplete Thoughts Penned :)

With a passion to write

A pen worthy of being the scribe

The tool aiding thoughts

So fleeting that are often lost

Now penned fluently like a river in flow

Nary an obstacle that delivers a blow

Such is the power of writing

It aids one's thinking

Once one starts, it is difficult to stop

Thoughts, emotions all on paper burst out

Beautiful, not always complete

Yet one sighs, walks away feeling replete.

- Written on 6 June 2024.
- I think I got a new pen that day and wrote on the scrap I had next to me :) 

Voting - Ordinary?

Tomorrow is election

In my district we need make our selection

As I check our papers to vote

I can't help but note

How this privilege was bestowed on me

That I could have this duty.

I visited Alipore Jail Musuem this January 2024

I came away shook, I did blink away tears galore

There is a display of letters there

That showcase patriotism, love, youth, deep thoughts and care

A display of ordinary people capturing ordinary moments

Yet they were in jail for a cause, suffering beyond our imagination

The audio of a British soldier whipping a prison inmate

The casualness of a barber shaving just a bit away

But more those figurines in the prison

The letters gallery haunts me now even.

The letters in Bengali or Hindi, translated into English

Can't wholly convey the pride nor the anguish

Of the writer nor the reader

But they touch 😭, they torch, they inspire, they are a reminder

Ordinary people, ordinary moments, doing one's duty

A kind word, a kind deed

Will live on in someone's memory

Sparking more revolutions for freedom and peace.

- Written on 19 May 2024. 
- Self-Explanatory

See IG post related to this from me. :) 

Choices: Staying Safe or Voice Out Loud

I used to have a voice that I allowed to resonate

My thoughts, my feelings, as they appeared or were made

But slowly over the years past 

It is in caution that I bask

So much so that I even share and like

With so much more self-saving discernment than is right

If in a cocoon one stays, then what use education 

If one oppresses one's passion and opinions, then what use education? 

Am I afraid someone will pay the price for what I say

But if we never do, then isn't that a danger more grave? 

Staying safe, voicing in small circles will not a change create

Step out, speak up, speak loud, unafraid.

- Written on 5 May 2024
- I seem to feeling more and more stifled these days and mostly the one doing the stifling and censorship is me!! Need to be brave and shout out. :) 

Gone for 2 Years

Gone for 2 years now, 

Yet I speak of you, to you almost everyday somehow.

Your presence even in absence is immense

The legacy of values and attitudes you instilled is your essence.

K and I reminisce at times, 

Your razor sharp wit and the impact of illhealth and time.

Just last week we spoke of how you let us bunk school

To laze in on a morning, to eat pani puri of your making, to just chill, since you were so cool.

And yet, you ensured we learnt, the essence of lessons,

For you wanted most for us health and education

Not those that come as degrees, 

But that are rooted in sense and sensibilities

Perhaps we don't live up to it as much. 

- Written on 20 April 2024.
- Self-Explanatory 

Jane Austen's Mansfield Park - Some Initial Thoughts for a Book Chapter

In this day and age the morality bespoke

In the novel is neither some nor whole 😁😜

The ideas seem frivolous, 

The characters worthless, 

The adultery, the clergy, 

The exaggerated bucolic pastorality, 

All seem to echo 

Mansfield Park is not even worth as retro. 

Yet, something beckons, even if for just the lines

That belie age and space confines

'Selfishness must always be forgiven, you know, 

For there is no hope of a cure'

More such gems in the novel lie

Reading and counter reading into Mansfield Park one can still pry :) 

If you want the more staidly constructed argument then here goes

This article focuses on reading both the lines and the liminal spaces between the lines of Jane Austen's Mansfield Park using the lens of New Historicism primarily in a neoliberal world to examine the value ascribed to people and things in the novel and the values characters hold or develop in the course of the narrative.

"We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be” are lines from Mansfield Park, but is the inner guide devoid of external influences such as exposure even as Austen at times interchanges the aesthetic with the moral. To what extent and in what form do insights from Mansfield Park relate to norms, mores and aims of contemporary times will be dealt with in the article.

The Hole

Always, always sliding into the hole makes me wonder
Why am I here? Why do I bother?
What will be, will be
One is living reasonably well, so why bring on agony?

Yet as I grow older,
Become oddly both more fearful and bolder,
I chase the unknown to know better
Find the dark spots, study them to see if they matter.

As I am slid out, invariably my eyes have to blink harder
To cope with the light that does NOT the fears asunder
In the cocoon it was easier to escape,
Now there are folks to pretend to - everything is OK.

In these times, work comes to the rescue
The opportunity to focus on small, petty issues
Not that report that needs tweaking or the paper that needs writing or the thesis that needs reviewing or the assignment that needs grading,
No, just the admin that otherwise is frustrating, the messages, mostly banal, that tempt reading or the IG reels that facilitate mindless viewing.

Fear, one knows not how it surfaces
Even as one is cheerful, it rears to knock you in your face.
Pretence gets you far enough, but then your energy drains,
Then you read your friend's messages and once more you are sane. /you regain.

- Written on 5 April 2024.

- I think I am channeling too many doc visits and scans. 

Shut out the World

I want to shut out the world
Every voice, every colour everything makes my mind whirl
In the cesspool of pain, doubts and anxieties
Nameless, baseless, though they be, still they suck away one's energies.
So, I want to sleep, or at least try to
Curled in my corner, under a blanket, a safe space retreat to
I can do nothing, move not, think not,
Yet I worry, I try for what I know not.

- Written on 26 February 2024.

- This year has been exhausting somehow. 

To My Suitcase

You deserve a post all your own

My companion on so many journeys unknown

Grey, fading into the background

Faithful, easy to pull around

Lightweight, carrying a punch and more

Easy going through the seasons of rain, sun and snow.

You gave up on this Mizoram-Kolkata-Raipur-Mumbai trip

Goodbye, my suitcase, Thank you for your service,

You will be missed, for sure, yes. 

But for now, take a well deserved rest.

- Written on 1 Feb 2024.

- Self-explanatory, but after being with me since 2016 on numerous trips, the last fling (literally and metaphorically) of the airlines on a trip from Mumbai-Aizawl, suitcase that I use as check-in or cabin as suits, broke. It still lasted me on the journey from Aizawl to Kolkata, from Kolkata to Raipur and Raipur to back home.

FB Post Link: https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid02czJbVTDof9WpVXn5jYh6NbdesraHBp6CWmFZWbtz6fQbXySiuu93biN8tjKgRUL5l&id=692626229&mibextid=2JQ9oc

IG: https://www.instagram.com/p/C20Ai9tJ_bB/?igsh=MWN3bHowbHFvcG9xYw== 

Reality Mirrored

Mirrors: We see ourselves, yet not
In these things that reflect light
Be it the still lake or a clear cloud or glass
We find ourselves judging our present and our past.
Yet mirrors can distort reality too
The car's rear view mirror draws objects further from you
So dangerous if we know not this perspective
It can lead to a death edict
Snow White's stepmother may have been told the truth
But mostly in mirrors we see what we want to
The most 'beautiful' person can spot a blemish or two
The 'ugly' could look beautiful too.
'Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder' 
So today even more I ponder
What does the mirror tell us
As a holiday is given for a temple constructed
Its base the ruins of a mosque
Of a line cast that had the country torn apart
In the name of God who urged peace and sacrifice
In the name of a God to whom not all ascribed
But today, God is created by us more than we by him
Hymns we sing are stories we weave to please our whims.

22 Jan holds more terror more for me than the Babri Masjid fall
With no protests, no riots, no fiery street debate wars
Then, we had fiery editorials, and more people openly appalled
That the Constitution was repelled, that divisions we spawned
Today, we keep silent wondering if to post at all
Fearing repercussions beyond hate posts or calls.
I remember us peperring our school walls against the demolition
Today, I think twice about a Facebook post expressing abhorment
I have abrogated my rights for so called safety
Economics and politics and so-called institutional duty
What the mirror tells me today, I like not
A spineless creature supposedly distraught by life fraught.

- Written on 22 Jan 2024.

- 22 Jan declared a holiday in many states and at the Central Govt level as a half day for 'Pran Pratishtan' at Ayodhya for the Ram Mandir. 

I can feel my pran slowly fading as I voice less and less of my angst and retract myself into my shell.

And yes, I know someone will take my case for wanting riots, but it is not the violence, but the of freedom of expression that I yearn for and its loss that I lament. 

There are times when I regret joining TISS full time.

Today is one of them.

I would have in the past posted my thoughts for my thoughts would not have been equated with 'my institution' and 'my institute' would not have to bear the brunt for opinions it did not endorse. At worst, I would have been disowned as 'visiting' or 'contractual' and I would have put in my papers and walked my path. 

But now I hold back. I am thinking admissions, UGC withholding pay, TISSians targetted. Somehow, my opinion being a feeder for more hate-mongering. 

And I am not able to bring myself to do anything else as somehow, viscerally, I feel incapacitated.

I am consuming more and more and more of those who are expressing some concern, some dissent and feeling more helpless, more worthless.

As I head to Mizoram, am going to retreat into my shell. Hopefully, the mountains will revive my faith in the larger play of things and in humanity and secularism and such.

For now I share this here when I would have felt better sharing on a more public platform. I feel like Alice but in Orwellian dystopia. 

https://anuthik.blogspot.com/2024/01/reality-mirrored.html

The Temple of Despair - 2024

A temple stands on ruins
Unity in diversity undermined.
A structure built worth crores
Holidays declared worth even more.
Who worships whom and what, one know not,
But these are not the values we were ever taught.
Pride in oneself, one's customs, yes, but never at other's cost.
If we care not for each other, we are the ones lost.
But temples are espoused, politics and religion forged anew,
Truth lies in shards, all contrary opinions subdued.
My country, my pride, my brethren, I cry
Every day I speak dulcetly, while demanding not my own but others' sacrifice.
Understanding they should be, I cry in sympathy,
As if that were enough, these tokenism paltry.
No action, nothing concrete, no placing my neck on the line,
No courting jail or worse, no nothing, but some futile lines written in rhyme.

- Written on 20 Jan 2024

- Ram Mandir in Ayodhya. 22 Jan declared holiday in many states and at Central Govt level half day for 'Pran Pratishtan'. 

My heart bleeds. 

Mansfield Park - Revisiting Jane Austen - 1

Dear M, 

Such a wonderful initiative. 

What I would like to revisit of Jane Austen's works? Everything!!! 

But let us go with Mansfield Park. 

In this day and age the morality bespoke
In the novel is neither some nor whole 😁😜
The ideas seem frivolous, 
The characters worthless, 
The adultery, the clergy, 
The exaggerated bucolic pastorality, 
All seem to echo 
Mansfield Park is not even worth as retro. 
Yet, something beckons, even if for just the lines
That belie age and space confines
'Selfishness must always be forgiven, you know, 
For there is no hope of a cure'
More such gems in the novel lie
Reading and counter reading into Mansfield Park one can still pry :)

- Written on 7 Jan 2024

- Self-Explanatory, but let us see if I keep this up. 

Silences and Reunions

Silences resonate with memories,
Of laughter, gossip, music and savouries,
Most of all of relations rekindled
Friendships strengthened as all mingled.
But memories warm the heart too
The silences make determined to again do
The meet-ups planned and those yet unchartered
May these friendships blossom unhindered.

:)

- Written on 6 Jan 2024.

- Meeting National friends after a long time

Kochi Reunion 2023-24

Family and friends
Blissful reunions
However hot a place may be
But warmth of hearts it cannot beat.

Expensive fares, long trips, filmy scenes,
Lazy lunches, loud gossip, oodles of coffee and tea,
Chinese fishing nets, short walk in crowded alleys,
Long wait at favoured cafe's, but 'Thiruvilla' rescued us on Princess Street.
Day 01 passed making merry
On plans for day 02 and a split on day 03 we agreed.

The Synagogue impressed with its handpainted tiles blue,
The story of migrants and of Palestine and India's perspective, it cast anew.
Then the long wait at Cafe Mocha
Then sightseeing at Crafters' and some shopping for 'whatnots'
Sighting the world's largest Urali
All just the first half's deeds.
Churches - Basilica and Francis inspired
The paintings on ceilings in Basilica were much admired.
The Indo-Portuguese Musuem we looked into,
But the Christmas tree outside and the peacock created more ado.
Then we split again, some for tea,
Three directly to Fort House, Kochi.
Some respite for Lata from the heat
Then bags in cars, most headed for the jetty.
A 6 rupee ride for minutes 20
Taking us through the backwaters beauty.
Then a hotel cheap and awesome,
But more preferring home wholesome 😁
Then buffet dinner too and more talking and laughing
We grouped and regrouped and re-regrouped through the day and evening.

Day 03 some 'tripped' on 'Nostalgia for Nurani'
Others found ecstacy in doing 'nothing'.
Lunches at Palaaram and Kapilavastu and purchases at Thankkam Pickles
Local shopping, temple sightseeing, 7 hours driving, each found their own moment 'blissful'.
Whether 10 seconds solving of a puzzle
Or just lying down in the hotel.

Then the highlight, 'The Birthday'
Of a girl as sweet as can be, whom we made patiently wait.
Not 1 but 2 cakes had she, and then there was the pizza party
But the highlight, the star, was the curd rice and pickles feast
Contentment oozed and no one wanted to ever leave
Antakshari went on till hours wee
Some leg pulling too choreographed by the 'wow' family 😜
Singers galore we have in this family
Bad or good, sporting all but those born on Nov 3 😝😝
But thank you speeches they made brilliantly,
At long last, we parted regretfully
The trip was short, time ran out
We wished it could be longer, but were thankful for how much we got.

We missed those who could not make it,
We planned for more future visits,
Forest trips seem to rule for now
May 2024 give us more such powwows.

Thank you All for making 2023 end and 2024 beginning so wonderful :)

- Written on 3 Jan 2024

- Family Reunion trip across Kochi, Nurani and Coimbatore from 28 Dec 2023 - 3 Jan 2024

Happy New Year - 2024 - Personal post 2

2023 you have been kind to me
Helping me reconnect with many friends and family,
Adding new experiences to my kitty,
Making me traverse the breadth of the country,
Aiding me many projects complete,
Granting me some excellent colleagues.

2023, you have been also tough on me
Health slid back and forth time a many
I felt lost and helpless with tears plenty
Unfinished projects galore,
Some completed, but at levels shallow
Feeling my teaching could have been better
Some dreams carefully woven lie tattered.

But 2023, overall I will miss you
For you made me see afresh important to-dos.
Connect with friends and family,
Travel for work but find pleasure plenty,
Take breaks, as many as you need,
Aim not for perfection, but convert words to deeds.
Goodbyes are hard, but cherish memories
Rejoice, you are blessed and reasonably healthy and happy.
Eat, dance, binge watch, make merry
And sleep, sleep, sleep.

2023, I will carry forward these lessons into 2024
In 2024, I hope I can be better, healthier, connect, improve and do more.

- Written on 1 Jan 2024.

- Self-Explanatory 

Happy New Year - 2024!

What purpose an FDP
This week had me pondering deep
How do we judge calibre and intent
To improve, to learn, to share, to implement?
What motive drives those who come?
Is it just a Mumbai Darshan?
Is TISS, its stature the main attraction?
Is it to compare oneself and find smug satisfaction?
As questions poured in on marriage, position and salary
On permanent contracts and 7th Pay Scale of UGC
Talk of collaborations, mostly meaningless, but would lend clout and credence
Condescendingly of guideship eligibility, or of anything, but the essence
Of what Practitioner Research was about and could do to bring change
How we could take this to classrooms where deep reflections would hold sway,
Of methods, of tools, but more questions on how to
Rather than selfies while writing a line or two.
Is this what we should be doing?
Lectures designed in absentia for these beings?
Straining self and health and friends and resources
To allow more space for such foolishness?
I like walking away from classrooms humbled
A thought-provoking question that had me confused
Such dialogues are what one yearns for
In academia we want ideas more
But this week has not been that kind of success
Maybe I'm kicking up a fuss, but this is what I feel, I confess.

- Idea Orginated 23 Dec 2023. Polished 31 Dec 2023.

- Written for obvious reasons :) 

To Devika 💫

She lost her father when she was merely nine, 

She stated it matter-of-factly, never whined. 

She picked up the threads and smiled again

Her mother and her siblings gave her love and courage.

In college then she lost her mother too,

Desolate she was, but her siblings made sure she was not too shook.

Then marriage

A new, hopeful, golden age. 

China beckoned, 

Snow fights lovingly commenced.

A baby daughter, an answer to prayers

Arrived to spread sunshine and cheer.

Love was abundant, 

Cribbings were about the inconsequential. 

Then struck cancer to destroy a family

But again she fought back so very bravely. 

She had her loved ones around her always

To cherish her, to cajole her, to be her reserve brigade.

She won battles, seemed to have won the war,

But cancer was not done by far,

It struck again and again, 

All she did seemed in vain. 

Triple whammy and she finally lost

The battle and the war, seemingly a lost cause. 

But what she has done over the years, 

Smiling away through the fears and tears. 

Inspirational - her family and she as a unit, 

With their love and their grit. 

Her family is strong, they have long borne, 

The threat of her being gone was long known.

But even the strong sometimes feel to nothing faded.

So thoughts and prayers are always needed, 

Loss is loss no matter what, 

'You will be missed, Devika'.

PS. Well that is not her name per se now, but that is the name I knew her by the best. 

- Written on 16 Nov 2023 when I got the news that she had moved on to a better place. 

- Revised and posted on Facebook on 18 Nov 2023 because I felt I needed to, even if I do not tag her or mutual friends, I needed to let the world know we have a great soul gone away from us. 

The following image and an excerpt from her mail in 2007 is how I would best like to remember Devika (Sheetal Mulchandani). 

this is at hangzou zoo.....oops i was shit scared........heeeeeee but enjoyed the moment too.

chill devika

Related info (says a lot about her family's grit) 

 

 

Sleep: Recovery Mode

Sleep it overwhelms you even as you plan
How to do the myriad things that in the planner you scan.
The eyes close, the mind shuts down,
A pill for pain that you have ignored for long.
The noise around you, the overbright light, the food you need eat,
All ignored, forgotten, in this quest your body and mind journey.
Phone bells buzz, notifications run amok, but nothing registers
You might for all purposes be to the world dead.
Unplugged, you steadily recharge,
Though the pain stays, you can now with renewed vigor your own path chart.
Sleep, the ultimate pill for recovery.
Sleep, the best comfort in this journey.
May we never part ways for long
No matter how old I grow, may our bond stay strong.

- Written on 21 October 2023.

- I crashed after a series of long days with a rib injury and a particular long day today due to invigilation. 

Dress Codes and Functions

Dress codes for temples I care not about
Do Gods decide on blessings on what I wear or not?
Saree is good, not the salwar
Sure, and home is good, not blaring shlokas.
Yes the rhythms are good, the intentions too,
But focusing on the outside is the opposite of what is preached as right and good.
Rituals are wonderful for those who want to follow them or merely observe,
But for those forced they are just more rules that their inner desires cruelly govern.
Yet, again there are kindly ladies,willing to stand in for you
Dressed in elegant sarees, the perform rituals you were meant to.
This is divine, this is pure, a feeling to cherish, a reason to religion endure
The concern, the care, the camaraderie the social gathering brings does one lure.
The words spoken in English since they think I know no Tamil,
The concern that I feel involved and the bearing of so much good will.
It was with mixed feelings that I walked home yesterday
It is with mixed emotions that I reflect on temples and religion, even today.

- Witten on 18 October 2023.

- Appa had given for Chandi Homam in the temple during this Navratri season with the idea of women being workshipped (I was to do the worshipping).

Happy Ganesh Chathurthi 2023

Clear skies, a blue so bright,
In clouds, I see images that delight.
Childhood brought back on a lazy afternoon,
The wind sings through birds and trees dispelling all gloom.

O Vignaharta, today you come reside in homes and pandals,
O Saravsiddhanta, you remind us to follow goodness' cause.
O Varaganapati, may you help us guard,
O Sarvatman, this earth precious to all.

O Siddhipriya, may all be healthy and happy,
O Vidyaridhi, may all have wisdom and peace.

Perhaps all we need is just to look up,
Relive our childhoods, our innocence.
Perhaps all we need do is pause and reflect deep,
Perhaps that is enough for this world to intact keep and us to all good reap.

Happy Ganesh Chathurthi 2023!

- Written on 19 Sep 2023.

- Self-Explanatory 

But I also have another rhyme, written today, feels quite unrefined, but here goes: 

Vinayaka Chathurthi is here again with all its glory,
Folks rediscovering their love for pandals and blazonry,
The sounds absent for 2 years of lockdown
Now back fully despite my groans an frowns.
Yet, this industry has suffered so,
It is good to see people revive the old.
The old ways of decorations,
The idols to represent incarnations.
Yet you know me I can't help but question,
What in this madness will happen to the environment?

Vignaharta, remove all obstacles from saving earth
Sarvapriya, may all have wisdom, peace and mirth.

May You 'Live' Your Dream

This Teacher’s Day was tough as I thought of you,
All the many lessons I never learnt as you meant me to.
All the many times you shouted I would regret,
I wish I could those moments again to live through get.
Yet I know I would not learn,
I am yours, I am stubborn :)

Today, another milestone, your birthdate past,
Know that you have made your mark.
I still have many, many who reminisce
How you would your words never mince 😏😜
How you were always there to support
When times were tough you would stand strong like a fort.
How you had a kind word for many 😳
Amma, how come I don't recall for myself any? 🧐 😂
But your reprimands all we both remember very well,
K today mimicked how you would have at me yelled 🤣
But you have left a legacy however small the circle may seem,
Just wishing you Amma, may you now at least 'live' your dream.

Be at peace. Be at ease.
Be safe, healthy, wherever you be.
Be happy, have whatever you need.
Be loved by all you meet.

-Written on 16 Sep 2023.

- Self-explanatory.

Kochi - Carefree Bliss in April 2023

Days of carefree bliss,
Filled with sunshine's kiss.
Making merry, eating plenty,
Converting folks to having tea on the balcony :)
An oasis of calmness with plants, chairs and a swing
Conversations filled with joy and warmth as the skies turned purple and pink.

A day out with another cousin
Exploring the Biennale, at artsy joints eating
Listening and learning through an interesting online meeting,
Into late late night reminiscing.
Ending with the warmth of a morning breakfast dosa
With mahani and thair and more laughs.

Then came the houseboat, words fall short,
The photo sessions, the music, the conversations, the scenery
Birds afloat or on lines, the lazy drifting on the waters of Allappey.
The afternoon snooze on waters clear, smooth and deep
The quiet joy will remain forever with me.

Then to the beach, oh, what fun,
Naysayers converted to being willingly drenched :)
Icecreams and chips and all the gorging
Ending with cleaning up and another outing!

Then the Biennale through the eyes of a child,
The questions, the observations made the fest come more alive.
Art is to be revisited to discover perspectives galore
Discovering new places and old haunts brought delight to the fore.

Relaxing, doing nothing, not cooking nor cleaning,
On evening or morning walks more talking than strolling,
On the Kochi Metro riding, a Musuem exploring,
A temple, a palace - everything so mind-blowing.

Antakshari and 20 questions and karaoke and conversations many
But most importantly the cocoon of camaraderie,
The soothing feeling of being loved and treasured
For just being you, not being judged or measured.

It has been an amazing week in Kochi,
But the memories and the joy linger lending warmth of times happy.

Thank YOU for being such wonderful hosts
But more for being not just family, but dosts :)

- Written on 24 April 2023.

- Spent an amazing week in Kochi 3-10 April. It is blis to have family as friends. :) 

- 

Rest? Defeated Again

The galaxy's weight on one's shoulders
The chest weighed down by unknown boulders.
Memory plays hide and seek
All one wants to do is retreat.
Into the blankets, into oneself, one's shell,
No talking, no thinking, just breathing and surviving what seems like hell.
The head aches and throbs all thought and feeling away
Pain seems insignificant to describe this senseless array.
Every act of being and doing feels a feat
Yet one knows that one is only heading towards defeat.
'Rest', they say, as if one doesn't want to
But the head reels even lying down
Thoughts creep one out eerily, make in more in helplessness drown.
Even the nails ache, it is a fight everyday
To try to be normal, to on course stay.
'R.E.S.T.', they say again, I wish too,
But then I jerk awake.

- Written on 31 August 2023.

- Was in Pune for a workshop. Just not well. 

Happy Teacher's Day - 2023

A series of rhymes on Teacher' Day: 

Teachers are seekers who find talent
To hone them well to aid this earth challenged
No one is bereft, in each eye they see a shine,
But sometimes they too go awry and cease being fine.
They too need help and counselling and rest and resetting
This Teacher’s Day, let us reach out to heroes all for some caring and sharing.
Unwind, relax, let the day go by,
Relax first, then you can reach for the sky.

_____________________________________
Teachers are

Thoughtful
Energetic
Adaptive
Curious
Humane
Empowering
Resilient

They have to be to help the future generation create a better, greener world that includes everyone equitably.

This Teacher's Day we salute these stalwarts.

Happy Teacher's Day!

_____________________________________

The years are tough, the hours are long
The requirements are such, they weaken the strong
But somewhere, somehow, the grit remains
Every time, somehow, passion still gains
Through duties of election and census surveys,
Through resource crunches and unequal pay scales,
Through outcome testing squeezing teaching
By adapting, evolving, ever striving
To the core stay true
To one's very best give and do
Teachers inspire a generation and more
They are boat taking us to progress' shores.

- Written on 5 Sep 2023. 

- Self Explanatory. 

So tempting and its corollary

So near to tempt,

Not dark, but light intense,

Welcoming, almost healing

As one yearns, it is beckoning. 

One breath less and it will be there

Holding, comforting, leaving you no care.

No more hurting, no more burning,

Close, so close it feels, but it is soon morning. 

And one breathed enough it seems,

Still suffering, death still a relief just in dreams.

Aah! One must go on, smile, breathe,

Hurt or not, plod on, one day, some day, one will be freed.

 

 

Corollary Note

Getting well is sometimes a grim, arduous struggle.

To let go, to be unhappy or passive-regressive is not a gamble.

It lets one dive inside oneself, to get past feeble schemes. 

Breathing is both more and less challenging that it seems.

Not everything is as one in one's mind deems. 

And not everything should ever be as one dreams.

Struggles are not bad altogether,

They let you pause, reflect, your strengths realise and gather,

Your goals refine, your needs redefine,

They make you anew yourself find.

- Written (and drawn) on 20 July 2023.

- Been on a recover health journey for all of July. Damn frustrating.

- What exactly:

Well it began with rains and sinus.
Led to low BP which accompanies intense pain and meds.
Then I got a viral. That added to my misery
Then my lungs, they discovered, did not escape injury. 
So I struggle at times to breathe,
Some times are ok, some do me freak,
But am recovering worry not,
It is a familiar road I travel on.
I will take care and become better, 
It will take months, though, to properly recover.

Lose yet Stand Tall

Karm karo, phal ki iccha mat karo.
Can one really over loss not ever cry, over success not crow?
Jo hua achha hua...jo hoga accha hi hoga
I have heard this times a thousand from my appa.

But while I know, I know full well, this too shall pass
We shall work harder and get other grants,
It is tough to not think what could have been better,
Could I have worked harder, smarter, faster?

Where did I falter?
Why not this grant did we garner?
I did try hard, but was it my best?
So many people worked so hard, did I too much rest?

Even as I think this, the team stands by together
Stating the process and the learnings make us a winner.

The ones on the dais are excellent
Their pitches wonderful and very much welcome.
But we had a story to tell too,
Our need is strong too.

What next I wonder,
Even as I stand stronger, and believe it or not, taller.
Not one accusation of 'not enough'
It is humbling, touching, it chokes me up.

So thank you one and all for this specific year long journey
To have had your support, your talents, your friendship make me very lucky.

Newer paths to our goals beckon
Our time to shine brighter will arrive soon, I reckon.

- Written on 24 February 2023.

- We came third in the HCL Grant for Education and secured 25L instead of coming 1st and securing 5Cr. :(

365

365 days of you being gone,
But you still in our memories everyday live on,
So many a time as I pummel K, I turn
Expecting you egging me on to make him squirm.
Amma's room it still is,
Oh! You would have so loved to resist.
But worry not, we are not melancholy
We remember you with laughter, with glee
No more do we your shouting or beating need to flee.
Old jokes, your quips for even new incidents crop naturally
Your birthmate told me today you are watching over us
Don't Amma, you go live your new 'life' to the fullest.
We are good. We have many moments treasured
We are good, for you made sure we were for you to back us.

365 days of freedom
Hope you are enjoying your journey to the brim.

- Written on 20 April 2023.

- Self-explanatory. 

Happy Women's Day!

Happy Women's Day!

My other annual diatribe/wish/ditty follows :) 

In 2023, we still fight for equality. 

Gender and sex are still conflated constantly. 

Being a woman is celebrated, 

With praises women are validated. 

But the qualities ascribed still smack of patriarchy:

Giving, loving, multi-tasking, filial piety,... 

The list goes on with nowhere a respite

For women to take rest and not achieve a greater height.

So this my wish for this Women's Day

Be contrary as you will: be worldly, be fey. 

Rest, take care, let your soul revel and quench its thirst. 

Family, friends, colleagues - they matter, but let not your own wants burst.

Focusing on oneself is not being selfish,

Relax, kickback and the world will still revolve, promise.

We are not perfect and we need NOT be

Humans are born with frailties.

So to the Tomboy - find a tree, a mountain to climb. 

The Boss - to rip into someone may you reasons find. 

The docile - serve, if that pleases you. 

The rebel - fight, your cause becomes you. 

The soldier - become stronger and better. 

The artist - may creativity and recognition accompany forever.

The homeless - may you find comfort and safety. 

The single - may independence and solitude help you your goals achieve. 

The mother - may you find some quiet and peace. 

The Discovering-self woman - know that we are all with you in this journey. 

Whoever you are, whoever you become, 

Find peace with self for that's the essence of being human. 

Being true to yourself, not putting on a facade, 

Will make everyday a blessing for us all. 

Happy Women's Day, today and everyday!

A Happy Day to Everyone, for no one gender or sex should really walk alone.

- Written on 8 March 2023.

- Self-explanatory. 

Happy New Year! - Aah 2022! Hey 2023!

Happy 2023, everyone!

Warning: Anusha's Annual Purging lies ahead. Scroll down at your own peril.

Aah, 2022! Hey, 2023!

I do not know what I can recap of the year past.

Bidding adieu to 2022 is both easy and hard

I began the year with a melody of sadness

I began the last day with gratitude and gladness

One beginning harkening parting

Another beginning of unstinting support reminding.

The world ushered in so much change too,

It opened up but again threatens to tighten the closure screw.

Much ado about the Indian origin British PM

Less so of the first tribal woman as India's President.

Trophies lifted by women and the disabled,

So much to rejoice, so many a fable.

So many memories and emotions let loose,

So many crowning moments to choose.

Yet the Ukraine war and the aftermath of the Taliban coup

Warn us that there is so much more to do.

The world is still shrouded in ignorance and misery

We are so far away from equal rights and true democracy.

Climate change fiasco looms larger than ever

While peace and education seem nebulous and health care scarier.

But onward we march with the brave,

That persistent efforts make a difference we celebrate.

Successes from seeming failures are carved,

Argentina, in FIFA, showed us how.

2022 is not about one person, one story, one smile,

Nor just about protests and votes or a defiant tribe.

It is about coming to grips with reality biting,

About checks and balances and quiet quitting.

About reassessing priorities,

And ushering in new practices and philosophies.

In other news, the Queens died.

And Trevor Noah from The Daily Show retired.

Federer and Williams bid the tennis courts adieu,

And many are confused about and by EdTech and Byju's.

There is much more, so much more, that I am omitting.

2022 has been for us all mostly harrowing:

Paradoxically, simultaneously, threatening and rewarding.

The year is gone. We are still trying to find our place.

2023 may you give us all wisdom and solace.

Happy 2023, one and all!

*India's Queen of Melodies and England's Queen Elizabeth

- Written and posted on FB and IG on 31 December 2022. - Self-Explanatory.

Describing 2022

On a personal note:

How do I describe 2022? 

Harrowing, reconnecting, saddening, welcoming, 

Limiting, uplifting, conflicting, awakening,

Weakening, bolstering, endlessly pausing, regardless charging. 

Loss of folks personally and professionally, 

Some gone forever, some by distance relatively. 

Yet there are connections new, and old ones renewed. 

I am yet to come to grips with 2022. 

I feel helpless, grateful, determined, confused. 

I began the year on a melody harkening sadness. 

I began the last day with gratitude and gladness. 

Hopefully 2023 can help me process

The lessons 2022 introduced but let me not focus.

- Written on 31 December 2022. 
- Self-Explanatory 

Processing 2022

Processing 2022 is hard

I am glad the year is past.

Two years of being at home

Vistas opened and I was travel-prone.

I missed some moments crucial

While I regret not, it still packed a punch brutal.

Moments of remembering

Memories worth treasuring

Trying to NOT mention 'someone' 

When so much of me is moulded by Mom

Yet, life moves on, as she would be the first to say,

So I will try to recollect other D-Days.

- Written on 24 December 2022. 
- Self-Explanatory as I tried imagining writing a New Year poem. This year, I was not sure, I could. 

Shamadaan 2022

The First Invite (26 November 2022)

Welcome One, Welcome All

We will gather in the Old Conference Hall.

At 9:00 PM sharp on Sunday night

To listen as folks reveal the pen's might. 

The Poetry Reading session 

Is to be inclusive and fun

Languages, forms, no bar on them

All we ask for is imagination and patience.

Your voice, your choice

This Sunday night we rejoice.

Ek shyam shaayari ke naam

Chalo de den iss weekend ko ek khubsurat anjam. 

Let us know if you are interested in reading poetry. 

Please DM Shreyasi for details.

The Second Invite (27 November 2022) 

We will gaze at stars tonight

See Saturn and Jupiter and their moons satellite.

We will also read poetry in darkness

Share away your thoughts deepest.

In English or Hindi or Tamil or Assamese

Your own writing or some poet's piece.

At 9:00 PM sharp, today, we will gather

On CETE's terrace stars and poems we bring together.

Come one, come all,

Art is science and science art :)

A Recap of the Night 

Thoughts and emotions merged

Some budding poets emerged

Some performed for the first time

Some had published many a rhyme. 

Malyalees wrote in English and Hindi

For shuruat toh karna hai kahin and kabhi

We also heard Malwi, Bengali, Marathi and some Urdu and Punjabi. 

And met through some, members of their family. 

Grandmothers speaking of importance of teachers,

Fathers almost belatedly wishing mothers, 

Some recited poems by their friends and professors, 

Yet others gave life to borrowed lines as performers. 

Some poems sang, while some recited songs

Elvis Presley to Kabir to Faiz Ahmed we heard them all. 

Romance was in the air, so was activism

What inspires is that all were made so very welcome. 

Thank you all for an evening/night of poetry

For opening/entering portals of linguistic wizardry.

- Written on 26 and 27 November 2022. 

- Shamadaan was poetry reading and star gazing night combined on the terrace of the CETE office organised for Rachana Winter School fellows on 27 November 2022. 

Circa 1997 and 2022

Circa 2022:

Today I dreamt again of some conversations long past

But the impact they have had on me will life long last.

Circa 1997: 

I came back home after a walk

Friends of mine had gone to Carter Road for a repast.

Amma asked if I'd noticed how my friend protected me

Walking on the road side with a hand at the back guiding me

I was careless as I talked

Would not notice vehicles or people who would my path block

He gently nudged me hither-thither

I noticed not till Amma made me ponder.

Then every walk was a treasure

Of finding moments of care that let me not blunder

I learnt to appreciate better the friendship so generously offered

Irreverent as he was, to us friends his alert care he always proffered.

I learnt from him to notice and act

For other friends to be on the roadside track

I learnt that gifts of these moments are treasures rare

For caring is a gift, if just one could dare.

Less self-centred, more selfless

Eases burdens, adds to life's preciousness.

But it was Amma who helped me notice

The many acts of love that I took for granted as due service

The noticing made me strive to improve 

To be worthy of being a friend when I did nothing much you could approve.

My friends taught me what was being loving and giving

By constantly helping me, in return nothing asking

Even my company had so many restrictions

They accepted them all as a part of me, not afflictions.

Circa 2022

Blessed am I for friends like these,

And for a mother who got me to these see.

- Written on 20 November 2022. 
- A close friend from college who knows who he is. A journey of 25 years and going strong. 

Birthdays Without you

And dawns the first birthday without you

Missing the scoldings and warnings that irrespective rang through. 

No we do not celebrate birthdays or such, 

But even without ado, at least one fav dish was there to munch.

Through all the scoldings, one activity to please (more tease) the birthday boy

Memories of those moments will never die.

You are missed, but also know

We are stronger as days unfold

The best gift you gave us was strength

Through trials and tribulations to not break but mend.

To remember that a paratha can be as good as cake

That candles can be blown any day

That people are special not events or days

That support is best that trusts you to any situation face.

So this day is just another day

To remember that you cared not shine or rain

Scoldings were a must, egos needed to bite the dust, 

So in quiet moments we smile gleefully, your scoldings we do not lust 😂

- Written on 13 November 2022. 
- Self-Explanatory: K's Birthday. Amma not there. 

Happy Diwali 2022

Deepavali, the festivity of lights

Shining on us grace and delight. 

Sweets and crackers make us beam

Snacks and sparklers fill us with glee.

Groan we might of weight gained after, 

But meeting loved ones are moments treasured.

But spare a thought to the needy folks

Dresses and books and food they need more. 

Gifting culture is a part of Diwali, 

But make it not a mere business deed. 

Let us give of ourselves and ours

Not just today, but all waking hours. 

To make this world a better place

To strive for equity, not privilege. 

Be it Ram's return or Krishna's victory,

All celebrate freedom from ignorance and slavery.

The demon is not Ravan nor Narkasura

It is the lust for more: be it wealth or power.

Fighting for others underlies most mythology.

The triumph over greed is the story of Diwali.

Light our way out of ignorance. 

Light our way out of petulance. 

Light our way to perseverance. 

Light our way to excellence. 
Light our way to tolerance.

Light our way to benevolence.

Happy Diwali 2022!

- Written on 24 October 2022. 
- Self-Explanatory. 

A wish I got for this Diwali that I would like to cherish from Tigi

Hope your future is brighter and healthier then your past. Pray your future has love, respect and acceptance than you do deserve. May you smile the way you would have loved to. Cheers.

Story of Maharashtra school libraries' a-telling.

A rich tapestry of ideas and a united perspective

'What is a library? What books in our childhood did we read?

What use of books and space? 

With what tools do we all these trace?

Who might give answers to what?

FGD, Interviews, to survey or not?

Peripheral and the centre intertwined such

The study became larger and yet retained focus.

Busy folks, ill ones, all joined forces, 

Shared ideas and promises of more resources

Another meeting suggested

In-person interaction requested

This was such a wonderful beginning

Of the story of Maharashtra school libraries' a-telling. 

- Written on 27 Sep 2022. 
- We had just begun a new research study on the status of libraries in Government elementary schools in Maharasthra. 

The Need for Sleep

A thought revolves each day

Hovers, tempts, berates

Thookam thevaiya?

Jhopechi garaj aahe ka?

Ki ninda di lora hai?

Kya sona zaroori hai? 

Urrakkam avasayamene?

Le sommeil est-il nécessaire?

No matter how it is asked or the times-a-many

My body responds, 'Yes, indeed!'

It shuts down with my laptop on

And refuses to wake up as alarms gong.

It walks slow, thinks slow,

Stays on in sleep zone.

It is a hungry beast

At least 8 hours of rest it feeds. 

- Written on 21 September 2022. 
- Overheard a conversation between students at TISS and came up with this later on. 

Twin Power (Adi Adu)

- win power rocks this land

With hugs and smiles they play their hand.

Winning hearts, they slay battles,

Parting from them, the heart rattles.

They talk, they read, they puzzles solve,

They sing, they dance, they unite all. 

They write comics dark yet with sunny bees, 

They write prophesies of grit and peace. 

They love Gobi Manchurian and mangoes

They are adorable even in midst of mosquito woes. 

It feels too soon to say goodbye, 

Adi and Adu to meet you again soon I will try. 

Stay well, stay safe, stay happy

- Written on 18 July 2022. 
- Was saying farewell to Adi-Adu in Chennai. 

Being Alive

Being alive. What does it mean?

Shallow breaths and head splitting?

Ache and dizziness with every movement? 

Nausea that even water elicits?

Sounds, sights, smells make no impression. 

To register anything feels an achievement. 

Is that being alive, immersed in yourself, 

Floating somewhere in cotton world?

Ah! Bliss. Scored finally. 

Meds obliterate thoughts, focus, personality. 

What pain? Nothing can penetrate

Guilt, worry, deadlines. Everything fades.

 And then you wake up, drenched, drained.

The head throbs as an unmatchable refrain.

Which is better? Which is being alive?

Would you choose suffering or rather die?

It is a choice I have had to make often times

I forego meds that rob me of my mind

What use comfort if there is nothing of you

In that body on the bed, just a shell that is called you?

- Written on 11 August 2022. 
- Had been unwell for sometime and was in a bad shape with a new training to go to in Assam on 15 August. Was worried. 

CLIx Growing

Propped up by meds, I enter the training

A new state for CLIx, we are growing.

I wonder if I will have energy to sustain

There is no one but me for this phase.

Then we begin to converse, building rapport

Concerns are the same in education wherever you go.

Students do not talk in English, they are shy

Afraid of failing, loss of face, they do not try.

They lack vocabulary and grammar know-how. 

- Written on 20 August 2022
- Went to Assam on 15 August for 2 weeks of training. Had been a harrowing month with illness and tiredness and meds. How I managed, I dunno. 

(Happy) Ganesh Chathurthi 2022

This year has been a tad difficult. 

I want to remember, yet not, 

So many challenges, the tiredness, the near rot

The many helping hands and hugs, the will to move on. 

O Obstacle Slayer, to pray to you, I first learnt. 

Your stories I heard galore,

You seemed too good to be true, I deplored :)

With your brother I sympathised, though you no ill-will I bore.

Today, no one is around to remind me of your birthday. 

Not that I celebrated, but there is an ache. 

So from them to you, Ganesha, revel away,

Have plenty, make merry, this is your day, have your say.

- Written on 31 August 2022. 
- Self-Explanatory. 

Happy Teacher's Day! 2022

The last two years showed your grit,

As challenges you overcame with wit.

While schools have reopened,

The learning loss persists.

We have yet miles to go

Before our dreams in reality exist.

We know you will, as you always have,

Strive, persevere, make a difference in students lives.

We take this moment to celebrate you,

To commend, applaud all that you relentlessly do.

- Written on 4 Sep 2022. - Self-Explanatory.