The Financial Engineer :)

I remember a small baby, squalling, sweet,
Dark wide eyes filled with curiosity,
A smile that could charm honey off bees,
A strength, a tenacity, equal to any adversity,
An intelligence, a thirst, that knew no boundary,
A calm, a laidbackness, that at times perplexed others and me.

A belief, a steady certainty, in your capability,
Today sees you in IFMR, Tomorrow will see you the world lead. 

• Written on 3 May 2012 
• In honour of my cousin, ROLL SOUND PLEASE - the intelligent, the capable, the talented, the laidback  Aju / Krishnan Ayer

'Baited'

A gala time to be had,  

Friends meet after a really long while.

The jokes, the old college kid repartee,

The smiles, the comfort, the nostalgic glee.

Then the conversation turns, as they always do,

To the future that each looks forward to.

The single ones targeted for not stepping up,

For not sipping from the ‘opportunities’ cup.

Why is marriage the ‘be all’ of society?

Why can’t singles be ever deemed happy?

Why is such a fuss made of marital responsibility?

Why is a ‘significant other’ so very necessary?

Why is true sharing to be only between lovers?

Why is plain friendship not enough revered?

Why does ‘your family’ begin with your spouse?

Why is any other view point met with a grouse?

It hurts at times to be always told to confirm,

That one is foolish to hold onto beliefs so firm,

That one is not truly successful or prosperous or joyful,

If one is not married, or looking to be part of a couple.

I may not always explain my rationale,

But aren’t I entitled to be what I, anyway, dare?

Isn’t it enough that I consider myself sated?

Why must I for my ‘lack’ be baited?

-       -Written on Tuesday, November 8, 2011. Self Explanatory.

Prads' Midnight Call

Wow! Tales of this wanderer
Cease to amaze me never.
Why do I some story always hear
From any S'pore traveller?
Prads, yours is the umpteenth,
However, unique.

Rush hour traffic panic, by a cop flayed,
Then flight delayed and excess baggage!
Gone- money and so the Lindt Dark Chocolate
''What will Easwar think, I'm empty handed?!''
He didn't know, dude. He wudn't anyway care
Too much, he is not so addicted to the Lindt fare.

But, now that this msg reaches him, I plead he ensure,
That he makes u buy ltr both dark choc and liqueur.
For me Easwar, pretty please.
For me being awakened, for me, Prads fleece.
He feels so guilty, u can easily make him weep,
Capture it on film, a treasure I can keep.

Fool, Stupid, Idiot - of course, I
Who started this entire thing/mess? - I

Best wishes guys,
God save you.

-Written on 19 February 2011 at 12:45 am
- Self Explanatory right? Easwar do the honours.

Splash!

Splash! we enter this world.
Splash! we are cleansed at birth.
Splash! we revel in games.
Splash! we wake to a new day.
Splash! we feel refreshed.
Splash! we focus afresh.
Splash! we wash away our tears.
Splash! we overcome our fears.
Splash! we our courage renew.Splash! we look forward to.

Splash! we now shudder.
Splash! we are infused with horror.
Splash! you ended our hope.
Splash! you cut life's rope.
Splash! we will forever be haunted
Splash! is this what you wanted?

- Written on 21 January 2010.
Yesterday, we got the news that my cousin had died purpotedly by jumping into a water body.

What do you do

What do you do
When hard earned money goes down the drain?
What do you do
When the sweat you put in seems to be in vain?
What do you do
When someone you trust flicks your wallet?
What do you do
When your faith in humanity is your downfall's pellet?
What do you do
When then for your 'carelessness' you are shouted at?
What do you do
To make your parents understand, you are not that bad?! 
What do you do
When you lose money you'd saved up for something special?
What do you do
When because of you your friend doesn't get his thank you medal?
What do you do
When the crime eats away at your confidence?
What do you do
When you dream of notes that you now wish you would already spent?
What do you do
When you know you are going to forego many many things to make up?
What do you do
When you know that even such drudgery is a lost cause?
What do you do
When your angst has no space to be shown?
What you do
Is that you write a rhyme and make your friends for their choice mourn. :)

-Written on 30 October 2010
- Self- Explanatory. Some one in college flicked my wallet from my cavernous bag. And people state that things can get lost in there. I was shocked that things get lost from there :)

Do you not want me?

Do you not realize,

That I’m forever by your side?

Do you not hear me,

Do I speak that softly?

Why don’t you listen,

To my words that with love glisten?

I will be there as  your shadow

When to bed you go.

I will be the one who will stay

When you wake up at night afraid.

I will be the one to give you company

When in sorrow you most need empathy.

Do you not feel me,

Yearning for you to perceive me?

Do you not understand,

The messages that I send?

Do you not want me,

The one true friend indeed?

I will be there when you want me not,

Waiting for you to crave my charm.

I will never utter a single complaint or deter

You from ignoring me. Using me. Willfully.

I will be there for you forever,

In death and life, I am your server.

Notice me. Welcome me. Cherish me.

Adore me. Desire me. Smile for me.

Possess me. Be possessed by me.

Think of me. Do not fill me.

Do you recognize me?

I am SILENCE. …………………………………………………………I am happy.

© -Written on 27 July 2010.

- Why I wrote this? - I am a teacher. Do I need say more?

Oh Theory!

Oh Theory! The bane of human existence,
One knows not what is something's essence,
States this ignorance
In many a complex sentence,
Though academicians modern state their intolerance
They persist in indulging in this preponderance.
We wonder why of inanity there is so much prevalence,
Yet, for eons we cannot see theory's evanescence.
:P

- Written on 3 June at 12:30 am
- In response to a friend's status message claiming that she hates reading theory at 12 in the night, Depises it at 12 in the afternoon and ignores it the rest of the time. Well all that theorising Miss Brill Scholar leads to so many of your own noteworthy accomplishments :) Keep at it :)

Passing Fad

On the right side of my window is a skyscraper
An ad that beckons me to the Himalayan treasure.
Just below is an offer
For weight loss - a medical wonder.
Another window provides
Links to restaurants with epicurean delights.

All I want is to respond to my mail,
But in closing these boxes, in that I fail.
Watch a drab soap opera on TV
There is the squeeze back to tempt the greedy.
News channels have a subscription ad
I regret this is here to stay, this "passing fad".

"What do I do then?" - I enjoy
The soul destroying creativity that's deployed.

- Written on 14 May 2010
- Self Explanatory. Am tired of pop-ups, squeeze backs, tickers for ads and so on, but c'est la vie so am trying to appreciate the ingenuity.

Innocuous Pleasure

A child’s pleasure -
An innocuous treasure.
A treat, a bribe –
A parent’s respite.

The most gifted
The most loved
The mud coloured delight
Makes most people’s day bright.

How then do I cope
Remembering the dear soul
Wrought to an end choking
On a chocolate of all things?

- Written on 11 May 2010
- Amrit, I still can’t quite believe you are not amongst us anymore.

To Amrit

A lanky boy on the second last bench,
With ever a smiling face
Earnest, sincere, yet mischievous
I'll never forget his assignment with the "f....." phrase.

A bus ride with him as your companion
Could mean a second degree inquisition.
Polite yet confident, he would know the reasons
Why I was not married yet, what were my ambitions.

With other students ‘shush’ing him, an apology
He SMSed later, for overstepping boundaries, if any.
Coming in on a rainy day with a badly hurt foot
To see a Culture Studies class movie, though he was excused!

Early morning phone calls to state
Excuses for a project delayed.
Never let me down though when it mattered
Optimistic, easy-going, rarely dejected.

So many snapshots of him that I recollect:
A toy on the ceiling, a career guidance request,
Working harder when I would his assignment reject,
Mostly teasing Deepti to misery abject.

As semesters passed, he only got thinner
I teased him even about fading away altogether.
Today, a sad day for all, that we will no more see this bright spark
Yet, can I truly state that, when he resides in our heart?

-I will miss you Amrit Bansal – For me you will ever be associated with 7 – your Roll No. when you joined FY.
- Written on 10 May 2010.

Farmville reports replace FB status updates

"What's your problem with uploading status updates? 
Why is FV all that I see on your page? "
Well to answer the query, I must plead, 

Status requires thought , while FV is TP.  
I'm in a phase where I don't wanna think. 
Can't maybe truer, but why be grim.

FV's mindnumbing enough requiring merely a click,
Waiting endlessly for page reloads is an activty fix.
I know this won't last endlessly, I have started to write,
And I may soon desist from activity on FV and the like.
Till then, but, my friends, be prepared to see
FV updates galore, with Causes breaking the monotony. :) 


-Written on 22 April 2010
- The reasons are self-explanatory. I have been accused of being addicted to fv bypassing fb. :) I dunno abt dat, bt d chat lang dfts me.

Happy 4th Wedding Anniversary

A day when we rejoiced with friends
That two of ours had their bonds strengthened.
A day when a voice rang out with conviction
As she said 'I Do' with typical theatrical enunciation. :)
A day when the quieter voice still
Stated his commitment to love's promises fulfill.

Four years have passed since then
Their bond has served as others' inspiration.
More of our group have married
One of them of has had a kid.
This couple, however, stays on as the group's foci
Here's to wishing them a bon voyage on this year 5.

- Written on 21 April 2010. 
- A day in advance for the very obvious reason. Shrads-Mat here's 2 U from all of us Untouchables. :)
-

A Late Night Call

Up late night on g-chat,
At the world hitting back,
Wondering aloud about options new,
A friend says call now, I'm here for you.

Late night, hectic schedules, documents to be worked on, early morning gym,
All forgotten in the hope that he might brighten my world dim.
Listens, listens and listens some more
As I express with sound effects many an inner furore.

I say good night finally, my problems still unresolved
But a peace that lightens my mind I have found
I hope he could sleep and his work tomorrow go about
For I now know that with such friends my problems are not so fraught.

- Written on 20 April 2010
- After a telcon with Easwar, the white knight riding to the rescue over airwaves. :) He knows what I am talking about :)

'Run! Don't look back!"
"Wait! Always watch your back!"
"Attack! Don't just stand and stare."
"Defend! Never provoke another's dare."

The tennis ball aced around
Is not hit so well into the ground.
How do I explain my ditherance
When I am never met with forbearance?

I run and watch my back
Invariably lose my place on the track.
I attack and then defend
About being sure of myself I pretend.

Why do we confuse
Our children with our views?
When we ourselves have no answer
As to how to be a successful player.

Yet, I listen with bated breath
For the next formula to beat failure to death
I even follow at times
Then I pay for my crimes.

Do I learn? Of course not!
Why would I when advisors abound?
Sureshot methods I am often taught
Seems like I am the exception to the rules fraught.

An appeal here to you all
Tell me again once and not for all
How do I succeed
In making my dreams flower from seed?

-Written on 10 April 2010 - typed directly onto the blog :)
-Yes, another advice that I sent down the drain, thanks to my ineptitude. I live in hope that I may someday learn, but so far hope in vain.

My morning

The rush early in the morning,
The need to be alone,
The desire to sleep for a few hours more,
The tiredness that oozes from every single pore.

Catching a bus as late as can be
Leaning forward, willing it on, as it inches slowly.
Forgetting your book, but for a kind samaritan,
Miscounting change for your fare, that is happily returned.

Running through halls, violating decorum,
Rumbles in your stomach making you yearn for food yum,
Hair askew, more than it usually is,
Breathless, panting, one finally reaches.

'No lectures today. Sorry, you are not on call.
We should have informed you, but we unfortunately stalled.'
Curses hover, waiting to be screamed out.
You nod, you smile, say you understand when you patently do NOT.

Then you think,
'Thanks to this respite, could I catch a few winks?'
The answer is 'NO'. You have a price to pay
You were so stressed out, that though exhausted you are wide awake.

-Written on 6 April 2010.
- Self-explanatory don't you think? :P

Can the USA ever stand competition?
Is this fear behind their new found Pak-compassion?
Supported India against China's gainsay,
But it is a superpower on its own today,
Where Chinese communism could never win it allies many,
India's secularism has won friends already.
Nuclear deals struck are now a pain,
Pakistan's accession is suddenly a gain,
A country that's sponsored terrorism,
It deserves more than Iran's defiance.

- Written on 20 May 2009
- Refer to Hillary Clinton's statement granting aid to Pakistan, taking back the statements she had made a month ago deploring the administrative system in the said country!!!!!!!!!!! Two facedness Zindabad!!!!!!!!

India with Gandhi

Welcome stability,
End fragmented polity,
Give a party support to shine,
Do your civic duty and do not whine,
The people of India have to a large extent,
Seem to have worked out their intent
And voted for the least militant.
Hooray! No more 24 hours of news,
Cagey politicians being asked their views,
Introspection called for naturally,
The mass seems to have hood winked even the punidits' wizardry.
Cheers Young India! the party that's come to power
Is most representative of the Indian hour.
Ramchandra Guha may well now write
India with Gandhi and The BJP's f(r)ight.

Hip Hip Hooray!!!! :)

-Written on 16th May 2009

Response to Easwar's Comment on the previous post - Love...

A piece of advice kindly given
Without realising its repercussion.
If I start commenting on Indian politics
The world would be deeper in the pits.
I have a mixed strain of idealism and pragmatism
It is a cocktail that smacks of just impressionism.
Details get conveniently bypassed many a time
That I am laziness personified only aids the crime.
Dear cousin, I am certainly not an authority,
However, when I strongly feel, I do try writing poetry :)
AND when I do not even regularly BLOG about everyday events
How, pray, do you justify your suggestion, for many a punishment?

- Written on 9 May 2009

Love as an aid to self-destruction

I just saw The Believer. It got me thinking a bit more. Last night as I sat typing questions and formulating explanatory answers late into this morning I also kept shuffling the various news channels that had repeat telecasts of 9PM news at 2:30 AM. After a point I felt that they did not really care about what they had to communicate.

The purpose was to fill the air time. There were no debates. Everyone knew what the other party would say and since we have so many experienced politicians who never to seem to let go we have been hearing the same speech almost verbatim for the past many years. The Congress perhaps helped us poor citizens a bit by allowing Jyotiraditya and Sachin Pilot to speak. That they entrusted youngsters to damage control what another "youngster" Rahul Gandhi had wrought was ironical. Of course, they could always backtrack from any political goof-ups by stating novices do not know what the experienced and the 'truly' powerful leaders in the Congress are about etc. etc. Master move, I think.

I also think that the media is a bit more in love with Rahul Gandhi as they have been gagged a bit themselves by the Election Office and can question the politicians on the various hints that "the young Rahul" has shared with them. Is he being "naive" or "shrewd"? The focus is firmly on the Congress as a result. Whatever the various parties may be thinking of Congress is never far from their minds.

The BJP seems to have it down to a pat. As Sachin Pilot pointed out, they will tell what is wrong with the Congress, what the Congress wants, what the Congress should do, what the other parties allied with the Congress or formerly allied with them want or should do, how hypocritical the Congress is, how opputunistic it is and so on and so forth without once focusing on "what is right with the BJP" and what are their strategies etc. With Rudy only confirming everything that Sachin had stated in his answers to Barkha Dutt, one feels that be the Congress in power or not, they are the ones establishing the government. They will be the ones to help form the government by adhering to their principled stand (Manmohanji is our PM) or by merrily eschewing this for higher "moral" grounds of keeping the BJP out of power which could well be about the only thing they learnt from the Left in their long association.

I wonder what will happen. But as my brother says, whatever be the outcome is it going to truly affect the mass in any positive manner? For that I suggest we re-read Freakonomics to know how a single event can shape the trends of the coming generations.

As for the reason I began by saying that I saw The Believer, there is a reason for that. I had had similar thoughts last night (I will share below) that the anti-hero expressed even better in this complexly wonderful film. He says something to the effect that the only way to destroy the Jews is to "love them. Sincerely." They only answer they cannot take is a 'yes'. If Hitler had not happened they would have invented him!!!!!! I thought these lines were wonderful.

India has long been looked down upon, we struggled then to build our nation, but any time we seem to go through times of peace and prosperity, we sure seem to go all out to destroy ourselves. We do not need foreign leaders to ruin us, we have proven that we do not even need Indian leaders to ruin us, the urban middle class that has risen through the cracks of prosperity will ensure that these cracks remain and in fact become larger. They will not go and vote and the politicians who feared these members coming out in full strength happily excuse them with reasons like long weekends and hot weather. I fully endorse the lines in The Believer if applied to the Indian context. Love us to help us destroy ourselves :)

Well my piece composed at 3:30 AM reads:

I wonder what the state of Congress will be
As it desperately fights the effects of incumbency?
Mamata vs. Brinda, Mulayam or Maya
Who will help form the government - DMK or Jaya?

Will swords be sheathed temporarily
Only to be weilded at times of power sharing calamity?
Will enemies be allies and vice versa
Will we see the results of a new political diaspora?

Will Rahul Gandhi's speech come to haunt him
Or will it be remarked upon later for its political wisdom?
For now, the Congress is in the limelight
Other parties are media-hounded to rethink their strategies in this fight.

Will we ever have parties truly secular
Or will we forever adhere to notions that are currently popular?
Independents are the flavour of the season
What matters if their win or loss does not truly serve the nation?

We need a party that will be strong
To take the right decisions in face of all wrongs.
Such courage works best when supported
But alas! our young citizens have not adequately voted.

Come Terrorism, Come recession,
Come corruption, Come pollution
Come crime, Come evil,
Our protests are short lived and very feeble.

We will accept any government - The shakier, the better
Just give us reason to crib louder and longer.
Maoist, Democratic, Republican or even Talibani
Do not bother us about politics, we are only 'aam aadmi'.

We will suffer poverty and lack of liberty
We shine becuase of these you see.
Afterall, it's Slumdog and the NASA Swades
That truly represents our Indian race.

Personal triumphs guided by luck is better
Than working hard as a community to prosper.
Worthy of your salutations, WE ARE INDIANS,
We have no enemies, who can better our self-destructive millions?

-Written on 8 May 2009.

Incommunicado period hopefully past

Hey guys,

I have got mails, smses, and or calls asking me what I have been upto and if I am even alive. While I did not realise I had been that lackadiasical in my communication that you would wonder about my state of existence I do apologise for not being in touch and hope that you all know that if you had needed me I was just a phone call away. So what have I been upto huh.. well

First there was this buliding that I stay in
The BMC ruled that 30 years old and more and it might cave in
So began structural repairs partial
The top floor flat we live in was deemed experimental
Since we live on salt commission land
If the building falls the place will be out of our hands
So the repairs were begun with many false starts
As South Indians we had to be stingy with the costs
A whole wall fell in our bedroom
Mosquitoes galore that night on our blood we groomed
A part of the drawing room wall was the next to be demolished
By that time we had almost got used to our blood needing to be repienished
Hammers and tongs above our flat was not enough
As the terrace got redone we had to have not seepage but flood.
As our newly painted walls cropped up new designs
My brother and I almost decided to disown our family ties
Unfortunately my mother had instilled values
We stayed on and even helped the workers in the mileu
So it goes on even now
We water our walls as our plants are gone
We dust the dust on the dust covering the dust of our stuff
Our CPU languishes in our technician's shop filled with dust and what not
Our AC and stuff we do not even want to touch
We fear they will crumble with all they have endured.
Somehow the brave TV and washing machine soldier on
We take our blessings, whereever they are found.

Of ocurse it is not enough that I wake up to Dust and sleep in Dust
Since I teach at various colleges, projects and stuff carry home I must
Then correct them and then dust them and then store them and then dust them
Meetings and travel will come my way
I will brave the pollution and population fray
Work on not just the weekdays but weekends too
Public Holidays just meant there was time to catch up do
Lectures that begin at 7 am and some that end at 10 pm
A parcel of life that I have wilfully chosen
How do I complain when I was the one to gainsay
The saner voices that I now wish I had allowed to prevail?
I earned a bit more and spent a lot more on travel
I came across many whom I taught who are far more sensible.
Projects of editing and constructing reports I could not say 'NO' to
My doctor's advice though I constantly did NOT adhere to
Sheer common sense does not accompany the genius see
I have grand delusions about my abilities.

Then I decided that enough was enough
So many years that I have spent sheltered and cossetted
I had made a decision: I would go out more and meet my friends
Late nights if need be I would not forsake
In fights with my folks I would partake
Freedom, however, was my birthright
I am, by God, going to finally it enjoy.
So kind of my friends that they arranged
Weddings and functions and parties for me to hold my sway
Daring I went and fun I had so what if a few hours sleep was also set aside
Memories I made and spent more time and energy on travel on again
Rickshawalas and taxi guys are a smart lot I learned as politics and waht not we discussed on our way
Kala Ghoda was fun too.
Of my poor cousin I made full use
His good nature I admire
As he spent more time trying to ignore my tired sighs.
Cakes and samosas and jalebis and pizzas
I have partied hard this winter past

While still not accomplishing much I have done more than ever before
I am proud of myself, please this time my selfishness ignore
The year upcoming I will try to be more organised
And for mails and calls too I will time prioritise.
You were there in my thoughts a few moments here and there
But time flew past before I could my thoughts with you share.
I am trying to do better as you can see
To be more outgoing and a better friend be
A slow learner I admit, however, I will succeed surely.

I hope that you guys will also contibute and teach me
How you mange to accomplish so much so unassumingly.

Apologies and Love
Anusha


- Written on 15 April 2009