A Conversation Recorded

Oh no! Not again! Oh! Here it goes. Well Ok. Anusha, stay calm, it was your fault. Get the lecture over with. Do not, absolutely do not back answer. No. NO!! Do not back answer. Do not make faces even. No excuses. They will not be considered. You know the drill. Do not murmur to yourself. Yes, you did not mean to do anything wrong but it was your fault nevertheless. Be a man. That is not being chauvinistic for God’s sake. That is just an expression. Listen girl, I am the only friend you have right now. Don’t you start cross questioning me too. Just listen to the lecture girl. Don’t let your attention wander like this. People shouting at you like to know you are listening to their efforts. They don’t like shouting at unappreciative brick walls you know.

Oh well! I tried. God! Why is there so much population in the world? If there were fewer people I would not be like I am now, getting so many scoldings from my Mom just because I am forgetful.

What?! What are you yakking about, you crazy girl? You should be paying attention to your Mom. She means well you know. And she is NOT doing this for her pleasure. Landsakes woman! What do you mean by there being less population and you being more responsible?

Oh shut up! I have my Mom thank you. One conscience is enough. For anyone. Even me.
Oh God! Why? Such long queues would not have been there.

Obviously! Gone. A nutcase. Someone certify her. Please!

Why don’t you understand? That is precisely my point . If there had been less people standing in line to receive God’s blessings then I might have waited around for HIM or HER to get to me. God knows, I have no patience. At least then the first blessing I received could have been that then. Then I would have waited around for the other blessings. But No! Of course not. That would have been too easy. For me. Not God. So I was blessed with that introductory offer package. A modicum of conscience, a smattering of brains, a pinch of responsibility, a teaspoon of honesty, a dash of optimism, a drop of pragmatism, a splash of ambition, an atom of …….

Enough already! What are you jabbering on about woman? Your Mom has finished her lecture. Your response is expected.

Huh? Oh! Oh. Well you understand why I am so lacking don’t you? It is not my fault. Absolutely not.

Yeah! Yeah!

“I am sorry Ma.”

Yeah. Yeah. You don’t really believe all this do you?

Why not?

Why not?! Why not? When will you grow up girl?

Enough already! “Yes Ma. Will do it. YES!”

- Written on 28 April 2007

- Well, Deba. Not always poems I said. This is one prosaic piece that fortunately wrote itself on the comp so I was not too lazy to upload it. That is another blessing that God denied me by not granting me patience to wait for the “hardworking” blessing. Bloody hard work to get these blessings I tell you. ;)

Inspired by Solitude (Nehal’s pic)

The water beckons, so unfettered.
As can I be if I the sea enter.

Oh traveler! Why when you are so weary
Do you merely walk along the shore
Not even looking at the beauty
That stops just short of your sole?

Oh look! Can’t you see
The very best of Nature’s bounty?

Firelight caressing the waves
The air dancing under the waves
A union so divine
All the 5 elements here join

Oh traveler! If I were you
I would not walk along as you do.

I would embrace the water,
I know all my cares would disappear,
I know I would be rejuvenated,
I know joyous peace I would be granted.


- Written on 26th April 2007

- I know u have titled this pic solitude and yes it speaks of that as well but I just viewed it in this manner. Hope you don’t mind Nehal?

- Nehal did not mind obviously. ;)

- Check out my sidebar for a link to more fascinaing pictures by Nehal.

What I Am Not Is ….

So self assured that I can listen to all you say
So insecure that I have nothing to say
So brilliant that I have all the answers
So dumb that not a single query tortures
So independent that I need no help
So dependent that I need to be guided every step
So wise that I accept everything with equanimity
So sensitive that every little thing affects me immensely
So insensitive that I recognize only me and my needs
So insensible that I fail to value what others feel
So incurious that I never wonder why
So interested that I constantly pry
So likeable that I bring everyone a smile
So revolting that to avoid me you would run a mile
So shy that I am no company
So outgoing that I am the focal point of any party
So lovely that you would never forget me
So ugly that you’d wish that your memory could expunge me
So loyal that I would always come through, no matter what
So false that I wouldn’t care if through Hell you pass
So merciful that I would forgive and forget every offence
So ruthless that nothing would move me, no tear, no penance
So ambitious that I want to break through the sky
So complacent that I would never try

So it goes on…the litany of what I am not
So what am I, well that’s a bit too hard to sort.


- Written on 24th April 2007

- Why? I have no clue. Maybe because I was thinking of new ways to teach antonyms and synonyms and could not get beyond the traditional ;)

Blame this on TV – Another Diatribe

Another program on TV
I know, I am addicted hopelessly.
This one was a political interview
Of how laws need implementation, not mere purview.
An example was given that made me laugh
I will share with you that you too may scoff.
The law says ‘Do not treat SC/ST differently
Do not for example, serve them in a separate cup tea.’
If you do thus you can be punished
Up to 5 years to jail you can be banished.

My brother stared hard when I cackled,
So I explained to him the law fickle.
Do not treat differently an SC/ST,
But provide for them a separate seat.
They are not different from rest of humanity,
But they cannot compete equally.
They have faced too much cruelty
To just in 60 years overcome their disability.
They are not less than us on any front.
They just need more time to learn.

Has the lawmaker ever thought that there are inequals among equals,
That not every (formerly) underprivileged can achieve laurels,
That more issues need to be addressed,
Than seats and cups redressed?
Be they privileged or underprivileged, everyone deserves a fair turn.
You can’t preach equality if any segment you shun.
A top-down approach is detrimental to the nation
If a bottom-up approach is not effected for every section.
Perhaps I am another Mary Antoinette.
But in this age of equality I too claim respect.

- Written on 25th April 2007

Well a politician’s interview on Jaya TV led to this diatribe.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand the need for reservation for the underprivileged. It is just that notions of privilege are so vaguely defined that I can no longer agree with the existing law about who is underprivileged and who is not.

Just as I took stance against the symbolic 30% reservation of seats for women I am against the current position of the Government in symbolically reserving seats in tertiary education for yet another segment of the underprivileged. If they could not tackle the problem of SC/ST in almost 60 years of Independent India and the years before while fighting for Swaraj how long is it going to take them to tackle the OBC problem they have now identified? This is too deeply rooted a problem to disappear with reserving a few (or many) seats. It needs a ground level approach to be implemented. It needs a cleansing of the culture and traditions that so many of the politicians so desperately cling to.

I think the Government wants to ensure that there are problems in the country that it will need to govern thus ensuring the politicians’ occupation for years to come.

Question: What is one of the easiest problems to rectify according to the Indian Governance system?
Answer: Problems that they have themselves masterminded.

Question: Who can solve these problems?
Answer: Why you have to vote them in and then they will take through the maze they constructed and if they haven’t forgotten (politicians in India being by and large senior citizens) they will try and lead to light.
Or you can break through if you are so inclined. (But please note that I think the politicians better than us know about our ghulami mentality)

Jalianwala Baug Gujarat se hara

Khadi pehenke bane the khaidi
Taaki desh ko mile azaadi.
Dekho aaj desh ki pragati
Kitni paas nazar aati hai barbaadi.

Dange fasad hote hain aaj zyaada,
Jalianwala Baug Gujarat se hara.
Swatantrata ka nara
Bas ek pratik bechara.

Kya chaha tha, kya paaya.
Ghulami ne kabhi sar na jhukaya.
Auroin ki ya apnoin ki
Seva dharam ne khub rang jamaya.

Raja ho ya sarkar ho
Angrez ya bharatiya ho
Koi aisa ho jise nakaar sako
Apni nakaamiyabiyon ki wajah bana sako.

Ya aisa ho who nek banda
Jo sabki tarraki ke liye ho kaam karta.
Bas hamein baksho
Gulamoin ko gulami ke hal pe chodo.

- Written on 25th April 2007.

- Why? I have no clue. I keep reading so many newspapers and watching TV perhaps I have become as dreary as them.

Will you....?

Will you dance with me on all kinds of roads?
Will you hold my hand against a life tide’s force?
Will you laugh with me over life’s ironies?
Will you cry with me over tragedies?

Will you let me in your life? Will you share
Your darkest fears and your cares?
Will you stay with me even if we succeed?
Or is it only failure that anchors us deep?

Will you get angry and then say sorry?
Or will you exercise control till you leave me?
When I make mistakes, will you punish then forgive me?
Or will you pretend to forget, then continue to blame me?

When you are in need will you trust me?
Or will you protect me, patronize me?
When life gets too much will you, for a short while, shelter me?
And when I am strong again will you lure me out to face reality?

Will you hold my hand against a life tide’s force?
Will you dance with me on all kinds of roads?
Will you, in us, believe?
Will you be the friend I so direly need?

- Written on 22 April 2007.

Wedding Anniversary

Last year, this day, a knot was tied
A commitment long held was finalized.
Two friends joined hands in matrimony.
May their love always sing the song of harmony.

From college days they have been together.
Yet the celebration of love, for us, was a wonder.
A reiteration of love and happiness
May this couple always have bliss.

Two of our most loved friends
Today celebrate the first anniversary of when they wed.
We rejoice with them on this special day.
May their union be a beacon of hope always.


- Written on 22 April 2007.

- On this day in the year 2006, Mautik and Shraddha wed.
- A few tears of happiness were by their kith and kin shed.
- As the ‘I do’ rang resoundingly clear,
- Everyone’s hearts filled with cheer.

A Day Out

My cousin and I met after many days.
We decided to catch a movie to celebrate.
The movie was entitled The Departed.
This Scorsesen movie was very well enacted.

The theme was cops and robbers
I expected fear and tears but not much humour.
But it was laughter all the way with no moralistic sermons.
Surprisingly, the cops were shown as mostly good humans.

Before and after the movie, we walked the town streets
Or wandered aimlessly, to put it more aptly.
We walked, not always in tandem, as we chatted,
Teasing comments, as is custom, spouted.

Walked me poor legs for hours he did
And then had the audacity to claim I had a limp!
Saw my spectacles and decided arbitrarily
Large frames are for freaks.

A day out with my cousin brother,
To many such more I look forward.
Just want to say bro, “Thanks for your caring ways,
And hope you don’t mind being damned with faint praise.” ;)

- Written on 10 November, 2006.
- Well it was written on a scrap while traveling back home and since I found it now thought I might as well continue the torture.
- Dharam, beware! Such scraps are more common than even you might tolerate ;)
- Everybody else relax. I am too lazy to type all that crap. I mostly throw them away.

On Nehal's 'Abstraction' and more

An aritst's palatte.
Possibilities galore.
Where will she take me next?
What world will she throw open?
An ephemeral moment captured for eternity
And eternity encapsuled in a moment.

I salute the eye that sees,
I salute the hand that captures,
I salute the heart that shares
The vision of a blessed mind.

Thank you Nehal.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dividedface/395075924/

Patwardhan Park

Nike will be delighted, Adidas too –
So many health freaks who use their goods.
The shoes look used and yet somehow new,
Isn’t that great for the manufacturers of shoes!

What about socks? –
Some wear them some not.
Show bites must not be a problem for them,
And yes, the latter’s feet mustn’t smell.

Not many are wearing the clothes though
That for exercise nuts are the proper do.
Pants with [tightly] belted loops and thick, tight clothes
Are what are often seen on these health aficionados.

Cellulars in hand,
They march to individual bands.
If they are not listening to music
Then they are indulging in gossip.

These are folks who come by car
So that they may walk in a park.
These are folks who do walk
But only so that they too of the fashionable crowd are a part.

Yes, there are a few
Who walk because they love to.
Yes, there are a few
Who walk because they were advised to.

But for the majority of the crowd
The park is but a meeting ground.
And to which group do I belong? –
Oh! I am part of those who sit and critique everyone else around. ;))

-Written on 2 February 2004.

- Am going through a sort ur notes phase due to a serious space crunch. Am wondering if I studied at all. ;)

Home

Home – a place where by blood people are joined
Or, where loving hearts abide?
Home – a place where there are knock down fights
Or, where everyone is free to disagree then put them aside?
Home – where ONE rules the roost
Or, where everyone has an equal say on each issue?
Home – where one has to account for every move
Or, where one feels safe and secure?
Home – a place all too real
Or, what everyone aspires for as the ideal?

- Written on 15 December 2003.

-Was going over my notes and came across this. Since it is short was not too lazy to type ;

Burning

Burning. Burning. Hurting. Burning.
Chaotic thoughts. Floating. Jumping.
Snatch one here. One there.
Make no sense. Despair.
Move, mooove. NO. Halt. Lie still? Pain.
Oh! How I explain?
Fed up. Cry.
Hurts. No pry.
Alone? No. people? NO.
Don’t know.
Think. Feel. Hurt only.
Life. Folly.
No more.
Please.

- Written on March 4, 2007, Sunday, HOLI.
- Free flow as usual. Friends (especially you Deba) have been telling me for long that I am too Wordworthian must become modern. Seems my subconscious was listening. What is this about? Dunno. It is modern yaar. Make of it what u will. U will anyway. But yes, I have ulcers in my mouth thanks to an allergic reaction. Actually I have a mouth that is all ulcer. I think I let my tongue write this out. Takes away all the mystery doesn’t it? ;0

Present Generation Romantics

Perhaps romance has been so idealized
That the present generation feels pressurized
It fears that it may not live up to
The fantastical state that romance has been enshrined in.

Perhaps, we therefore prefer marriages that are arranged
So, then our idealistic bubble needn’t be burst.
Love can still be loved
The fantastical state still be attained if only we were more passionately abandoned.

Perhaps I am just trying to justify the current trend
And defy sociologists blaming my generation.
Am trying to state we lack not decision making skills
Rather we just want to preserve romance for the romantics.

- This piece is incomplete. It is merely an attempt on my part to formulate a few ideas that are floating in my head. I am not sure how to articulate all that I feel. But an article on arranged marriages provoked my sensibilities and sensitivities. I am still trying to grapple from the perspective of one who has friends, some of whom have opted for arranged, some who have fallen in love, and some who are like me deferring/searching/waiting/hoping/romancing……….;)
- Written on February 20, 2007.
- Nope guys was NOT on a roll. These thoughts have all been coagulating in my mind for some a while now. My friends circle in the last year has a seen a spurt of engagements and weddings - of all kinds - arranged, love, arranged-love and love-arranged. It makes one ruminate and in my case it sooner or later results in me trying to articulate.

Trust a Stranger

What is it that allows one to trust a stranger,
To move forward in life with them as a partner?
But then do we ever truly know another?
Isn’t life about change, about growth, about becoming better?

As we grow, our parents change, or perhaps our perceptions
As life progresses our relationships, our values, our interests subtly change in importance.

Then, when we do not remain the same,
Will not be tomorrow what we are today.
Then, how does one know, or perhaps hope,
That one’s partner will also parallelly grow?

Or am I getting it all wrong?
Does it really matter if on different paths, to different beats we march along?
Do our parents walk with us, or our siblings, or even our chosen friends?
And yet are we not enriched through their acquaintance?

Yet we wonder what allows one to so optimistically choose
A partner who will always be the other half of our soul?
How does one trust the half to always remain half?
To trust the half to remain our half?

“So what?” exclaim the brave,
“Joyously embrace the change.”
But I wonder, I still wonder
What is it that allows one to trust a stranger?

- Written on February 20th, 2007

For Gauri, Preeta et al

For Gauri, Preeta and of course Sanju and how do I forget Shivangi and Abhay and yes, you too Rohan, and Romi and Pravara …. Any more guys/ gals out there?............. ;)))

A new season heralds – one of weddings.
Many of my friends are partnerships forming.
A new threshold, a new path,
So many on a new journey have embarked.
The moment is exciting, full of possibilities.
The future beckons, sounds so promising.
I wish them success. I wish them excitement.
I wish them joy. I wish them fulfillment.

-Gauri and Preeta thank you for stunning me with news of your respective engagements. As for the rest of you u added to me being overwhelmed.
- Wrote this while purportedly attending a seminar on February 20, 2007

Laudable Achievement

I wonder if cats laud each other,
During community meetings and social get-togethers;
That in spite of living amongst people and rats
They haven’t forgotten how to be cats?

I wonder if the dogs howling at night
Are in fact applauding each other for being so bright;
That in spite of the best efforts by humans to tame them,
Their doggy qualities they have not forgotten.

I see a few smiles, I hear a few laughs.
Is what I am saying so absurd after all?

Do we not so very often hear cries
Of how only in India all religions thrive;
Of how Hindus and Muslims are like brothers,
In spite of those who induce terror;
Of how laudable it is about our country,
That amongst a billion plus people survives humanity?

- Written on 28th December 2006
- Well this is what happens when I see stupid programmes on TV like the stupid person I am ;)

Pneumonic Plight

I sit up all night,
Coughing away all my might,
Struggling to breathe properly,
Craving sleep, craving even a moment of peace.

I wonder how a simple cold
Ballooned into a pneumonic hold.
I feel strangled inside out,
As I feverishly struggle with the lout.

At least I know I will soon be cured.
Even if it is at times death I cheer.
I wonder how other survive,
Those worse off, how do they bear to strive?

I can only salute their spirit
And pray for their strength that they may never desist.


- Written on 28th December 2006
- Well pretty much self explanatory isn’t it? I am suffering from a nice black mood of self pity and martyr syndrome ;)

The Customer

EMI is today’s catch-phrase.
Typically, the middle class have latched onto this craze.
In bygone years people believed in advance payments.
Now, the savvy know there’s more to be gained from installments.
How do I know this?!
Oh! You mean how do I prove this?
Easy! See the matrimonial classifieds:
“Wanted a bride, preferably employed…”
No dowry demands from the educated sophisticate.
Why bother when better returns are assured from a working mate?
The buyers, the sellers, everyone is happy.
Why, there is nary a quarry!
The social workers see no problems
That on Indian tradition there is this modern influence.
Money begets independence I am told,
To speak against this working tradition I am a fool.
But I want to inquire
Do the both sides’ folks get the same share?
Which folks get the most gifts?
Which folks do the couple’s home the most visit?
No dichotomy you say!?
No more dowry, hooray!?
In this age of consumer protection
The girl doesn’t even realize she is the customer – instead she serves!

- Written on 6 December 2006, Wednesday.

Yes! very cynical, very bombastic, very very one-sided but also I think a shade of truth we so easily overlook all the time that perhaps it is time it was highlighted. I am sick of the feminist jargon that does not look beyond asking that girls be given equal opportunity without looking into halving their already existing burdens they pile on more. I am very angry today as you can judge. Blame the holiday that got me seeing a debate on why women should be educated - always for the family's sake (read their husband's burden is halved with them working!) - why don't girls ask how much of house training have prospective grooms undergone when these girls are "professionally qualified" and "preferably employed" why not ask for boys "domestically trained and home loving" whatever the latter terms mean. ;)
chalo maine toh apni dil ki bhadaas nikal di. ab aap ki baari. ;)

Is it Love or Hate?

Is it Sunrise or Sunset?

Is it love for power that leads to terrorism?
Or is it hate of a people, of personal poverty, that leads results in mayhem?
Is it love of a nation that leads to military attacks?
Or is it hate of feeling threatened that results in this mad act?

Is it love for one’s community that leads to caste and race politics?
Or is it hate of losing face that causes us from inclusion to desist?
Is it love for one’s God that leads to riots and ravage?
Or is it hate of the strange, the unknown that results in this carnage?

Is it love for knowledge that leads to better ways?
Or is it hate of helplessness that results in constantly striving to update?
Is it love for money that leads lack of principles?
Or is it hate of powerlessness that results in breaking free of such shackles?

Is it love for a male child that leads to killing a girl baby?
Or is it hate of a sense of burden that results in this deed?
Is it love for a daughter that parents don’t tarry?
Or is it hate of ‘societal disapproval’ that results in forcing them to marry?

Is it love for the children that leads parents to pressurize?
Or is it hate of ‘personal failure’ that makes them so much criticize?
Is it love for one’s parents that them one doesn’t abandon?
Or is it hate of feeling the least bit beholden?

Is it love that makes the world go round?
Or is it hate that results in the merry-go-round?
Two sides of the same coin are Love and Hate.
Yet, we never value both the same.

- Written on October 22, 2006 Sunday.

- In response to A Father’s Appeal I guess. Was definitely written right after. I hate this poem though if I can call it a poem.

A Father’s Appeal

Wrong is Wrong and Right is Right.
If with words you cannot realize
I will show you with might.

Forget Gandhigiri, forget maxims of peace
Of trying to make you see sense lovingly, I am weary.
You must be punished for not following my lead.

What I do, I do for your own good.
You do not realize this now though you should.
To follow your right instincts allow I would,

But, you are still young and know not the world’s ways
So, you must be made to obey.
I cannot allow you any gainsay.

You know I’ve stopped you before.
It wasn’t clipping of wings to stop you soar.
It was only because from life’s pitfalls I didn’t want you sore.

I have only your best interests at heart
To guide you is my loving duty and I am doing my part.
For life’s journey I am gifting you the very best start.

Now no more tears or pleas.
No more lamenting that you want to be free.
At the end of life’s journey, I know you will thank me.

Fine! I give you a choice. How can I deny you?
You must marry the boy I choose
Or else all Hell will break loose.

- Written on 26 October 2006.

- Well read this with a sense of humour guys.
As for why I wrote it i was in a filthy mood. And now I am not. I would never have published this one on this page if not for my friend Dharam. so Dharam on your head be it ;)