Compare me to another…

Compare me to another when I am being lazy
Don’t tell me that my short hair makes me ugly, is against femininity.

Compare me to another when I am being an idiot
Don’t tell me off for vociferously opposing a riot.

Compare me to another when I am mean to someone
Don’t tell me off when fight suppression.

Compare me to another when I overstep boundaries
Don’t tell me off for refusing responsibility for another’s sins.

Compare me to another for being less smart
Don’t tell me off for merely not studying at dawn.

Compare me to another for being less efficient
Don’t tell me off for choosing my own right way of accomplishment.

Compare me to another for being loud and argumentative
Don’t tell me off for not being submissive.

Compare me to another for not being punctual
Don’t tell me off for questioning the reason for performing a ritual.

Compare me to another for lacking comportment
Don’t tell me off for choosing simplicity over adornment.

Compare me to another if I do not have the sportsman's spirit
Don’t tell me off when I play or dance and give it my very best (albeit poor) shot.

Compare me to another if I overspend on a regular base
Don’t tell me off for the odd impulsive purchase.

Compare me to another when I don’t live up to my claim
Don’t tell me off for fulfilling a promise despite the strain.

Compare me to another if I exaggerate my illnesses
Don’t tell me off for even those complaints that I understate.

Compare me to another when I am being insensitive
Don’t tell me off for my alternate perspective.

Compare me to another for my faults
Don’t tell me off for your perceived flaws.

Compare me to another if you must – Consistently
Don’t tell me off and praise me for the same deed, just as you please.

- Written on 21 October 2008.
- A conversation with a cousin triggered me to complete this long past written draft. I just typed in a poem I had in me since my preteen years. A thought I had articulated when in college, but not recorded as I have now.
- I think I thought better then and write worse now :)

After a Long time

Well may you ask why I absented myself for such a long time. That is the truble with me, I am never regular at anything unless rules and regulations accompany it and even then I find my way around these things.

Sharing my thoughts is something I always do, however, writing them down does not seem to be as much fun as reveling in them in my private domain - my thoughts. :)

What have I been upto? Not much. Will I get back to the story of Untouchables? Likely. Now? No. Soon? We will see.

I have an offering here though. A poem. After so many prosaic pieces in prose one boring offering in rhyme.

Here goes:

If I can't be free
In my very own country;
I will free my mind
And soar in the skies high,
And with my intellect will unbind
The shackles that freeze my land in retro time.

My land burns, my people suffer
But with (c)ru(e)lers I cannot my opinions differ.
At every point I've to justify my rationality
I've to prove my patriotism while arguing for a different, improved nationality.

The media - channels and papers - never let up.
In their quest to get one up
I am a source
For them to improve their TRP force.

I can speak up as long as I do not hurt the 'rationalists'
Or I will be branded 'unpatriotic, worse than those terrorists'.
But I can soar in my mind and heart and I will
I will strive to tolerance in these (c)rulers instill.

I do not expect them to change, for I know I will not myself.
I only wish they would give me the space to be my own opinionated self.
I know i am lucky, luckier than most.
At least of my ability to think thus (freely) I can boast.

In this 61st year of Independence I celebrate
The deep-rooted conviction to liberate - to tolerate.

- Written on 28 August 2008.
(I think the Shabana Azmi controvery finally got to me). :)

Memories - Memoirs

There are times when 5 min of a power cut seems like ages and then there are times when a power cut just allows me to revisit old haunts, revision interesting events and rethink my philosophies. I love whiling away hours with just my thoughts for company. I can just loll around the bed or even stare at a wall or TV or comp screen or even a book and take off on tangents in my mind. I fly to distant places and people. Not foreign, not always, but distant. Removed from this time and space by a few years. They may be remembrances or they may be dreamscapes of the future. It is a lot of fun most of the time.



However, because I love my mindscapes and live in them so often, I rarely know for sure if my memories are fact or fiction. I read somewhere that memories often change shape and are fashioned by what we choose to remember. Some of are better at repressing or reshaping memories than others. Hypnosis and many branches of psychiatry work successful on this premise.



Now why am I rambling about memories instead of engaging with them? Well, a friend asked me to jot down memories of our college days. I do not know if I can record them. So this is my way of engaging with the task.

My Art Gallery

Can you see on the wall the tree?
How it dances, how it weaves?

Black has so many shades you know,
It makes you appreciate the colours more.

Darkness needs light to showcase its beauty.
While light needs darkness to shine brightly.

So when the power is cut for an hour or two,
Kickback and enjoy the live art show.

-Written on March 25, 2008
- Yes, yet another power cut, but only for a couple of hours. I enjoyed the trees dancing on the wall. As cars passed by at times there were more colours and shapes changed even. The music of insects humming outside, the swish of cars speeding by, the absolute silence, the peace... it was better than meditation according to me. :)

A Conversation Revisited

I recently attended a talk (interactive session) on ‘Animation and its Role in Society’. Up stands a social analyst and Senior Editor and comments that animations are spoiling the ethos of society and need to first educate mothers, since they park their children in front of cartoons and go about their work. It annoyed me to see so many nods in the audience and amused me to see the flummoxed animator from USA wondering how animations were responsible for poor availability of child care. The following is a record of a conversation I had with this so very concerned individual:

I questioned the veracity of the comment that ‘mothers’ parked their kids in front of TV. I stated that I was sure he meant ‘parents’.

No the mother is the prime care taker and she absconds from this great responsibility by either hiring others (in USA even teenagers!) to do work she should be doing. She does not seem to realize that kids learn values and ethics from their parents.

I remarked that since they (kids) learn values and such from their ‘parents’, perhaps the father too should be involved in the child care and thereby is equally responsible for ‘the deterioration of society’ as is claimed by such an esteemed analyst?

But you do not understand, or more likely refuse to understand, the mother is the primary care taker, all said and done.

Sure, till the child is about 2 at most, if you consider breast feeding etc. Then, anyone can take of the child. Or are men not competent?

Of course, men are competent, but they have to work as well. When do they take care of the child?

What about women? Do they not work? When would they fulfill their obligations?

They have household help for such things. And the market is inundated with appliances for their convenience. Yet, you all crib.

Since appliances do not, as yet, run on their own and subordinates (servants) do need monitoring, women do work as home managers these days and not maids, but nevertheless, they have work! Just as Finance MBAs are not glorified accountants according esteemed people, or that editors do not work less than reporters who actually file stories; so too women do not just have ‘conveniences’ and no responsibilities. ( I was desperately trying to be cool and collected at this point).

See you are veering away from the topic. It began with social responsibility of animations.

No sir, I am very much within the topic. Since gender sensitivity is part and parcel of society and it s needs, attitudes like yours need to be questioned.

See, the fact of the matter is children are not taken care of properly and watch cartoons that do not teach them values adequately. While women may have other responsibilities as well, we need to realize that children are our priority.

When do cartoons get televised in India? I mean on regular channels. And which are the popular timings for cartoons?

Evenings and weekends generally. Which is why I do not understand why children are parked in front of the TV? Now you cannot claim that women are working!

Of course, I can claim that! They are busy with household chores.

Household chores!!!!!! What chores? Everything is done for them.

Ok. Even if I grant this point. And I do agree with you that children should not have been parked in front of the TV and they should have someone entertaining them in other ways.
See. I am right.

Yes. Of course. Why whatever are the men, also at home at this time, doing? When children learn values etc from their parents, why are the fathers not teaching them? They have chores and no priorities???

Well, women have always been the traditional caretakers.

Hmm. Joint families have also been traditional systems. We no longer follow them.

Exactly. Women have broken this system that allowed them to share chores and take care of their children better. And now the poor children are suffering.

Hmm. When the woman is wed she goes to her husband’s place?

Yes. (impatiently)

Mostly, in India at least, if the guy is staying in the same town as his parents, he stays with his parents. Boys always feel this strong responsibility to take care of their parents.
Am I wrong?

No no. Indian children always are dutiful.

In that case, the joint family system is only broken when the guy moves away. His job leads him to new places and the wife goes along with him as is tradition. So the joint family has broken down into a nuclear family only because of guys and not women.

Men need better jobs for their families. (Desperately. Did I mention that this guy’s parents are elder brother and in Latur and he with his nuclear family is in Mumbai due to his job? Well consider it said.)

Of course. But the women have not broken down the system. And the ones responsible for taking away the child rearing support system themselves do nothing to supplement the shortage as peak time for cartoons are exactly when these considerate, family loving group is at home. Ergo, parents, i.e. fathers and mothers, are responsible for any ‘deterioration of society’ and cartoons are not a cause of such. (I look at him for his point).

(I am met with silence. Angry silence. And a refusal to concede verbally, even for now.)

(I rest my case. )

– I am also not satisfied with this dialogue for obvious reasons. I am only butting my head against a people who refuse to grow up and realize that men and women are equal; that men can nurture as well as women and that women can be as personally ambitious as men. Neither choice is wrong, unless it hurts the person concerned. Even family and friends have to recognize this right to choose happiness that does not aim to hurt other people. Personal goals are not wrong, whether they involve being a homemaker or a gardener or a scientist or a business person.
– One cannot be happy in relationships if one is not satisfied with the person one is and the goals one has achieved. Why can’t people understand this instead of forcing down compromises that individuals are not ready for. If someone is going to thank you for your choice 2 years down the line, why force the person to abide by your decision today? In 2 years the concerned individual is going to happily choose your path anyway right? This is the age of second chances. Allow people to take them.
– My parents argue that if a child is committing a mistake, parents of curse must rectify it. True. But to what extent do you correct a child? A child fights with his/her best friend. You advice. You can encourage them to make up. But if they don’t, you leave them be. Other friends will come along. And the child will learn form this mistake to never take anyone else for granted. You force them to interact and you would most probably ruin the friendship. If a child is envious of another person’s achievements, you do not preach envy is a sin; you teach the child to achieve in one or the other field and to take pride in its achievements. The envy will automatically disappear.
– Similarly, with adults. Why force them when you can guide them to voluntarily choosing the path that is ‘correct’ for them? Why force sacrifices? Why not allow them to reorganize priorities at their own speed? Why not respect individuality?
– I am not talking about values or such philosophical things. I am concerned with the right to choose careers or life partners or even what to eat today.

– Written on March 22, 2008.

Modern Times are Coming Around…

“Boys may kindly ‘help’ around, girls do the housework
Of course society has progressed.”
“Guys are such little boys
Their macho needs can be easily humored.
Girls are so mature
Why bother splitting hairs?”
“You, girl, are too controlling
What will you do after the wedding?”
“How dare you, girl, ask a guy who dominates
What he will do if his wife retaliates?”
“Girl, don’t laugh so loud, it’s unbecoming.
Boys hurl abuses to only let off steam”
“Work hard, but don’t be proud.
Humility is a virtue and its own reward.”
“A boy has his pride and it has to be protected,
If he is angry, it is because he is deeply offended.”
“If a girl is out late,
She is a loose character of the worst sort!”
“If it is a boy though, who reaches home late
He is sowing wild oats, don’t snort!”
“Can you believe she ran away,
‘To chase her dreams’? – Such an ingrate.”
“Did you hear he fought with his parents and parted ways?
So independent, wanted to establish himself in his own way.”
“Guys crave adventure
They roam the world over.”
“Girls are steady,
They hold together the family.”
“If not anchored, guys will drift away,
That is why homes and names of girls are changed.”
“Girls adapt to change, by and large.
Take guys away from their hearths and they’ll be lost.”
Hey! These are not my statements.
Guys are equal to gals is the modern opinion.
The above quotes are the traditional view.
I am a modern. How about you?

– Written on March 21, 2008
– The poem is pathetic and fails abysmally in rhyme, structure and anything that defines poetry. However, my thoughts flowed this way and so here it is.
– I have been either reading books and articles, or viewing films, or hearing comments from people that it is so nice that boys these days help around the house. The very same books/films/people also manage to imply that the girl who is not satisfied looking after her hearth and home is a character to be pitied. She will later repent her ambitious choices. I wonder why the same is not said of guys. Why not ask them to seek contentment in compromising professionally to take care of hearth and home? They can and should make such compromises for their parents, for their religion even, and even if they do compromise for their children and/or life partner, it is made clear that they are making a sacrifice to satisfy their conscience and they are thereby great heroes. However, the woman who makes such a compromise is merely one who knows where her priorities lie and it is not as much a sacrifice as it is a rearrangement of plans to gain sublime happiness!!!!!!! Bull shit. I am still in an angry mode.

In response to Comment on MA Education in Hindi

While I agree that English is becoming the medium of communication globally, one must understand that we have in our education system a large section of the society who study in their vernacular. They in fact form the majority of our population. Do we deny them the need to think more theoretically by denying htem access to tertiary texts in their language?

Why is India so obssessed with educating its people in English anyway? So many countries worldwide have highly quaified thinkers and doers who know only their native language and are not conversant with English. However, the world gives them their due space. We translate texts into English French writings or German research or Japanese technologies and herald them as seminal works. These philosophers or researchers could not have possibly written such world wide acknowledged treatises in English. They also could not formulated their thoughts with such clarity and precision if they had been denied tertiary education in their own language.

Yet, in India, where we supposedly respect natie knowledge, we require the encoding of that knowledge to be in English. I think this paritiality exisits for one reason alone - to save costs. You see in our sector we do not want to spend too mch on education. Texts in English are difficult to source in tertiary education and when takes into account the costs of translating the requisite works into other languages and then publish them and distribute them..., why the cost is too prohibtive to imagine. We would rather have fewer articulate thinkers and doers than pay such exhorbitant prices to develop our future. However, since we cannot couch it in such terms, we state that this done so that no one is kept out of the circle of globalisation!!! That these thinkers and doers for whose ultimate benefit education in the vernacular is denied would anyway be kept out of the circle since they are not articulate enough in the new 'world language' is conveniently ignored.

We seem to not realise that language has a huge impact on the mind. There are a few feelings, thoughts that we primarily encode in our first language even if we have been exposed to other languages and have graduated to thinking almost exclusively in a language that is not part of our linguisitc community. The brain thinks pictorially, however, abstractions require to be worded. It is for this reason that children are not assumed to be able to think in the abstract. They who have limited access to language would naturally be not able to articulate their abstract thoughts. It is for this reason that deaf and dumb people were often termed dumb. Their access to any language was delayed and their stages of acquisition are more prolinged than those of a physically enabled child. However, today we recognise that we were the ones blind to the brilliance of some of these physically enabled people and are therefore keen on developing programmes that enable these people to access tertiary education in their own language. Yet, we refuse to extend the argument that language encodes thought and therefore limited access to language will also limit the thinking prowess of so many of our vernacular students.

We must also understand that proficiency in communicative English is not enough to be able to engage in texts that demand higher levels of discourse strategies. This requires fluency in the concerned language and fluency in thinking. The two are so interconnected that the lack in one is assumed to be the lack in the other. Genrally, we ignore the lack of language skills of a student and assume that it is their cognition that is average or below average. We understand, today, the difficulties of a dyslexic person. We understand that the person is merely deficient in picking up langauge skills, but is most likely to have above average intelligence. We are trying to include them in our study programmes. However, the average person who may not be skilled wnough to pick up two or more languages is denied his intelligence, because he is not able to engage with tertiary texts in a lnaguage not his own.

Given today's economic environments, the need to teach others to communicate in English is absolute. However, who decreed that individual research and philosophising must be articulated in English as well? If we look at models of countries that exhibit innovative thinking, we will find that most allow their people to study almost exclusively in their own language. I have met German Profs who speak more 'tukda' (broken) English and even the University peon manages to speak more competently in English. However, these Profs are highly acclaimed thinkers. Communication is achieved and their thoughts are shared with many because they were allowed to articulate in their language and now are improving their skills in the new 'world language' to communicate and not to philosophise or innovate.

Thinking is an extremely individual activity and to ensure that people be highly skilled in English to do manage in higher academia seems to me grossly unfair. At present, it is denying our country the treasures of knowledge encoded in one or the other vernacular. It demoralises an entire task force that is actively seeking recognition for its worth and is denied its rightful place of being considered an equal merely on the grounds of its incompetency in a particular langauge. In the future, I fear we will have lost many many languages. Today, there are many of us who do not know to read and write in mother tongue and have gradually lost our competency in languages like Hindi, which we did know to read and write in, simply because we think exclusively in the language of power - English. I doubt we will emphasise the importance our linguistic ethnicity to the ext generation, if we follow this trend. Even if we do stress that our vernacular be learnt, children most likely will not retain the language as their thoughts would be expressed primarlity in English. When a language is not worthy enough to articulate complex thoughts in and be recognised, then why teach it to children? Let them learn only the language that the world trades in. Let them learn only the English language.

Since languages encode cultures, with the death of languages, our cultures will be lost in the annals of history pages as well. The very structure of a language indicates the world views of its people. a very simple example would be the recognition of an object as masculine or feminine. It clearly encodes the paprameters of what constitutes masculine and what is feminine. While some might say there is all the more reason to switch to one of the most neutrally gendered languages of the world, English; we also would lose the ability to identify other living and non-living entities as equal to human life. The rules for the placement of an adjective before or after a noun is another example of structured world views. Does a particular linguistic community give more credence to a person, place etc., or is the description more valued? How important is abstraction to an average user of the language? Does a particular language allow for a more epigrammatic style of expression than another? Some languages follow more elaborate grammar rules than others indicating a highly evolved structure of governance within that community. Some tribal languages, for example, have fewer grammatical rules and their governance structure is also fairly primitive and simple. The examples I hve given are extremely basic and there are actually many more nuances to studying the realtionships between langauge, mind and society. However, I am sure you get my point about the importance of a language to any ethnic community.

In a world that is busy rediscovering its past to recover its future, we seem to be in a mighty hurry to erase our past that we have held on to for so long. Do we really want the death of our languages?

MA Courses in Regional languages?

Well I am not sure what I wish to write. I have so many ideas buzzing in my head.

Meeting wonderful people at Seminars and Academic Meetings and Workshops is exhilarating and yet intimidating for I always come away with a sense of awe that I was lucky enough to be able to interact with such esteemed dignataries who are revered the world over for their knowledge in their fields and also a feeling of beig totally unworthy of the luck and a questioning of ability to sustain any kind of dialogue with these learned geniuses and activists for a longer period.

I came across so many young people who are so active in NGO operations that I feel ashamed of my puny efforts. Here are people with the conviction to act on their beliefs, no matter how much it costs them personally. I admire them. I wish I could be more dedicated than I am.

In our meeting, we discussed the value of organising the MA Education Programme in Hindi medium as well. There were stong proponents and opponents. A major concern was that with the increasing impact of globalisation English is fast gaining precedence over other languages and so for the students professional prospects, it would be better to guide them to only English programmes and help them learn better English. A valid point that got raised was that are we running a course to coach PG students in Education or English? What do you think guys, should PG programmes be conducted exclusivley in English and not in regional languages?

Furthermore, translation of English academic texts into Hindi seemed to be a major obstacle. Apparently, the dearth of competent translators is a mjor concern. However, I firmly believe that one has to start somehwere. In fields like education and other social science related subjects like disaster management, course should be conducted in regional languages. There are so many out there who do ground work who are not ocncerned about transacting in English or any other language since most of their work never progresses beyond the state level, if it at all passes the district level. Indeed, to be effective, NGOs and other organisations have to ave personnel who can communicate in the local language. So which is in the position of power when it concerns language - English or the regional dialect?

Additionally, with the availibility of academic texts in their languages, activists will be able to encode their rich experience and vast knowledge of grassroot reality in a language that will make people sit up and take notice. Translation will not remain a one way medium that involves only translating material from English into regional languages, the reverse flow will occur as well. This can only be an enriching process for all concerned.

A pertinent question raised was - are to allow our languages to die and force people engaging with a local dialect to articulate themseles in English, simply because it is easier to keep track of one language or because it is difficult to find competent translators and such? When so many countries refuse to engage with English academia and continue their tertiary displinary learnings in their native language, why do we persist with the colonial hangover?

Don;t get me wrong. If regional dialects come into play in the academic field, I will lose out the most, since my primary language has evolved to be English. Yet, I cannot but endorse the promotion of tertiary education in regional languages as true spreading of education. Education and not literacy, which is only what we will achieve if we try to force information only in English in our efforts to empower people in the name of education.

Do write me in your comments.

Method 1

Well my poems I have decidedto keep them off this blog for the time being as most are too personal and then I end up defending myself or clarifying my feelings. Most people do not seem to understand that it was a moment in time that I have recorded and not my whol ephilosophy of life!!!!!!!!

So you are stuck with my rambling prose pieces if you are checking this blog. So what is it that I ramble about today? Well old topics in a new bottle work mighty well for me. So here goes.

I was thinking of getting my students to perform skits in class. Impromptu ones, where I give each a role to adhere to and they improvise as they are performing. Except that the information I would give to each roleplayer might be contradictory. For example, I tell student A that she was interested in purchasing a state-of-art laptop for her tech crazy kid brother and the she should be asking the salesperson loads of uestions in order to make up her mind between two models, I tell student B that this customer is wasting the time of your juniors by haranguing them for details of some product or the other and then not purchasing it and that this has been goin on for more than a week and that Student B needs to be firm with the customer. Given these roles the students have to adhere to them and develop their dialogues while they are interacting with the other roleplayer.

While the roleplay was fun and they had to polish their language skills as well in the course of this activity (the objective of the activity is language enhancement), I realised that this activity can get out-of-hand for students aged 17-19 and especially in a mixed group. It worked really well with my TISS students who are more mature, but these kids seem to be more involved in how rude the other person was or how weak instead of focussing on the role given to them. Too many clashes led me to cancel this activity in this particular class.

I did have fun while it lasted, but the after class tension was actually firing the class rivalry system. I was there to promote communication efficiency and not develop exisiting tensions. The post class conselling for mitigating rival faction problems was too exhausting. I do not know if this makes me a poor teacher who is not interested in trying to work out solutions for the class. It is just that there are so many other activities that were easier to introduce to the clas to enhance their language skills that I did away with this one. Yet, a doubt lingers. Did I give up too easily? Should I have continued the activity and hoped that students would learn to interact better even in conflicting situations?

I don't know if I gave up too easily this time. I do know that my class runs more smoothly and I have less post class complaints about how students are teasing a particular roleplayer. I also know that next year I am going to introduce this very same activity to another batch and hope I would have learnt from my mistakes and improve students' communication skills and teach them the art of negotiating not through case studies but though their own situations.

If you guys have any ideas, please do let me know.

I love this life

Well many would be surprised. I usually live the good life and crib about the bad life :)

So what have I been upto huh? Well a lot of things actually.

I learnt a lot about apertures and zoom lens and linear editing and non linear editing and ENG and script writing and what not. I also learnt to teach using the LCD as a primary resource. I learnt you can shout at your students and cough a lot and the coughing is more effective in getting them to jump to do your bidding.

I learnt that watching movies - 6 a day at times can be very tough, especially, if you are also battling a bout of bronchitis.

I learnt that watching your friends on TV is not 1/1000th as good as hugging them in person. I got many of my friends to accept that facebook and orkut be damned, meeting your friends on the road is way more exciting and makes you feel way more connected. I learnt that when you do meet your friends you are not the least interested in harping on that point, you just wanna hug them and talk to them. I learnt that friends arriving to pick you up to get to Khala Ghoda festival and then dropping you home make you feel that this life is the best life there is. I learnt that seeing 29 year olds enjoy making a pot of clay is more exhilirating than all the movies and books in the world.

I learnt that teachers retiring - (this academic year made me realise there were quite a few Independence year babies in the academic world I inhabit) - anyway, I learnt that teachers retiring means that a a new chapter has begun, not that the book's conclusion has been reached. I learnt that these so-called retirees had more zest left in them than most of us applauding them.

I learnt that I could actually singlehandedly feed a cabbie his daily wages as I travelled from home to college 1, then rushed to college 2, proceeded to college 3 and then 4 and then with a brief stopover in the library trudged back home in a cab or auto, too tired to fight the hordes on the more public tranport systems like buses and trains. That I also lugged chunks of assignments that students handed me and managed to correct them in the taxi is but a corollary. I also learnt that trians are fast and cheap and the IRTC food is not half bad when I am famished.

I learnt that Mumbai could get as cold as Delhi. Colder even. I learnt that I could still make it to the 7a.m. lecture and what is more students made it as well!!!!!!!!! I learnt that doctors are human and they can leave your bronchitis untreated if you do not raise a hue and cry and it almost develops into pneumonia (again).

I learnt that students are often much more clever than you give them credit for and you need to push them to stretch their limits which means you need to stretch yours and for me that was a lot of sweat. I learnt that many of friends were involved in organisations that I had never heard of, but all sound so exciting that my head is still reeling from trying to decide which one I can dedicate my time to. I learnt that it is damn easy to get on the executive committee of certain groups. I should know, having been inducted in one.

I have learnt that I am not bad at liasoning have ing found people for 15 or more jobs. I have also learnt that my mobile company can squeeze more than 300 bucks per month from me. Said liasoning has led me to pay nearly double that. Furthermore, I have learnt that people take me for granted now and expect me to have miracles under wraps just awaiting their call. Calling them back, aplologising is another thing I have learnt. I additionally learnt that people are very sweet and are very quick to forgive me.

I have also learnt that I have this uncanny ability to put on kilos whenever I take antibiotics and that means I have added on oodles to my preexisiting oodles. I have learnt that it makes no difference to those who see me everyday and those that see me never. As for the rest, I have learnt to say - 'Dem don't matter' ;) I have relearnt that cooking is still a pain and that stitching more so and shopping the worst by far. I have learnt that books are getting expensive and so is travel but film festivals are galore and are free of cost. I have also learnt that cousins are good for things more than irritating you by pushing you to better yourselves. They actually publish blogs, which are free of cost, and provide great reading (and looking) material forcing you to look at the everyday life with a fresh perspective and making you take off on tangents thereby ensuring your constant entertainment. (For reference read Easwar's blog).

I have learnt that when people come visit you they actually do come to visit you and not your not so clean home. I have learnt that redoing your bathroom (getting it redone actually) is a royal pain. I have learnt that kabbadiwallas may not accept your loft things - that is how outdated my family can be.

I have learnt that using the scanner can be a pleasure, even when you have scanned a book of 200 pages and just when processing the 200th page your solution centre pops a message that there is some error and your file cannot be saved.

I have learnt that sooner than later your friends from different circles seem to meet each other without you around to facilitate the meeting making you wonder what your purpose in this world is. I have learnt that humility is a virtue that I sorely lack, but false (actually even true) confidence is a vice that I don't possess in abundance either.

I have learnt that learning is going to be lifelong process, especially if I keep having to relearn things I have already learnt.

I have learnt that there is actually some blessed soul on this earth who read through this rambling.

Blogging after a long long time

Hey Folks!
My cousin, a while back was chastising me (AGAIN!!!!!! ) for not being regular enuff at posting my thoughts.

I offered him many many excuses ofcourse. It just that it is a tad difficult to sound convincing when you know he works much much harder than you and for longer hours, yet manages to post regularly not on one but two blogs!!!!! Furthermore, he manages to chat with you, respond to your emails, is in touch with friends, sightsees, helps out galores... well, perhaps, I should have just pleaded 'intimidated'. Except that I am not that either. Takes too much energy to be remain intimidated for long.

So why do not blog regularly? Especially when I ideate so often. I even write on scraps of paper- a lot of crap. How much time could it possibly take to type a few of them down? I seem to have no qualms remarking on various things and people. Why not just post them? Some of my mails, that go on and on much to my friends' disgust could have been posted, especially, since the said friends never would make the mistake of revisiting my page.

So why have I been so lackadaisal? Well I have to be honest, Easwar. Plain and simple laziness. I just can't think of any other reason that sounds reasonable enuff. Of course my net was not working and I was saving download bytes but other than that - sheer laziness. You will just have to live with that and be happy that I comment on your blog at times. Other than you most of my other online treasures are not as prompt. Give me a lot of company, they do. Will try and post a few more thoughts.

Yours lazily,
:)

Overshot Budget lament

Once again I goofed up,
What I was to save I blew up.
On what you may well ask,
Well travelling was the main evil cause.
Autos and taxis and buses even
Ate away even my pocket linen.
This month's budget is shot
Rains why do you cause such havoc?
Traffic snarls and feverish cold
Add a spendthrift and voila! A budget hole.

All I can hope for is loads of paper correction
For library fees are out, so what do I do for entertainment?
To think that I felt 3000 was a big enough amount
And then exceeded it before the month was out!
Next month will see my kanjoosigiri's new heights
But hopefully, the very next month I can buy what I sight.

Oh! for sticking to the budget
Don't SMS or talk on the cell so much.
Stay away from Baristas and Mac's
And meet friends at each other's homes.
Do not go book hunting with your pockets full
And do NOT reward students howmuchever they struggle.
And NEVER, never go to your college on teacher's day
Those self made cards and the small treats, they all eat into your pay.
Oh! and don't ever fall ill
The worse of the lot is the doctor's bill.

Yet, I cannot regret my spendthrift ways
I know I will pen similar sagas till doomsday.
The paraphrased lines of an advert that I like best
The moment's pleasure - "priceless."

-Written on 28th September 2007

- Well, exaggerated a bit. i can manage the money but I am still annoyed with myself for overshooting my budget. And I had actually increased it for this month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Well you live and I don't learn :))))))))))))))))

Fear Mood

The late nights are getting to me,
As I lie awake waiting for sleep.
I am filled with so many fears,
I worry till my eyes let out my tears.

I know not for what reason I ache,
Why suddenly I am lying awake.
So many times have I failed,
Should I not be now used to the pace?

Yet, I am haunted by vague visions,
That sinister like taunt my ambitions.
I feel I am choking.
I wish I could stop thinking.

But my thoughts don’t seem to take a break.
Even though they are nonsense, I am swayed.
Moods are such a pain, are they not?
They seem to win always, no matter how hard you fought.

I await the time when I can recuperate,
I wonder how and when I will rejuvenate.
Tears seep out, fears cry out,
I yearn for peace or the ability to fade out


- Written on August 26, 2007
- Sitting in front of the comp at 12:30 a.m.
- Pretty self-explanatory. I don’t why I am so filled with fear all of a sudden. But I often go through these phases. I also feel angry most times if I have energy to spare. Right now I do not.
- Hope the mood shifts soon.

Remembering Patti

I remember

The times you took me to dance class at 9:30
The times you made me by heart till 30 times 30
The times you beat me at skipping and badminton and TT
The times you pushed me to relish whatever I was to eat
The times you served me my favorite savories with tea
The times you made keeraimashiayal or some other less liked curry
The times you told stories of people I may, unfortunately, never know
The times you pinched me, for reasons I always felt were hollow
The times you ordered me to follow customs and traditions
The times you graciously bowed before my superior arguments
The times you humbled me with your thirst for knowledge
The times you awed me with your unstinting courage
The times you horrified me with your penchant for hard work and your dedication
The times you terrorized me with your demands for perfection
The times you exercised even if you retired late at night
The times you never shut me up if it was only your brains I fried
The times you would listen to, and abide by, what I had to say
The times you would do the contrary and then expect me to obey!
The times you allowed me my freedom of expression
The times when you hurt me with your criticism
The times of working and the fun and games
The times of scolding and (mostly faint) praise.

I remember
All the times of mutual exasperation
All the times of mutual affection

I remember and I write this rhyme
As I realize that you are lost to me in real time.
But you live on Patti
In my memory.

I know my memories of you are different
From those of your other grandchildren.
I am proud that I knew you separately, uniquely.
I hope I live up to the good qualities you inspired in me.

I wish you peace and happiness in your new journey.
I want you to know that your memory will be cherished by so many.


- Written on 23 August 2007
- My grandmother expired yesterday.
- It came to me in the middle of the night as thoughts, memories flashed past my closed eyes.
- I do not regret that she died. I know she would have wished it herself. I am glad her eyes could be donated. I am sure she would have haunted us if not. She had a strong social conscience that were at times not in step with the times we inhabited.
- There were so many times I have fought with her, hated her even. But so many other times when I have admired her. Her dedication to causes, even if I considered them lost, was admirable. Her unquenchable thirst for knowledge and her rather intimidating enthusiasm for hard work are qualities that I have always admired even if the latter is something I do not even wish to emulate. :)

- For Patti

I wish you, Patti, a new journey
That, too, allows you your cherished dignity
I wish you people who might obey
And follow what you ardently feel is the right way.
But hold your glee, for there might be
Some who remind you of me.

On Pallavi

I spoke, today, with a little girl of eight,
So verbose, so affectionate.
Why the Harry Potter book and not the movie,
Why dance lessons while enjoyable are tiring.
Why music classes are so much fun,
With games of Hide-and-Seek and Magician.
Knows no strangers, this child who reasons.
I am yet to meet a child more winsome.
Rightly so, she has a long list of friends
Their varied interests make her more exuberant.
Reading she loves and her vast collection gives her pride
Her mother’s accusation of glancing through pages, she loudly decries.
Without hesitation she bursts into a song requested,
Ingenuously, she guides you along the path she’s charted.
By a mere child, I am humbled again,
Strangely grand are God’s ways.


- Written on August 15, 2007

- A conversation with Pallavi, a cousin’s child, led me to articulate what I have oft thought when meeting kids. God/Life/ some superior power/ energy force makes us realize that we have lost more than we have gained in terms of innocence and faith, hope and mercy, as we traverse through life in the guise of the more evolved version of humans – an adult.
- I wondered how I would speak with her, what could I talk about. She left my concerns in the dust. The girl held my hand and gently led me along. The sighted leading the blind. And a better guide I couldn’t have asked for.
- I am constantly surprised by children’s rationale. And know what? They often make more sense than the adults around them. She is a darling child, this one. But hey, that is what kids are most times, right? I hope adulthood never befalls them – or if it does then only in the best of spirits.
- Thank you all kids in my life, (since Karthik, before that I was a kid myself). Thank you for constantly educating me.

Incessant Rain

The rains are lashing everything in their way
We haven’t seen the sun for days.
Water is refreshing, I cannot deny
But moderation is surely required?
How can the earth absorb such a drenching,
As the heavens pour constantly?
Usually a pleasant sight, the trees swaying,
Today, brings with it dread of their falling.
The water levels rising should not concern
Those cocooned safely in their home.
But even here, the rains get flak,
Clothes do not dry, walls turn green and black.
Every surface is coated with such grime
That even wet wipes cannot make them shine.
Cleaning takes ever so long and seems so pointless
Everything is so dull, so lifeless.
Will it ever stop this incessant rain?
All it brings now is fear of suffering, of pain.

- Written on 5 August 2007
- It has been raining constantly for more than a week. I cannot go to Kalina library for fear of getting stuck in the lower lying area. And I have the usual rain wrought maladies. Need I say more?

Academics Ex

Recently I got into a debate with an uncle of mine about the value of academics for this generation. He felt that the upcoming crop of talent show winners are very young and need to be encouraged to complete their studies before they enter any professional field. I have a different view from his.

I opine that the world of academics is not one that is necessarily the right one for all. That getting a degree need not guarantee one a better frame of mind and better tools of trade with which we can succeed in this world. Endorsing formal education is an outdated concept and the status we accord individuals with a long list of degrees only on the basis of the degrees is not the attitude I would like to be encouraged.

I am pursuing my M.Phil. I wonder if this should automatically accord me status. Do you really think that just because I am actively pursuing higher and higher studies I am noteworthy? We associate qualities of intelligence, hard work and determination with people successful in the world of academia. I know for a fact that this is not true in many cases. Often it is a case of not knowing anything better to do, a knack for rote learning and/or favourable circumstances that accompany such individuals. When I compare my own efforts to those who use their common sense to solve our problems, who use native intelligence to start flourishing businesses or those unqualified individuals who with kindness and empathy help others, my questionable accomplishments pale into insignificance.

Education is supposed to broaden one's horizons but all too often highly qualified individuals are too limited in their thinking. It is quite often a case of a big fish in a small pond versus a small fish in an ocean. I am not too sure that the big fish option is one that I would recommend, especially in this day and age of globalisation.

I work with a few others in helping those students who are termed weak because they are unable to cope with the medium of instruction - English. In the process I also come across students who are weak academically. These students are bright. They have solutions for problems that are practical. Their concepts are clearer and more grounded in realities and take into consideration the financial aspects. At TISS, these are the students who are often identified as the ones with true potential. But they might not make it into the academic limelight just because they often drop out due to the pressures of the narrow minded academia. But their strength of mind and their dedication is such that rise they will and help others in the process.

A number of my friends are in media (includes acting). I know that a number of business opportunities present themselves in this field and that quite a number of them venture into lesser heard avenues. Setting up or being involved in production houses, recording studios, security services, rental agencies, boutiques, restaurants, event management companies, PR agencies, etc are a few of the lanes that we hear of so often. We need to teach the upcoming winners of various talent shows to recognise such opportunities and to use them to their advantage.

In India, we have a dearth of continuing education classes that will cater to individuals who would like to broaden their horizons and venture into unconventional streams. Our business administration course are sadly lacking at the lower levels. How many of us would really want to do an MBA in finance? But how many of us do wish to know more about the world of finance so that we are better equipped safeguard our interests? How many courses do you know of that can cater to this need? If we are lucky enough to know someone who will share their knowledge fine, otherwise we are left to find our way through the wilderness of the Internet and that is even more confusing than not knowing anything. I know that the academic world feels that such courses are not very necessary as they are not 'professional' courses. Eclectic learning is something they cannot fathom. Gaining basic knowledge in various practical courses is something our society does not respect. We would rather have professional specialists to look up to.

There is a popular saying that experience is the best teacher. Obviously, IT companies go by this maxim. The number of non engineering, indeed non science students they induct is increasing day by day. In fact, arts and commerce students are seen to be outshining the traditionally looked up to individuals from the science field in this industry. A glaring example of a degree not being so important in this world is the number of hackers being invited to be on the pay roll of so many programme developing companies. Many of these hackers who defeat the programmes of academically qualified professionals are mere students. What use academia then?

I don't think it is right that we are still promoting conventional academics as the right path to adopt. If students who are not academically inclined are forced to continue in this line we are losing valuable talent. Let us not be so bowled over by academic qualifications that we forget that some of the most notable achievements have been accomplished by people that the academia spurned initially. I name Einstein and Bill Gates as oft quoted examples but there are so many more success stories.

We value academics so much. But does academics really contribute so much to the world? We rush to a specialist for snake bite when a 6 year old tribal can easily prescribe an antidotal remedy with more chances of success. We have a blot like Gujarat politics on our conscience in spite of the fact that we have an eminently qualified Prime Minister and a very highly qualified President! We cry foul against the Indian label being tagged on to the London Bomb blast suspects and conveniently forget the acts of terrorism being perpetuated in our country. The aiding and abetting of terror by the Government of Gujarat is one example. It has become so easy to hold to ransom the public. What use academia when an award winning student is dismissed because his painting is such that narrow minded bigots cannot envision? For making token protests?

Don't get me wrong. As a student and as a teacher I value education a lot. It is only that we get too easily awestruck by people who hold high degrees. We attribute to them qualities and powers that they might never possess. We look down on those with lesser qualifications, though they might be more talented. We show off the names of the colleges we attended like we were given admittance to the pearly gates of heaven. I admit that heaven would be easier to get into than some of our colleges, but let us not overdo the importance. Shining in academics need not translate into shining in the day-to-day grind we call life or vice versa. Academics is not always the right option for all.

When intelligent youngsters of this generation rebel against a system of rote learning of outdated concepts and impractical fields how can I not applaud them? When they go about blazing trails for the next generation to follow how can I not encourage them? Sure there are failures. But hey! After seeing so many suicide cases when academic results are announced we sure can't deride the attempts of trail blazers. I understand that a high standard of living and fame is what motivates a lot of the talent show contestants but isn't that exactly why we harp about getting a good education? Are our motives in encouraging children to shine in academia concerned with their mental growth alone? We guide them to 'professional' disciplines and then dare criticise the children who are so honest about their dreams! As for emotional maturity, sure there are participants who reak down because they can't hack it, but then the 10th and 12th Std. results also lead to so many depressed individuals that we cannot state that academia is the better option or even a safer one.

I wish our society can move beyond the conventional. I wish our education system could better cater to individuals with wider interests than the previous generation. But as long as these wishes are not fulfilled I can only applaud those with the courage to dream and go after their dreams without worrying about society's expectations. Society, they well know, will applaud success be it accompanied by a degree or not. After all we have our Laloo Prasad Yadav.

-Written on 7 July 2007

- Would love to hear from you guys. This one too just wrote itself out. will have to read it later to gain perspective.

- As for the title it is play on work ex as in experience vs. ex - as in out

Water logging in Mumbai

In the face of all the damage that the rain gods are wrecking in Gujarat this article is blatantly self centered. I am a Mumbaite/Mimbaikar and I am affected more immediately by the problems faced here.

News channels have inundated us with images of the water logged state of Mumbai - India's answer to Shangai. Well, I don't think the situation is going to improve much in the future. Today's edition of TOI had good articles on water logging measures that can be taken in the immediate future.

I think it is time citizens woke up to their duty as well. We merrily use plastic bags and Bisleri bottles like there is no tomorrow and when tomorrow comes, we crib. Newspapers start blaming BMC when the rain water doesn't drain away due to clogged systems and then publish pictures, but why don't they wake up, as well, from November or whenever they expect BMC to be on its toes? Why do we persist in throwing garbage out of train and bus windows and not complain vociferously when the kachra overflows outdated garbage dumps on our street corners? Till we improve there is going to be no improvement.

I remember a Mumbai where people like Nana Patekar would clean the place outside their homes and ensure that the nullahs around were clean. He would clean the nullah outside his house before and after Ganesh Chaturthi. How many us do that still? We wait for BMC workers to do such work. Of course, Preity Zinta does her annual drive.

It is pathetic. I know I have not cleaned my street in more than 10 years. I was in school when last I did some brooming and then too it was just pretty street brooming. That meant we swept the dirt into the side gutter. I can't blame the BMC then. There are these cleaning drives that we join josh mein and then forget hosh mein. Then accurse others with dosh. Not fair.

I know that BMC workers have a job to do that they have not even begun but let us please not forget that it was the people of Mumbai who eraned it its reputation not the BMC. Everyone pitched in as required to build a better place. We have, I think, grown too complacent in our middle class values and in our aspirations to white collar work.

Before we ask that the Government give us our Shangai let us honestly answer the question of whether we are worthy of it. Are we? We who can't be bothered to even segregate our garbage in our homes, use CFC instead of bulbs, continue to use plastic, continue to throw garbage on the streets, and continue to turn a blind eye to incompetent authorities till we suffer the consequences.

Sorry, got on too high and long a soap box.

-Written on 3rd july 2007

In response to a casual comment by Deba in a mail.

The City that Never sleeps

In the city that never sleeps
There is now induced inactivity.
Power cuts that for 20 hours and more last
Force you to plot your escape fast.
In this city renowned for honesty
Is invoked a courtesy policy.
Work has lost its priority
But you will hear "I am very sorry".
You can make calls umpteen
"As soon as possible" will be their theme.
But pray define 'soon' for me
What I learnt in school is outdated you see.
Valuable lessons I have learnt in these past hours
That courtesy is worth pittance if results are barred.

- Written on 25th June 2007
-Self explanatory. We had a power cut from 5:45pm last evening that lasted till 2 pm today affecting supply of water as well. But Know what? I still am not as gloomy as i sound in this poem. More later. ;)

One last time…

Oh! Just one last time will you not accompany me?
Oh! Just one more time will you not journey?
So many times you were my sanctuary,
The one who stored so many of my treats.
You were with me on all my trips,
You helped me through the hardest bits.
You held my hand as I looked around,
Searching for a comforting sight or sound.
Your open arms so often sheltered me
As I wept away my unreasonable misery.
Books or kerchiefs or pens and pencils or some trick,
Anything I wanted, you produced like magic.
In airports, in stations, in buses, on roads
Or in others’ homes, you were never a load.
I came to you only when in need,
But you never ever grudged at me
I never knew
How much I relied on you.
Till now, when I know,
You will not be with me on the road
I feel so disheartened, so lonesome,
Without my home away from home.
This time when I foray again
I will not have my trustworthy suitcase.

- Written on 13th May 2007
- Self-explanatory. My suitcase that has been with me for the past 16 years serving first me and my brother and then only me has breathed its last breath of service and even as I struggle to bid it a decent adieu I have to search for a replacement and that is so hard in this age where you get anything and everything but what you are used to.

A Pail’s Reminiscence

Soapy water runs down your hand
Suds sparkle on the grills and glass.
The sun showers its warm rays in greeting
The cool breeze makes it refreshing.
You are humming some song,
Making up as you go along.
As your brother brings you water
He groans, ‘It’s too early for this torture.’
You turn. You are smiling.
Then soapy suds at him are flying.
They don’t reach him but he yells.
He shakes the stool and you are at ground level.
You catch him for balance
You have marked him. Perfect revenge.
As windows and grills are getting cleaned
A splash fight begins with glee.
Your mom warns you to stop horsing
As you splash her lightly she is quietly laughing.
Drops of water have captured the sunbeams
The rainbow dances set alight the balcony.
You turn back to your job. You are singing.
I think ‘What a beautiful morning…’


- Hastily scribbled today morning (9th May 2007) over a cuppa.
- Yes, I do windows. ;0 In fact this was written the fact after.
- And Nilu, this is one of the many chores my mom was screaming at me for, not you thought whatnot ;)
- And for reference purposes my brother politest expression when I sing is disdain. I suck I admit. The poor pail. No wonder it was always full ;))

Why Reservation……..

Well, I know I am being contradictory. But try as I might I can’t find an alternative route to reservation. If you could tell me one I would be obliged. The SC/ST/OBC quotas are inciting what seems to be everyone’s ire. It is worth it (in hard cash) to be able to come up with a pragmatic solution.

Yes, there should ideally be no quotas given to a section of society that is not marginal, if political vote banks are anything to go by. Why then are they being given such preferential treatment and why are they allowed into hallowed halls of tertiary education when they obviously cannot compete at par with the merit students. Is this where we are leading our country to? These and such are the questions posed by many anguished educated (and incidentally mostly “higher caste”) citizens of our country. Don’t arrive at wrong conclusions, they are not against the upliftment of the oppressed sections. It is just that they feel that in this day and age the oppressed sections are the economically backward classes (EBCs – to which again, incidentally, quite a few “higher caste” people do belong). That many of the SC/ST/OBCs belong to this more acceptable basis for reservation is of course also incidental. Right?

I look at both points of views, the pros and cons of reservation for OBCs and SCs and STs and EBCs and wonder where we are heading. The reservation bill for women too caused angst among so many including some feminist groups. Why is reservation a new word no longer fit to be mentioned in a truly civilized society?

Do we think that in the land where encounter killings are not just sanctioned but encouraged by governments for the pettiest of reasons deeply rooted in prejudice we are all civilized? Do we think that in the land where despite so many feminist groups, so many pro women laws we still have millions of cases of atrocities against women we are all civilized? Do we think that in a land that is peopled by deeply religious believers of children being the blessings of God , where we worship Goddesses as the Almighty, but where we still have multitude cases of child labor, of female infanticide we are civilized? Do we think that in the land that hails the Mahatma as the Father of the Nation and that proudly touts its copyrighted version of Ahimsa, yet where a Dalit would be killed for daring to drill his own well in a village, where we should be as ashamed of present day socio-political Gujarat as we hope to shame Pakistan or the USA for their atrocities, we are civilized? Please somebody explain the Indian concept of civilization to me.

Women came into power by being promoted to positions of rank by sympathetic people who believed in equality. So many women protest that this kind of reservation is merely a symbolic gesture empty of meaning. It is like doing Lakshmi Pooja and worshipping the women of the family for one day and going back to exploiting them the rest of the year. I doubt if the majority of the people following this custom are even aware of the hypocrisy they practice. They are not even aware of their practices as being condemned as exploitative. The historical-cultural- psychological burden carried by the women as they try to march toward equality has been documented so many times. Do we think that any oppressed section of society suffers less?

‘The worst enemy of a woman is another woman.’ It is a saying that I have heard so many times. I will not get into the debate of the whys and wherefores. I will extend this argument. I do strongly believe that the worst enemy of any oppressed section is another party with that same section, i.e., the worst enemy of an SC/ST/OBC is another SC/ST/OBC. The worst enemy of an Indian is another Indian. The worst enemy of oneself is also oneself. Sounds familiar? Of course it is what most religious and spiritual texts preach. If you want science to give its stamp of approval to this doctrine then psychology and even biology with its genetic explanations of why we suffer from various illnesses will attest to it.

So what is the solution? What do we do? Is there no end to this ongoing debate? Are the “higher castes” of today to be persecuted for the ills of their ancestors? Do we punish present day Germans for the atrocities that their forefathers committed? Do we punish men en masse for the crimes that have been committed against women? Is reservation for the “oppressed” sections of society a punishment for the “unoppressed” but formerly oppressive sections?

I wonder, were women always as savvy as they are today? Were they able to handle the pressures of working outside as they are today? Were they as respected to take sensible decisions as they are today? Were they deemed as capable of being engineers or doctors or lawyers or even teachers as they are today? Did they not fight persecution, prejudice? Did they not make mistakes? Did they not stumble and even give up in some cases? Did they not eliminate their ‘femininity’ in some cases to be accepted? Were they not reviled? Here too, were not the economically privileged better off in acquiring more privileges? And did not the social revolution slowly but surely come about? Was it not, at least in India, Indira Gandhi as our Prime Minister who did more to convince the downtrodden of the value of women as a working segment than any other feminist group? Was Indira Gandhi not a symbol initially? Was it not later that she came into her own?

Every case in history, every success story, talks of oppression faced by heroes and heroines. They were challenged, castigated, suppressed and/or victimized as they struggled to march to the beat of their own drummer. We hear of them today and salute them, be they Bill Gates or Abdul Kalam or Einstein or Dalai Lama or Medha Patkar or Taslima Nasrin. Why then do we persist in seeing the failures within our system? Surely for every success story we hear of, the public figures, there are many more who started their journey but gave up? If we truly salute the spirit and not merely the success then shouldn’t we also applaud briefly the failures for daring to try? If we should, then why are we so against the people who will try to rise through an avenue they are trying to create? Why are we so against reservation?

Are we against reservation per se or against politicians using these policies for their own nefarious purposes? Is that what we are afraid of? Then why not decry as loudly and for as long the political decisions that are affecting the security and economy of the country (the sanctioned riots/encounters/ bandhs) or the education system of the country (other than reservation, we do have issues like improvement of facilities, payscale for teachers etc.) and so on? Why do we agitate about select issues when each of us is bound to all issues? I see no 'morchas', no protests, no wide scale demonstrations for environmental protection. In spite of the fact that the global warming will cause us all to suffer even more within the next decade we are not agitating. When there is such a hue and cry due to power shortages I see no mass campaigns for alternative solutions. I see no one promoting solar energy as a source for locally harvesting power to facilitate our mechanical lives. We deem in these cases that it is a political decision that must have the final avowal.

Ultimately, then, we are apathetic to our surroundings. We are concerned about earning power to which tertiary education at prestigious institutions is linked. We are not concerned with how we live but our status. We talk of the quality of life but I see very few campaigners for this facet. I have no recourse but to opine that the reservation for oppressed sections might be even more stringently opposed to than the reservation for women because we see the money going to other sections of the community. After all, if the women earn it is still the same community that they are contributing to. In short, they are still the community’s property. I wonder if this is not another cause for a protest march.

I wonder if we will ever face ground realities instead of being ensconced behind a computer. Because like it or not the ones behind a computer are fewer in number to the ones with no water, no money, no opportunity and yet the minority rules. Now isn’t that just like India? When will our situation improve? I think only if we are able to stake a majority government. When we give voice to those who listen to us. Till then Jiyo segmentation. Jiyo mere symbolic reservations. Jiyo agitations. Jiyo pessimism. Jiyo depression.

If we, “the educated”, “the civilized”, “the sensible”, “the true visionaries of the nation”, are truly so many in numbers and are united in our goals I wonder why we manage to elect a diverse range of politicians to represent us at the highest echelon of our realm. Are we then the majority? Or are we then not as united as we like to proclaim? Are we our own worst enemy?

As for the reservation issue, you didn’t truly think I had any answers, did you? ;)


- Written on 7th May 2007.

A Conversation Recorded

Oh no! Not again! Oh! Here it goes. Well Ok. Anusha, stay calm, it was your fault. Get the lecture over with. Do not, absolutely do not back answer. No. NO!! Do not back answer. Do not make faces even. No excuses. They will not be considered. You know the drill. Do not murmur to yourself. Yes, you did not mean to do anything wrong but it was your fault nevertheless. Be a man. That is not being chauvinistic for God’s sake. That is just an expression. Listen girl, I am the only friend you have right now. Don’t you start cross questioning me too. Just listen to the lecture girl. Don’t let your attention wander like this. People shouting at you like to know you are listening to their efforts. They don’t like shouting at unappreciative brick walls you know.

Oh well! I tried. God! Why is there so much population in the world? If there were fewer people I would not be like I am now, getting so many scoldings from my Mom just because I am forgetful.

What?! What are you yakking about, you crazy girl? You should be paying attention to your Mom. She means well you know. And she is NOT doing this for her pleasure. Landsakes woman! What do you mean by there being less population and you being more responsible?

Oh shut up! I have my Mom thank you. One conscience is enough. For anyone. Even me.
Oh God! Why? Such long queues would not have been there.

Obviously! Gone. A nutcase. Someone certify her. Please!

Why don’t you understand? That is precisely my point . If there had been less people standing in line to receive God’s blessings then I might have waited around for HIM or HER to get to me. God knows, I have no patience. At least then the first blessing I received could have been that then. Then I would have waited around for the other blessings. But No! Of course not. That would have been too easy. For me. Not God. So I was blessed with that introductory offer package. A modicum of conscience, a smattering of brains, a pinch of responsibility, a teaspoon of honesty, a dash of optimism, a drop of pragmatism, a splash of ambition, an atom of …….

Enough already! What are you jabbering on about woman? Your Mom has finished her lecture. Your response is expected.

Huh? Oh! Oh. Well you understand why I am so lacking don’t you? It is not my fault. Absolutely not.

Yeah! Yeah!

“I am sorry Ma.”

Yeah. Yeah. You don’t really believe all this do you?

Why not?

Why not?! Why not? When will you grow up girl?

Enough already! “Yes Ma. Will do it. YES!”

- Written on 28 April 2007

- Well, Deba. Not always poems I said. This is one prosaic piece that fortunately wrote itself on the comp so I was not too lazy to upload it. That is another blessing that God denied me by not granting me patience to wait for the “hardworking” blessing. Bloody hard work to get these blessings I tell you. ;)

Inspired by Solitude (Nehal’s pic)

The water beckons, so unfettered.
As can I be if I the sea enter.

Oh traveler! Why when you are so weary
Do you merely walk along the shore
Not even looking at the beauty
That stops just short of your sole?

Oh look! Can’t you see
The very best of Nature’s bounty?

Firelight caressing the waves
The air dancing under the waves
A union so divine
All the 5 elements here join

Oh traveler! If I were you
I would not walk along as you do.

I would embrace the water,
I know all my cares would disappear,
I know I would be rejuvenated,
I know joyous peace I would be granted.


- Written on 26th April 2007

- I know u have titled this pic solitude and yes it speaks of that as well but I just viewed it in this manner. Hope you don’t mind Nehal?

- Nehal did not mind obviously. ;)

- Check out my sidebar for a link to more fascinaing pictures by Nehal.

What I Am Not Is ….

So self assured that I can listen to all you say
So insecure that I have nothing to say
So brilliant that I have all the answers
So dumb that not a single query tortures
So independent that I need no help
So dependent that I need to be guided every step
So wise that I accept everything with equanimity
So sensitive that every little thing affects me immensely
So insensitive that I recognize only me and my needs
So insensible that I fail to value what others feel
So incurious that I never wonder why
So interested that I constantly pry
So likeable that I bring everyone a smile
So revolting that to avoid me you would run a mile
So shy that I am no company
So outgoing that I am the focal point of any party
So lovely that you would never forget me
So ugly that you’d wish that your memory could expunge me
So loyal that I would always come through, no matter what
So false that I wouldn’t care if through Hell you pass
So merciful that I would forgive and forget every offence
So ruthless that nothing would move me, no tear, no penance
So ambitious that I want to break through the sky
So complacent that I would never try

So it goes on…the litany of what I am not
So what am I, well that’s a bit too hard to sort.


- Written on 24th April 2007

- Why? I have no clue. Maybe because I was thinking of new ways to teach antonyms and synonyms and could not get beyond the traditional ;)

Blame this on TV – Another Diatribe

Another program on TV
I know, I am addicted hopelessly.
This one was a political interview
Of how laws need implementation, not mere purview.
An example was given that made me laugh
I will share with you that you too may scoff.
The law says ‘Do not treat SC/ST differently
Do not for example, serve them in a separate cup tea.’
If you do thus you can be punished
Up to 5 years to jail you can be banished.

My brother stared hard when I cackled,
So I explained to him the law fickle.
Do not treat differently an SC/ST,
But provide for them a separate seat.
They are not different from rest of humanity,
But they cannot compete equally.
They have faced too much cruelty
To just in 60 years overcome their disability.
They are not less than us on any front.
They just need more time to learn.

Has the lawmaker ever thought that there are inequals among equals,
That not every (formerly) underprivileged can achieve laurels,
That more issues need to be addressed,
Than seats and cups redressed?
Be they privileged or underprivileged, everyone deserves a fair turn.
You can’t preach equality if any segment you shun.
A top-down approach is detrimental to the nation
If a bottom-up approach is not effected for every section.
Perhaps I am another Mary Antoinette.
But in this age of equality I too claim respect.

- Written on 25th April 2007

Well a politician’s interview on Jaya TV led to this diatribe.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand the need for reservation for the underprivileged. It is just that notions of privilege are so vaguely defined that I can no longer agree with the existing law about who is underprivileged and who is not.

Just as I took stance against the symbolic 30% reservation of seats for women I am against the current position of the Government in symbolically reserving seats in tertiary education for yet another segment of the underprivileged. If they could not tackle the problem of SC/ST in almost 60 years of Independent India and the years before while fighting for Swaraj how long is it going to take them to tackle the OBC problem they have now identified? This is too deeply rooted a problem to disappear with reserving a few (or many) seats. It needs a ground level approach to be implemented. It needs a cleansing of the culture and traditions that so many of the politicians so desperately cling to.

I think the Government wants to ensure that there are problems in the country that it will need to govern thus ensuring the politicians’ occupation for years to come.

Question: What is one of the easiest problems to rectify according to the Indian Governance system?
Answer: Problems that they have themselves masterminded.

Question: Who can solve these problems?
Answer: Why you have to vote them in and then they will take through the maze they constructed and if they haven’t forgotten (politicians in India being by and large senior citizens) they will try and lead to light.
Or you can break through if you are so inclined. (But please note that I think the politicians better than us know about our ghulami mentality)

Jalianwala Baug Gujarat se hara

Khadi pehenke bane the khaidi
Taaki desh ko mile azaadi.
Dekho aaj desh ki pragati
Kitni paas nazar aati hai barbaadi.

Dange fasad hote hain aaj zyaada,
Jalianwala Baug Gujarat se hara.
Swatantrata ka nara
Bas ek pratik bechara.

Kya chaha tha, kya paaya.
Ghulami ne kabhi sar na jhukaya.
Auroin ki ya apnoin ki
Seva dharam ne khub rang jamaya.

Raja ho ya sarkar ho
Angrez ya bharatiya ho
Koi aisa ho jise nakaar sako
Apni nakaamiyabiyon ki wajah bana sako.

Ya aisa ho who nek banda
Jo sabki tarraki ke liye ho kaam karta.
Bas hamein baksho
Gulamoin ko gulami ke hal pe chodo.

- Written on 25th April 2007.

- Why? I have no clue. I keep reading so many newspapers and watching TV perhaps I have become as dreary as them.

Will you....?

Will you dance with me on all kinds of roads?
Will you hold my hand against a life tide’s force?
Will you laugh with me over life’s ironies?
Will you cry with me over tragedies?

Will you let me in your life? Will you share
Your darkest fears and your cares?
Will you stay with me even if we succeed?
Or is it only failure that anchors us deep?

Will you get angry and then say sorry?
Or will you exercise control till you leave me?
When I make mistakes, will you punish then forgive me?
Or will you pretend to forget, then continue to blame me?

When you are in need will you trust me?
Or will you protect me, patronize me?
When life gets too much will you, for a short while, shelter me?
And when I am strong again will you lure me out to face reality?

Will you hold my hand against a life tide’s force?
Will you dance with me on all kinds of roads?
Will you, in us, believe?
Will you be the friend I so direly need?

- Written on 22 April 2007.

Wedding Anniversary

Last year, this day, a knot was tied
A commitment long held was finalized.
Two friends joined hands in matrimony.
May their love always sing the song of harmony.

From college days they have been together.
Yet the celebration of love, for us, was a wonder.
A reiteration of love and happiness
May this couple always have bliss.

Two of our most loved friends
Today celebrate the first anniversary of when they wed.
We rejoice with them on this special day.
May their union be a beacon of hope always.


- Written on 22 April 2007.

- On this day in the year 2006, Mautik and Shraddha wed.
- A few tears of happiness were by their kith and kin shed.
- As the ‘I do’ rang resoundingly clear,
- Everyone’s hearts filled with cheer.

A Day Out

My cousin and I met after many days.
We decided to catch a movie to celebrate.
The movie was entitled The Departed.
This Scorsesen movie was very well enacted.

The theme was cops and robbers
I expected fear and tears but not much humour.
But it was laughter all the way with no moralistic sermons.
Surprisingly, the cops were shown as mostly good humans.

Before and after the movie, we walked the town streets
Or wandered aimlessly, to put it more aptly.
We walked, not always in tandem, as we chatted,
Teasing comments, as is custom, spouted.

Walked me poor legs for hours he did
And then had the audacity to claim I had a limp!
Saw my spectacles and decided arbitrarily
Large frames are for freaks.

A day out with my cousin brother,
To many such more I look forward.
Just want to say bro, “Thanks for your caring ways,
And hope you don’t mind being damned with faint praise.” ;)

- Written on 10 November, 2006.
- Well it was written on a scrap while traveling back home and since I found it now thought I might as well continue the torture.
- Dharam, beware! Such scraps are more common than even you might tolerate ;)
- Everybody else relax. I am too lazy to type all that crap. I mostly throw them away.

On Nehal's 'Abstraction' and more

An aritst's palatte.
Possibilities galore.
Where will she take me next?
What world will she throw open?
An ephemeral moment captured for eternity
And eternity encapsuled in a moment.

I salute the eye that sees,
I salute the hand that captures,
I salute the heart that shares
The vision of a blessed mind.

Thank you Nehal.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dividedface/395075924/